Innocently Yours

Cafeteria Chaos

2011-02-28T17:23:00.015-06:00

'Twas my last day in a high school cafeteria... It's ironic that it was my most eventful, and most anger-provoking day. Never before have I seen such a strong display of rudeness, arrogance, and insecurities in my life! My goals in writing this blog post are to: a) vent out my feelings of intense anger b) explain my problems so others can comment and give me advice, and c) attempt to discover a solution to this mess in the hopes of finding a "moral of the story."

My school is crowded. With a student body of 1,800, we have four separate lunch periods and even then lunch is incredibly crowded! My "lunch group" includes me and five friends, so it's not that large. However, it's amazing how much tension a small group like mine can create. I chose one of the few open tables with my friend Erica. In a minute, the rest of our group joined. After five minutes of eating, a jock sophomore walks up to our table and demands to know why we are there in his spot. My bold friend Tanatswa tells him that it's a first come first serve basis and we got there first. To me, this argument seems so simple. Add the fact that we're seniors, they're sophomores, and it's undeniably in our favor, right? I guess the possible amount of arrogance in a human being exceeds my expectations. He and his friends made such a huge deal out of it, that they whispered about us and took a picture of us, and then for the finale: him and a pack of burly sophomore jock boys come up to our table towards the end of lunch and ask us the question. They demand that we move and yell at us for being in their seats.

"I'm sorry?!? Is this middle school?! Do you have your name written on it? Since when do we have assigned seats? What gives you the right to kick us out? Do you see any other seats nearby that we could sit in? REALLY?!?!?!?" Some of my friends were on the brink of punching them in the face. Seriously, how arrogant can you get? Then one of the nearby girls said in a sassy voice, "We sit here everyday. We sat here before we got our lunches." Okay, I said to my friends afterwords, do they seriously expect us to read their minds that they were going to sit here? Do they really think we saw them five minutes earlier and assume they were coming back?" I was so furious, that I remained quiet while my bold friends yelled back. We remained our ground, until I suggested we go back to class. I was done eating my pizza and no longer wished to engage in the argument. I concluded that they were the biggest jerks to walk this planet and that they have no right to think they're superior enough to expect us to move for them! It's preposterous!

The question is, how do I handle this? Mentally, emotionally, in my mind right now, I am having difficulties. I know it's wrong to hate them or call them jerks, but did my group handle it correctly? The Bible says the first shall be last and the last shall be first, but am I supposed to submissively let their pride win? I am too stubborn to simply let them win. I want to teach them a lesson! I think that there is a fine line between being respectful and kind, and standing up for yourself. In this situation, I'm still confused. What was God trying to teach me? Did He teach them anything? How can He let them drown in their arrogance like that? Why doesn't He step up and humble them immediately?

2 Timothy 1:7 says “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” Does this mean that we did the right thing? I feel like this verse is suggesting that being timid is not advised, but how does that apply to my situation?

Honestly, I'm not 100% sure on what to do in the situation at the time, but I do know how to handle my feelings now. Do you remember when Jesus talked about forgiveness? And Peter came up to Jesus and asked Him how many times he should forgive his brother? What He meant was that we should always forgive, no matter how many times someone wrongs us. Who am I to not forgive someone else when Jesus forgave me and all my sin?

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV ©2010)

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

My mom told me some wise advice the other day. She said you should never judge people because most are simply lost souls. Because they have that hole in their life and lack Jesus, they will never understand you. Until they come to Jesus, they'll never truly experience the peace and joy that comes with it. Every time I see people who mess up, I am so quick to judge and look at them despicably. This is so wrong! Who am I to judge those who are just as sinful as me? Who am I to judge those who don't have Jesus in their lives? That should be all the more reason for compassion towards them. I feel genuinely sorry that they lack a purpose in their life. I can't imagine what it would be like to not know where I'm going when I die, or be unaware that there is a powerful God who loves me and lives in me? WHO AM I TO JUDGE THOSE "JERKS" TODAY? WHO AM I TO CALL THEM JERKS?!

God, please forgive me and allow me to let this go. Let me forgive them and everyone who does wrong against me. It doesn't matter what I prove or how right I am. What matters is who I am in You, Lord Jesus, and how I serve You here on this earth. Teach me to forgive unconditionally and show them Your LOVE <3.><

Last picture taken by Bubbly, previous pictures are linked to their sources: cafeteria, jerk pic.

Chick-Flicks and the Ficticious Prince Charming

2010-11-24T23:34:00.020-06:00

Wow. It feels like I haven't blogged in years! When the screen came up after I clicked "new post," I was in shock, my mouth gaping to the floor while sentimentality flooded my thoughts. Well, here goes nothing. I'm a little rusty, but I'm up for a shot! Why not blog? Even if no ones reads it... it's therapy for me! (not to mention enjoyable - that too)
Do you like chick flicks? You know - the super girly movies where every girl in the audience sighs excessively, dreaming of the day her prince charming will rush onto the scene and sweep her up out of a field of flowers, sunlight accentuating his gorgeously dark brown hair and perfect smile? Okay, so I could have done without the exaggerated, corny definition; but it was fun to write! ;) You have to admit, despite my drastically unrealistic version, most chick-flicks are overly cliche. Like all guys are really that smooth and will say lines that make your heart swell. PLEASE! Give them a break. No guy is perfect. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Ling (that's Chinese :D). The burning question is, how are girls ever supposed to satisfy their longing desire for romantic perfection? Are we supposed to stock up on chick-flicks for the rest of our lives, hoping that they'll fill in the gaps our husbands leave? If happily-ever-after is a phony, then is all of humanity utterly doomed for destruction and misery? (Okay, it's not that dramatic, but still. For every problem, there has to be a solution, right?)

Listen closely, my friends. This story is all too familiar to me, but perhaps we all need some refreshing. Once upon a time, a 17 year old girl, dying for more chick-flicks, finished watching Aladdin. As Princess Jasmine rode away with her "prince" on a magic carpet, she didn't want it to end! She simply had to see more, craving to get a taste of real romance. To smell the sweet rose and feel the happiness inside when a guy tells her she's beautiful. But everything was crushed. Like a mirror thrown on the floor, shattered to pieces, was this girls' spirit when she realized the inevitable truth of love: it's not perfect. Marriages fail. Fights happen. And ultimately, people fail. Despite what Disney may claim, prince charming isn't all he's made up to be. He's flawed. That's right - HE'S HUMAN. Are there times when you feel angry and lose your temper? When you lash out at your family and somehow acquire that "sass" and "attitude"? You can't expect your husband to be better. The underlying problem with nearly every chick-flick is the underrepresented reality that happily-ever-after doesn't mean there aren't fights, tears, pain, hurt, and moments when the "D" word seems uncontainable. No, happily-ever-after means that through those seasons in the valley, you and your spouse can work through the issues together, as a team, and display true love. Love is not saying "I love you." We all know how cliche that becomes. In fact, so cliche that it loses its value on so many occasions. Love is shown by action.

What greater love than f or a friend to lay down His life? What greater love than perfect love that casts out fear? What greater love than Jesus Christ dying on the cross, bearing the sin of the world, for the salvation of those who believe? I am a child of God by grace, and let me tell you, there is no greater love. No hay amor mas grande (that's what my Spanish Bible says on the cover-picture to the left). Chick-flicks are cute and fun. They satisfy now. In ten years my future husband will love me and be romantic (I hope). However, both of these are temporary. A two-hour long movie isn't enough for a 24 hour day, let alone a whole lifetime. A husband isn't perfect enough to satisfy all of my need s. This is one 100% guarantee: I will be let down. He will let me down. But you know who won't? My best friend Jesus will never let me down. He is my everlasting strength and His perfect love is more than enough for me. Bringing this story to a close, as that 17 year old girl contemplated these thoughts, God decided to reveal wise and encouraging words to her from Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (NIV)

⁵ This is what the LORD says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD.⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

"None loves greater than this"

Mr. Fictitious Prince Charming may bring roses and sweetly tell you romantic lines and phrases, but my God created the rose with perfect love, and wrote me an entire book, just because He loves me . He loves me even when I'm not so pretty and nice. He loves me by action, actively blessing me every day. He paints the sunrise and sunset so I can admire His beauty daily. I thank God for chick-flicks, but I am certain that God is the only One who can satisfy all of my needs. Praise Jesus Christ that I am loved! He tells me I'm beautiful every day... <3

Sources: roses, happily ever after 1, aladdin and jasmine, amor y Jesus, no hay amo r mas grande, happily ever after 2

Don't be too serious, have fun

2010-09-13T20:31:00.048-05:00

Why is it I always blog after I cry? Perhaps it's because writing is sort of like therapy for me. Or maybe because through my pain, I've come across some revelation or epiphany and developed a new perspective. Either way, tears are always followed by writing, in my case. Whether it's a prayer journal or a blog post.

What's the dilemma this time? More stress from homework? Family problems? Relationships? Failure? Loneliness? Well... kind of. I guess a mix of each of these could suffice, but it's this one thing, you see: HOMECOMING.

I don't know why school dances are so big in high school, but it's exciting to see who's going with who. Except... when you're stuck as the odd one out. The dateless girl. That's me! There's nothing wrong with me. I'm attractive, smart, nice, and a Christian with morals! These are all good qualities, right? So WHY hasn't at least one boy out of 1800 asked me?!?! It's not like I'll say no! It's not like they're asking for my hand in marriage, just a simple and sweet high school dance. Instead, the girls who do have dates are flirtatious, immodest, immoral, and superficial. This is a stereotype, but it seems to be a trend! Where have all of the nice boys then? Are they too asking girls like this? AHHHHH I just want to scream I'm so frustrated. Over the past week I've been dwelling on this way too much, but it's my senior year! I know guys like me... but they're just too scared! High school is SO confusing. I have friends that are also in my situation. We simply don't understand. All I want is a date to homecoming. Well... that's not going to happen.

I told myself I had given up and was just going to hang out with my girl friends. But I kept comparing myself to the world's standards. I just feel like such a loser! In the world's eyes, I am! Dateless to homecoming is just not acceptable. But since when did I compare myself to them?!? I am a child of God. His precious creation. He admires my beauty way more than a high school teenage boy. He also knows how much I'm worth. I'm not a loser, I just need a new perspective. Thanks to God, my mom happened to deliver that dose of perspective just in time.

I don't know if you've noticed from this blog, but I happen to be an extremely sensitive, serious, God-fearing, Christian girl. In fact, I have so many emotions just wandering through my body, that sometimes I cry for no reason at all (or at least such an insignificant reason as to practically be pointless). On Saturday I cried because my mom told me not to get groceries. Yeah - that pathetic. But sometimes our thoughts twist the truth. In this case, it also magnified it! I was so determined to pick up some groceries after work that I even kept a list of the sale items while serving customers. My mom was actually trying to help me out by saying that I didn't have to go out of my way. But to me, it was like the end of the world! This feeling of dread came over me, like a luminous gray cloud ready to let out its torment. All because of groceries? Yeah - talk about out of perspective.

Today was kind of like that. But with more validation than groceries. ;) I was at an FCA leadership meeting and it wasn't going well, according to my standards, that is. We were off task and no one was paying attention to me trying to plan the next events. My brother and his friend were goofing off looking at sports' scores on the smartboard when I was honestly trying to do everything! Then I wanted to pray and read the Bible and they just didn't show the same passion as me. It's like they weren't excited about God!

WHOA. Stop right there. What's wrong with this picture? First of all, I can't judge how anyone is in their walk with God - it's not my place. Secondly, I shouldn't have been so angry that it wasn't going how I planned. Not everything in life happens because it's written in a spiral notebook - it's not the law! Only God sets things in stone (not just the Ten Commandments).

Continuing with the story.... After the meeting the subject of homecoming came up. My brother and his friend were discussing the best ways to ask girls to the dance (my brother baked a cake). BAD IDEA. I could only dream of someone taking the thought to ask me, let alone in a romantic or sweet way!!! Then the other girl said that she had been asked but said no. The guy said, "Well at least you got asked and declined!" This, was heart-wrenching. Now I really felt like a loser and the clouds broke loose again. I started crying, right in front of them. Well, if you know guys at all, they hate it when girls cry. So... they left. Just like that. Which really just made me cry more. But the other girl gave me a hug and cheered me up, kind of. I kind of felt like they had no sympathy for me. Like the guys just left me standing in the rain. I was really hurt. Sure, it was a small occurence, but then, it felt like the dooms day.

I came home upset, the frustration still stirring inside my mind. It didn't help that my brother had on secular radio. Especially when it was a romantically sad country song about missing their significant other. REALLY? Even asking three times to turn it off didn't help. Again: NO SYMPATHY! I was reminded the other day that exercise reduces stress, so I decided to go for a bike ride. Oh boy. I hadn't ridden my bike in over a year. Yeah - I'm that much of an athlete! ;) It was rusty at first, and kind of the whole way. By the end of the .2 mile ride, I was exhausted! :P I came home, accidentally spilled water on myself, and then went outside to think. God happened to place a lilac bush in our back yard, well my dad did, but He created it, and the monarch butterflies to attract it! It was the most astonishing scene: four perfect and gorgeous, orange and black, monarch butterflies were just peacefully smelling the flowers, fluttering like a bunch of plum fairies (if they existed). They didn't mind my camera, zooming in on their intricate design. I was so blessed to have this photo opportunity. I even recorded some of their fluttery wings. But it terminated when my mother called me in for supper.

I was putting forth a huge amount of effort into enjoying the delicious green beans (MY FAVORITE) and sweet ham balls (with brown sugar!), but it wasn't working. With every bite came this knot in my heart. You know that feeling? When you can't even swallow your own saliva, let alone food because of the increasing frustration building up like an avalanche, fueled by a plethora of lies crowding your mind and thought process? It was like a trillion times more complicated then that sentence, to give you an idea. You can probably anticipate my reaction when my mother asked me the simple question, "How was school today?"

I wanted to leave right then and there - go to my room, the only safety zone to hide my tears. But there's no running with Mom. She is my role model and life-long counselor. Out of the... hold on. I'm trying to calculate the number of times I've cried in my life (I will need a calculator). Well my initial guess is wrong. I thought the number could be 7,000 but I've only been alive for a little over 6,000. Ooooops! Perhaps I've cried 700 times. Meaning at least 3 times a month (I think). Back to my point: out of the 700 times I've cried, my mother has probably witnessed anywhere from 125-350 of those times. WOW. Over 100 different times, she's been there to hug me and comfort me. What a mother God has blessed me with. Thank-you God! :)

Well this time, she gave me some shocking advice. She said, "Christina, don't be so serious. Relax. Have fun." WHAT? Relax? Have fun? This advice was inconceivable to me. Can you see the obvious problem though? I'm SO SERIOUS that I don't even realize my problem and need for fun. Honestly, I hardly ever think to add fun into any life equation. It's not a necessity right? Why should it be considered when there are so many more important things to do?!? I mean, there's homework, chores, work, and church stuff. There's Bible reading and prayer, volunteering. Applying for scholarships and colleges. Spanish and Chinese club. My Bible study! There's FCA and orchestra, tennis and eating healthy.... EIYIYI I HAVE NO LIFE. Well, I do. It just doesn't appear in the form of a SOCIAL LIFE. Yeah - that one thing that distinguishes high school from the adult world (no offense to any adults). My brother certainly doesn't struggle with this one fact. He's so opposite that he focuses on the social life too much. My parents always say, if we could just mesh into one person, we'd be the perfect child. Instead, they got both extreme ends of the spectrum. Go figure.

Let's wrap this one around my head: maybe one of the reasons guys aren't asking me to homecoming is because they see the fact that I don't have a social life and run away. After all, why have a party-pooper, no fun girl for a date? Now, I'm being a little harsh on myself (I always am), but it's party true! I don't exactly have a nonexistent social life, it's just measured in nanoseconds compared to my brother's days.

God always seems to put the right resources into your hands with perfect timing. I randomly decided to read this children's devotional book called "The Prayer of Jabez Devotions for Kids" by Bruce Wilkinson. The entire book is based off of one seemingly insignificant verse in 1 Chronicles (of all places!):

1 Chronicles 4:10

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

Have you even heard of Jabez before?!? He's certainly not as popular as Abraham, David, and Paul the Apostle! What's even more peculiar is the meaning of Jabez's name: PAIN. That's right, his mother bore him in so much pain, that she would take the honor of naming him pain! In Biblical times, the meaning of a name was taken seriously. It was kind of like a destiny. Jabez certainly didn't want a destiny of pain! So he honorably asked God to bless him. Now, from the perspective of a legalistic, "Bible-banging," judgmental Christian (like myself... I'll admit I have flaws), it would seem proposterous to even think about asking God to bless you! But there's the problem: God wants the best for you! A loving and compassionate God full of grace and mercy would only want to see me happy. My mom told me, "Do you think God wants to see you always serious and crying about this?!?" I wanted so badly to confidently say no, but it only made me cry more because I hadn't realized it!

I read day 10 tomorrow in the Prayer of Jabez. After the end of each chapter it gives a "What the Big Idea?" summary. Here are the following summaries for the first 9 chapters:

1. If God carries a wallet, it has your snapshot in it - and He smiles when He looks at it.
2. God is awesome, even when we stay in the crowd, and we have a chance to see Him up close.
3. God has packages in heaven with your name on them - unclaimed. What's in the first box? Only one way to find out!
4. In the eyes of Jesus, there's no such thing as a loser. Everybody who asks for His blessings wins big!
5. Sticks and stones may break bones, but God's names for me will always heal me.
6. Tell Him what you want, and ask Him to give you what you need. Then, increasingly, they'll become the same thing.
7. When you stand in the shower of God's blessings, it makes you want to sing!
8. Every day has a new opportunity for me. The important thing is to ask God to help me recognize it.
9. Faith is going to the edge of your borders - and taking one more step.

One of the examples the author gave was really clever. Imagine Christmas day: presents piled high to the tree, everyone excited with anticipation. But no one opens the presents because they feel too greedy. It's January, then June, and still not a present unwrapped. Actually, they've multiplied and now flooding into the other rooms in the house! This is of course unrealistic, but it is realistic of our spiritual blessings. All of us are like the family in the scenario, and all we need to do is ask God to give us blessings!

Selfish? Not a chance. You're asking for the things God has already reserved for you. He has chosen these gifts as blessings for your benefit. They have to do with your heart's desire and with healing hurts that bother you. God gives you these gifts to make you a better, happier, stronger person. He wants to do so much for you, but He won't force His blessings on you. He wants you to ask. So, go ahead. Do it right now. Ask God to bless you. Ask Him to give you the blessings He is just waiting to shower upon your life.

Wow. When was the last time you asked God to bless you? I don't remember ever asking this. How sad is that? I'm missing out on piles and rooms full of presents that I never knew existed. I'd like to point out an important point above in the list of chapter themes. Look at chapter 6: "Tell Him what you want, and ask Him to give you what you need. Then, increasingly, they'll become the same thing." It's not like we're asking God for a million dollars, two mansions, a brand new Ferrari, and a 70 inch big screen TV. Perhaps that is what you want, who doesn't? But the closer you are to God, the more you start desiring what He wants for you. In the previous example, a rich life isn't necessarily going to make you happy. Maybe God will bless you with money, but there's a lot more in life than dollar signs. I know God has AWESOME things in store for us. See for yourself!

Malachi 3:10

Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

-Tear picture, homecoming cookies pic, groceries pic, how was school today comic, prayer of jabez book pic, Christmas presents pic all found on Google. AWESOME PURPLE FLOWER PICTURE taken by me, Bubbly ;)

Forward: I apologize for this being such a massively long post. I spent two night writing it because I had to go to bed the first night! I finished it on the 18th, so I developed a different perspective on the original issue. I still don't have a date to homecoming, but I don't mind that much. Of course, I was a little angry when a girl I know got asked by TWO guys on the same day and isn't even going to homecoming! :P Why is life so unfair? Anyways, it took me a week for my mom's advice to sink in. Fun. It's a word. And it's not bad! Blessings. They're God's gifts for me to ask for! He loves me and therefore wants me to be happy. :) My wants will increasingly become His desires. I'm starting to get the hint God doesn't want me to go to homecoming. We'll see. Either way, I will keep an open mind to what He has in store for me. How exciting! It's just like opening a Christmas present. Perhaps it's a movie night, karaoke night, line dancing, or just hanging out with some friends. I could even still wear my dress out to dinner before hand (and not go to the dance). There's way more options than I can even see! You know the saying "God works in mysterious ways"? It's so true! The fun part is trusting Him and seeing what surprises He'll bring. LONG BLOG POST SHORT: don't be too serious, have fun! ;)

And THAT concludes my story. For now.......

Status Update: I'm still madly in love with God! ;)

2010-08-10T19:15:00.010-05:00

Perhaps you're wondering, where has Bubbly been all summer? Well... I've been quite busy, as usual. But... that's not exactly a good thing. You see, I've been taking this college Chinese class because I randomly decided I want to learn Chinese! Some wise advice: never take Chinese unless you're willing to work super hard. ^^ It was a bumpy, treacherous road for the first week. I thought I was going to die! Slight exaggeration there, but nevertheless, I struggled so much with the pronunciation! You'll probably guess what I'll say next, which has something to do with... GOD. :) The entire class was divinely appointed. ;) He sent me a good friend to help me with Chinese. And in return, I shared the Gospel and couldn't stop talking about God! What else could I say? He's my Savior and the Creator of the Universe! A Dude that awesome is worthy of all my praise and energy. Therefore, my words can't contain enough joy in them to describe the King of Kings! Not even all of the exclamation marks in the world could reflect the honor and glory He deserves. Or how glad I am that He's my Father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (37 is just a glimpse. ^^ ) Oh, I know! The song "Sing Along" by Sixteen Cities also gives a preview of His AWESOMENESS. :D I love it when it gets stuck in my head. I can't stop singing!

Psalm 30:4 (New King James Version)

"Sing praise to the LORD, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name."

Wow. Isn't God... Magnificent. Glorious. Awesome. Perfect. Awe-inspiring. ? I am flabbergasted every time I hear that song! Who created music? God. Who created the stars, the mountains, colors? God. Who created you and me? God. I just can't get enough of Him. He loves me. A sinner - a speck of an imperfection on this planet. And yet He knows me name. My personality. My pain. Every hair on my head! Can't you see? I'm madly in love with God.

Call me crazy. Actually, a Jesus Freak is the correct term. ;) But, we, followers of Christ, are His bride.

Revelation 19:7 (NIV)

"Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready."

What a scene that will be. When Jesus Christ comes to marry His bride - the church. Tenth Avenue North has a song called "Beloved." It's a love song from God. To His bride! Oh how happy this song makes me! To remember how much Jesus loves me. And to know that I'm more beautiful than anything in His creation! Even the stars and the sweet music... The piano in this song is gorgeous ;)

"Chasing lovers that won't satisfy. Won't you let me make you my bride. You will drink of my lips and taste new life. You're my beloved...

Death shall not part us. It's you I died for. For better or worse. Forever we'll be. My love it unites us. And it binds you to me. It's a mystery."

God - You are my Prince Charming. My first love. <3

Another beautiful and inspiring song from Tenth Avenue North... :)

-Pictures both taken in Nassau, Bahamas by Bubbly <3
For a related blog post read "Relationships"

It changed my life forever!

2010-06-25T12:18:00.015-05:00

Nassau, Bahamas Mission Trip – It changed my life forever!

Last winter I was extremely doubtful this trip would become a reality. We had planned on going to Monterrey, Mexico to teach little children the gospel message through the means of a colored soccer ball. I was so excited to finally use my Spanish speaking skills and truly carry out the Great Commission:

Matthew 28:19-20

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them inthe name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Unfortunately, my parents were becoming increasingly worried due to the "drug wars" occurring throughout Mexico. As they watched the news explain random American kidnappings and murders, they would not let their only daughter risk her life just for one week of mission work. I saw their point of view, but was too eager to think clearly. And plus, if I died, I'd go to Heaven. I really didn't see where the problem was… But I was being selfish. My parents, family, and friends would be devastated, and it was not worth it to take that large of a risk – regardless of what the Great Commission said. I'm only 16 years old!

So I prayed about it. God is always faithful and true to His promises, according to His perfect and glorious plan. He would not let my enthusiasm dwindle. No. He just had something different in store for me… After my parents kept sending e-mail after e-mail of news stories regarding Mexico and some specifically Monterrey, my youth pastor called for an emergency meeting. You see, we had a back-up plan! Well, God did. J For the safety and well-being of the youth group mission adventurers, we decided it would be best to move the trip to a different location. Since we didn't want to miss out on the "foreign country" experience, we booked flights to Nassau, Bahamas!

None of us really had a clue what we'd be doing in Nassau. Actually, we didn't fully find out until we got there! At first we were told we would be building and repairing houses for Haiti refugees that fled to the Bahamas. Then we were informed we would be working at an orphanage with children kindergarten through 6th grade. We assumed we would be repairing the orphanage and doing a sort of VBS (vacation Bible school) with the children. When we arrived at the hotel, we learned that we would be painting the orphanage. And when we finally got to the orphanage, we discovered they were not "little" kids. The youngest was 8 and most were between 13 and 15 years old! We were surprised to be working with children our own age, but God used this as an advantage to connecting with the kids.

We painted the orphanage Monday through Friday 10 in the morning till 3 in the afternoon! It felt like such an accomplishment when we finally finished painting the entire exterior of the building. From 3 to 4:30, we played with the kids and got to know them. On Wednesday, we had 4 hours with them due to an orphanage meeting. During this time, we had a gigantic water balloon fight! We met many new children and got to know most of them on a first name basis. Throughout the week, some even helped us paint! We used this opportunity to talk to them about God and learn about their circumstance. These kids felt alone, rejected, and abandoned. Some had 8 or 9 siblings and their parents just couldn't take care of them. Others had deceased parents and some were in the hospital, paralyzed or diseased. There were a few "outcasts" of society – thrown into an orphanage by their family because of mental illnesses. Yet, with all of these feelings of anger and confusion, these kids were still quick to love. This shocked me most of all.

We would arrive at the orphanage and immediately kids would run up to the bus and once we stepped foot we would be drowned in hugs! I have never experienced so many hugs at once! Everyone was so friendly and yet they had nothing. They weren't allowed money of their own and were bored most of the day. Most stayed in their dark rooms sleeping the day away. When we got there, everyone was watching movies from portable DVD players – the only technology they were really allowed. What a monotonous, boring life! I felt so sorry for those children. The adult workers didn't treat them very lovingly, either. For the most part, their lives were void of any love! God sent us there to try and show them His love – because only God's love can fill the void in all our hearts. Yes, they were fatherless, but God is the perfect Father. Yes, they had enough food to eat, but most were unaware that Jesus is the bread of life – that truly satisfies all hunger. Yes, they had a roof over their heads, but God is the ultimate shelter and place of refuge. He comforts all!

John 10:10

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I was expecting God to give me opportunities to witness to the kids and share the gospel with them. Although He did let me share the gospel message with everyone on the last day, He had a separate and unexpected mission for me. You see, during the water balloon fight on Wednesday, I met this 14 year old boy named Damian. I asked him to come paint with me on Friday and he agreed. We started talking and found that we had so much in common! For example, he had a dog named Shadow and I had a dog named Midnight, both completely black with white chests and paws. Anyway, we had many similar interests, but most importantly, we were both Christians!

I was praying for courage to talk to the kids about God all week, and I finally got the chance. God gave me boldness and bravery to ask Damian if he "considered" himself a Christian. He said, yes and went into detail as why. This guy had seriously committed his life to Christ! I was enthusiastic and shared my testimony with him. Supposedly, he once memorized the entire book of Philippians – my favorite book of the Bible! As I was talking to this brother in Christ, we shared each others' hopes, dreams, and struggles. I told him about how I lost my only friend in 6th grade because I had tried to share my faith with her. Little did I know, he was struggling with the same issue! He explained how he was very lonely and didn't have many friends because of his faith. The orphanage is a Christian orphanage. All of the children are required to attend church every Sunday. All of them have heard the gospel message and understands the concepts. However, few actually consider themselves Christians. Few live their lives for Jesus. And those few are persecuted! God used me in the most unexpected way by encouraging Damian to share his faith despite the persecution. I encouraged him to pray for courage and told him I am convinced God put him in that orphanage for a reason – to be a light in that dark place and proclaim the good news. He looked at me with a skeptical look and doubted that! I told him I am and would continue to pray for him. I shared so many experiences and stories and told him about my blog. At the end of the day, after many pictures, I gave him my e-mail and told him to get a Facebook. I haven't contacted him yet, but he remains in my prayers.

I am so thankful God gave me such a great opportunity and learning experience. It taught me that witnessing and carrying out the Great Commission as a Christian is important, but only half the importance. The other half is encouraging each other, as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Hebrews 3:13

^"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

God even proved his point to me while on the airplane. He purposely sat me next to a born-again Christian woman from the Bahamas on her way to Atlanta for a shopping trip. She and I also had so much in common! I desire to major in communications, which she majored in! She's a counselor at a Bahamian university and gave me advice on my future. She encouraged me by telling me God would use me to do great things in life and how I would be very successful. She told me that all of us impacted those children's lives at the orphanage in more ways then we'll ever know. We both agreed that God placed us seated together on that airplane for a reason. It was the perfect way to end my mountain top experience. I will never forget this trip. It has impacted me so much. I feel blessed. God has blessed me and my family with so much! I have parents who love me dearly, and yet take advantage of them. I take for granted my family and my God. I am so fortunate to have the God of the universe as a best friend. I am so thankful to know that my eternity is in Heaven, in fellowship with Jesus Christ, the Savior of my life. My desire is that each of those children might experience that and know that God loves them. My desire is that Damian and the other few Christians might be encouraged to be bold and pray for courage. My desire is that I will use this experience to be a better daughter, sister, friend, and follower of Christ.

Psalm 36:5-7

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

-All nature pictures taken by Bubbly ;) in Nassau, Bahamas. Pictures of orphanage kids with me taken by youth group friends or other orphanage kids.

Nassau Mission Trip

2010-06-11T14:09:00.007-05:00

Facebook status today:

PRAY for my mission trip to Nassau, Bahamas! Well, God's mission trip- I'm just His humble servant. :) I will be working at an orphanage. I'm praying that God will equip me with every good work, so that I can fully carry out His will - giving all the glory to God, serving Him and others, loving everyone with compassion, and finally spreading the gospel of peace, that brings indescribable joy and comfort.

The words "equip for every good work" kept popping in my mind the past week. I finally decided to look up the reference and found this:

2 Timothy 3:16-17

"All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

I don't know exactly what I'll be doing down there, but now I can be confident that God's plan will work out, and I am equipped for every good work, because I feed daily on God's Word. :)

Details on adventure of a lifetime mission trip to follow.... ;)

-Nassau, Bahamas picture from Google.

YELLOW! Part TWO of "Hear my prayer"

2010-06-10T21:00:00.025-05:00

I just updated my blog's template! It's YELLOW!!! :) I am obsessed with that color. ;) Anyway... I promised I would provide a solution to the "to be continued..." on the previous post "Hear my prayer." I probably shouldn't have said that... because I kind of forget. But, I will be brief and explain what God taught me. He never ceases to discipline His children!

The following is a repeat of what I had just mentioned:

"Friday I was the modern-teenage-girl Job. I was officially SICK. God told me to take a step back from my busy life (again... see "Tragedy of the Busy Life" and "Voiceless") and TRUST HIM. I wanted to hold on... thinking I had it under control. I told myself I was doing the "Christian" thing by praying and "trusting" God. But was I really? Only when you've completely surrendered can you actually fully, without holding back, trust God with all your heart, mind, and soul. I may have felt like Job, but God worked His peace and miracles like He always does. ;) I just had no idea what I was getting myself into... (to be continued...) "

It's funny how God uses irony as humor... This was my facebook status on May 27th:

The true test of faith is to keep trusting God even when your life is on the edge of collapsing into obliteration. Bring it on God, cause' you're looking at the modern-day Job. Nothing can tear apart this relationship!

Notice how I said, "Bring it on God." NEVER say this unless you are fully prepared to get it. God keeps His promises and answers prayers. Yep. Next thing you know...

I had MONO. For those of you who don't know my long history of "diseases" this was just another one to check off the list! :P I have now experienced bronchitis, pneumonia, losing my voice completely, mono, strep, the chicken pox, the flu, and probably a couple dozen more "common colds" that seem to always find me. WHY do I have these problems? Because I don't listen to God. :( I'm too busy living my life the way I want to and think others expect of me. Like the acronym my friend shared with me, BUSY is just another word for BEING UNDER SATAN'S YOKE!

Being Under Satan's Yoke

This is SO true! How are we supposed to be followers of Christ and expect God's peace to come into our lives when we tell Him, "Sorry, I'm too busy to listen to you!" It's basically a slap in the face to God. You're telling Him that your schedule is more important than prayer time and Bible time or church. Lately, I've learned a lot about prayer! It seems like a pointless waste of time, right? Why talk to God when He already knows your problems and what to say? Well, a poem I read in the book by Elizabeth George "A Young Woman's Call to Prayer" explained everything crystal clear (and that book! It helped immensely - I highly recommend it!).

"The Difference Prayer Makes"

I got up early one morning
And rushed right into the day;
I had so much to accomplish
That I didn't take time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,
And heavier came each task;
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered: "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty -
But the day toiled on, gray and bleak;
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, "But you didn't seek."

I tried to come into God's presence,
I used all my keys at the lock;
God gently and lovingly chided:
"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning
And paused before entering the day;
I had so much to accomplish
That I had to take time to pray.

(author unknown)

God knew exactly what He was doing when He got me sick with Mono. This lasted for about a whole week (and I'm still tired from it!). I slept 20 hours daily for 3 days in a row. I was so sick of sleeping that I specifically wanted to go on strike. This was my facebook status:

Mono... :P I never thought there would be a day when I said, "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF SLEEPING!!!" I seriously just want to boycott my body's need for sleep. When can I actually do my homework?!?

I seriously wanted to do homework I was so sick of sleeping! Anyway, God used this opportunity to get me to RELAX (sort of... at least for a few days) and read the book my friend let me borrow on prayer (by Elizabeth George). I am soooooo glad I did!

Here are some excerpts from my prayer journal on May 30th, when I was at home and sick with Mono (Not to mention I was missing so many fun graduation parties!! :( I figure it's part of God's punishment.... but at the end of the day, I was GLAD He did!)

Just because I'm sick with Mono doesn't mean I have to neglect my prayer life. I'm sorry. Now I see why I'm sick! Lord, you've just been waiting for me to breathe and relax so I can pray and read and include you as a part of my EVERYDAY - whether I'm sick or not... I don't even deserve to talk to you... I'm just frustrated - physically, emotionally, and spiritually... Lord I'm just a mess! Give me wisdom so I can do better at this challenging game called life. You tell me not to worry over 300 times in your Word, yet I end up worrying about worry. Talk about the knot this child has gotten herself into. Lord, school is almost over, yet I've procrastinated to the extent of having 15-20 hours of homework, which I can't even do because I'm sick. HELP! I need you. Isn't the first step realizing you need help? Well I need all the help you can give me Lord! Let me come to you in everything with prayer and petition, so that you can guard my heart and mind in you Jesus - bring me peace that transcends all understanding. Give my family the love they've been so desperately searching for. Heal my sickly body. Eliminate my stress. And let your will be done. I love you Lord. Even when I'm sick I will praise your name! Because I know I would be nothing without you. You are mighty and holy Father. Thank-you.
~Love, Bubbly <3

As you can see, God was definitely working in my heart that day, and the following days! I didn't have enough energy to do homework (not to mention my mind was still a little "out of it"...) and God gave me the desire to read. What else could I do? Again, I was trying to "boycott" sleeping! :P And guess what comes next? God worked it all out, for His glory and for my comfort, according to His plan. First, He needed to teach me another lesson. I might regret saying this, but it's late and I need to pack for my Nassau, Bahamas mission trip on Saturday. Goodnight! :) To be continued...

-YELLOW flower picture found on Google. Second yellow flower picture also from Google.

Hear my prayer

2010-06-03T17:52:00.020-05:00

Last week was traumatizing. I don't recall ever feeling so hopelessly sad, stressed, and sick! The problem was most likely due to the dangerous combination of the three. The escalation (as there always is!) hit the high on Wednesday (is there some sort of connection between the middle of the week and stress? see "New Perspective" post). Never in my life have I had such a chaotic, interminable week. It felt like it would last a lifetime...

I came home from an already bad day of school (I took a terrible math test... a D+ was actually higher than I expected! :P), when my father informed me of some heartbreaking news about my brother. He was in the hospital and very sick. My life seemed to be hanging on a thread and the only thing that mattered at that moment was prayer. I prayed my heart out to God! Like never before, I prayed when I couldn't find the words - the Holy Spirit accomplished the rest. My strange lack of words resulted in music. Without a violin, I decided to use my other two instruments - the piano and my God-given voice. I had an out of tune piano (15 years...), a pen and paper, and my mediocre singing. Add a confused and frightened child of God to the recipe and you've got an extremely melancholy, but sweet and genuine song called "Hear my prayer." Here are the lyrics and "chords" (I didn't actually write notes... just the letters of the notes and I improvise on which octaves).

Hear my prayer

Dedicated to God,

and my brother "Steve"

mi hermanito Juanito! ;)

D A D A D D E AEEA D G D G B D

I don't understand.

D A G F G C E

Why could this happen?

D G F E A D

Why to me?

D A D A D A

A E A A A G F G D G A E

Lord, give me strength.

A E A D F E D A D

Lord, hear my prayer.

D A D

D E C A G F D G

Cause' I'm crying out.

D E C A G F A E D D A

Cause' I can't find the words to say.

A E A C B A C B A C B A C B A G B F A

D A D F A C B A A E A E G

In this world

E D E B E C E

There is pain

E D F C F C E

There are tears

E C A E A

There is sin.

D E A F A E A D

But I know there's hope.

D F G D F A G C E A

And I will trust my God

D F D F A E A D

And I know He cares.

D A D A D A D A D A D A D

Psalm 6:8-9 for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.

Psalm 17:1 Hear, O LORD, my righteous plea; listen to my cry. Give ear to my prayer— it does not rise from deceitful lips.

Psalm 39:12 Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping.

Psalm 84:8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.

Psalm 86:1-3 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.

Psalm 86:5-7 You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.

Psalm 102:1 Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry for help come to you.

Psalm 143:1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

Proverbs 15:29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Luke 11:1 Lord, teach us to pray.

Matthew 6:6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 7:7-8 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 18:1 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

1 Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually.

The previous verses (sorry if that was too many... I went a little crazy from the trauma) are all of the verses that dealt with prayer and God hearing my prayer. I needed encouragement from the only ONE who knows it all - GOD. ;) I prayed for peace for me and my family and God wasn't skimpy. He gave me plenty peace for the matter - enough for me to go to school and concentrate on my final projects! Little did I know, I got sick the next day...

Thursday I was on the verge of becoming Job. I wasn't quite there, but God was seriously testing me! I had a sore throat, boat loads of homework, and I was informed that my FCA sponsor/leader/coach/teacher was moving to Illinois next school year! He is such an encouragement at my high school and an "on-fire for Jesus Christian." His room is literally the only safe-haven! When all else fails, I go to his room, talk things out, and ask him to pray. And next year is my senior year! I wanted it to be perfect. I've been in FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) for all of my four years of high school. What was I going to do? Well, I wasn't going to do anything, I would leave it all up to my maker. Cause' I know He's got it figured out. But seriously, God was TESTING ME!!! It's as if He took everything in my life, put it in a box, and randomly shook it until I exploded. But, reality told me He carefully planned out every inch of my life to transform me into the mature, humble, caring, and dedicated Christian.

Friday I was the modern-teenage-girl Job. I was officially SICK. God told me to take a step back from my busy life (again... see "Tragedy of the Busy Life" and "Voiceless") and TRUST HIM. I wanted to hold on... thinking I had it under control. I told myself I was doing the "Christian" thing by praying and "trusting" God. But was I really? Only when you've completely surrendered can you actually fully, without holding back, trust God with all your heart, mind, and soul. I may have felt like Job, but God worked His peace and miracles like He always does. ;) I just had no idea what I was getting myself into... (to be continued...)

-"drunk piano keys" found on Google. I thought this was appropriate because it not only symbolizes my piano song, but also my life last week. It was nothing short of chaotic and completely turned upside down!

When everything falls apart

2010-05-16T21:05:00.011-05:00

I was shocked. When I came into my parents bedroom I tried to guess why mom was crying and they were having a "discussion." Never in a million years would I have guessed Dad got laid off again. It just seemed so impossible! How could he, the most qualified man for the position, become unemployed again in less than 2 months?!? It isn't even logical. Whoever decided to lay him off just because they didn't like his "personality" or the fact he is honest, is EVIL. Or at least, that's how I view them. You can't just ruin an entire family like that! What were they thinking? How do they sleep at night? WHY is life so unfair?

Today I cried out to God. It's the only response that accomplishes anything when you're in my shoes. What else can I do? Working at a grocery store isn't going to cut out money to pay for the electric bill or mortgage payment. What's worse - Mom's school is cutting back due to the economy and she now has a part time job. And that scholarship program I wanted to go to so badly - it's TRULY just a dream now. We can't afford it! Mom says not to worry, that this won't affect me at all. She's right and wrong. Last time this happened (he was unemployed for 11 months) life wasn't too bad... but the stress it put on my mother and father - that was hard. To see my mom cry and to see my dad get angry and frustrated after searching and searching for another job, that's the hard part. Their marriage was strained, our family nearly fell apart.

If it wasn't for God, I'm sure my parents would have divorced years ago. If it wasn't for God, I'm sure I would be an emotional wreck every day and probably think suicidal thoughts. If it wasn't for God, my family would be in a much worse state. Honestly, I KNOW this is all in God's plan. He's the brains, not me. So the only response I have is to TRUST Him with all my heart, soul, and mind. I will pray continually and in all circumstances, being thankful for everything that He has given me - my family, friends, and food and shelter. It's not like I'm homeless right now! Thanks be to God that I am alive in Him! That's all I ever need. You can take away my dad's job. You can take away my possessions, my house, even my family. You can never take away my God. His unfailing love, unending grace, and everlasting joy will never fade. "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song" (Psalm 28:7).

Isaiah 28:16 (NIV)

So this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a tested stone,
a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
the one who trusts will never be dismayed.

A song that clearly says my thoughts is "Everything Falls" by Fee. I actually saw them in concert, which was basically just a giant night of worship! This song is so encouraging because literally, when EVERYTHING FALLS APART, God doesn't.

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
you're the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on
you keep holding on

(Storm image found on Google when I typed in "when everything falls apart." I think a storm accurately fits the description... and my life right now)

Bubbly, future author

2010-05-16T15:33:00.016-05:00

This past week/couple of months I've been in an artsy mood. I've been successful in writing, drawing, taking pictures, singing, writing songs, and playing the violin. It's kind of strange because I don't consider myself an artist, nor an author, or a musician. They're just "hobbies." Nevertheless, it's gotten me thinking about a future career...

What if I aspired to be an author? Is it even possible? Sometimes I have doubts, but for now that occupation is a distant fantasy and dream... I mean, how would I have the time to write? Do I have enough talent to get published? I mean, who wants to read a non-fiction Christian book full of my rambling thoughts? Is that what God wants? Well, for now I'm just going to "go with the flow." I still have another year of high school! Fortunately I have plenty of time to think about these things, but for now I am going to embrace my right brain talents. Did you know that I haven't drawn a picture since 8th grade? And before that it was probably 3rd grade! For whatever reason I decided to start again. I just took some of my pictures (the ones of flowers that I have on this blog!) and drew pictures/sketches of them. It was actually fun! I may just have some talent in the arena of art. ;) I'm starting to think that, even though God blessed me with both right and left brain intelligence, I certainly enjoy the right brain side more. Does that mean I should just stick with a language arts major?

My parents said I should always keep my options open and continue with math and science. "You never know," they tell me. I don't really like math or science though! It's usually more complicated when you're decent at all subjects. Sometimes I just wish God would have chosen one gift and let me excel at that one career... but instead He gave me many and said "Okay - pick ONE!" If there is that "perfect" job out there for me, it would not simply utilize one gift, but instead all of them! Do you know of an occupation that involves music, nature, and God? I know - blogging! You see? That's my point. Writing seems like one of my only options if I were to stick with most of my gifts, because you can write about anything! I love that idea. Especially since I never like to decide on one thing, I usually compromise. But is compromise good? When it comes to faith, there is no compromise... at least on the big topics. Either Jesus died for your sins or not! Either you believe in the Bible or not! (Although, I feel like people always try to stretch the truth and make it more complex...)

Anyway, with all of these thoughts roaming through my head on any given day, it's difficult to concentrate on God's will. I found one example in 1 Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 14:12 (NIV)

"So it is with you. Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church."

What really matters in the end is spiritual gifts. I think it's already cool how God gives each individual special talents and gifts, but for the believer, He also adorns us with spiritual gifts! By spiritual gifts, I mean things like the gift of teaching (like a pastor), serving, administration and leadership, evangelizing/witnessing, and others like the gift of music for worship. Basically, all of the gifts that contribute to an effective church. Just like Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians chapter 12, about how the church is a body of Christ - each part useful for carrying out God's will.

But what I'm "scheming" is combining all of my gifts for God's will - which is what we're supposed to do, right? I think writing would be the perfect way to use all of my gifts, including spiritual. Just imagine - writing books to instruct others in growing in their relationship with God! Or books of encouragement for devotionals. It would fun to write for a magazine or a company also. Oh - just think about it! Well... whatever God's will is, I'll do it. :) But for now, this is a "dream" job.

"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

-Bubbly, future author ;)

(Picture taken by Bubbly... it's one of the results of this random artsy mood I'm currently in. ;) It's not my best work, but I think it's a start! Right now I'm merely experimenting with pencil and paper)

Dreaming...

2010-05-13T19:37:00.018-05:00

Lately I've been daydreaming about the future. The typical teenager dreams: college, careers... and of course boys. ;) Anyway, I'm going to college for a week this summer! It's through Baylor University's "Renaissance Scholar" program. Baylor is my DREAM college. Although it seems unlikely to become reality because of the high cost: $41,000! Either way, going to it for a week will let me get a taste of real college life, and of Baylor. The only downside is, it costs a lot of money also! And since I don't live in Texas, there's an extra $500 in airplane tickets. My parents are making me pay for that, which is challenging for a teenage girl who works at a grocery store. That part really scares me and I don't even know if I'll like the classes I'm taking (computer science, engineering, literature, philosophy, etc.). I got so stressed that I started crying - which seems like the only response I ever have for anything that goes wrong in my life. This time, I laid in my bed and decided to pray about it. I just asked God to give me some direction and peace. I was so frustrated that I was doubting if He would help me. Well He gave me wisdom and advice from my mother, and PEACE with the situation. Honestly, it's like God just cleared my mind of chaos and placed logical thoughts inside my head, and some wisdom to rationalize my decision. I'm still not 100% sure if it's His will, but I feel like He brought it to me for a reason. I know I'll attain a valuable experience and give God the glory with all of the talents and abilities He's given me.

I'm going to keep it short and sweet today...

Ecclesiastes 5:7 (NIV)

"Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God."

When I typed "dream" into Biblegateway.com, I didn't expect to find this! For a talkative daydreamer like me, this verse applies directly to me. I've also been dreaming about my future career and what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. Honestly, I see where this verse is coming from. Dreaming doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's futile - and that's what Ecclesiastes is all about - the futility of life. But I also believe that God can make dreams come true! With His wisdom and guidance, I will find peace about my past, present, and future.

-Photo taken by Bubbly :) It's actually a picture I took when I visited Baylor University during Spring Break. Isn't this fountain so awesome? It even has a Bible verse on it! The campus is the most beautiful one I've ever seen in my life! ;) It's very difficult not to dream...

"Part of something holy"

2010-05-08T20:50:00.021-05:00

So today was kind of weird. I woke up early for an orchestra competition, and it went well (besides the freezing cold weather inside and outside!), until we ate at the Red Lantern, a Chinese restaurant. The food was good, but the conversation and company weren't exactly my cup of tea...

I came home angry!!! Usually, I don't get angry, just sad. Lately, my patience has gotten shorter because of lack of sleep. Of course, my anger always ends in tears... Anyway, I labeled today as another day of persecution. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing like underground China or a communist country. But getting hurt emotionally by supposed friends or even acquaintances is painful! And for a sensitive teenage girl like me, the pain is magnified three-fold! Why do I constantly take things personally?!? It's not like they hate me. Nope. They hate God. They hate Jesus. They hate everything the cross stands for. They don't even care! :( Maybe I'm being too harsh and judgmental. But this is how I felt from the things they were saying, the perversion they constantly speak. Everything they seem to do! This kind of thinking is getting me nowhere, but John 15 supports my reasoning.

John 15:18-22 (New International Version)

The World Hates the Disciples
¹⁸"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ¹⁹If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. ²⁰Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. ²¹They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. ²²If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin.

I used these verses in a previous post after watching a wholesome movie. Honestly, I want to live the holiest life I can possibly live! I don't even want to be in company with people who think otherwise. Because it brings me down! I may live a sheltered life, but it's on purpose! Do you think I actually want to know what all those perverted jokes mean?!? Of course not. Every cuss word I hear, accumulating like a blanket of snow as each snowflake word remains in my ear. I HATE it!!! Honestly, I just wish people would at least recognize their immorality, instead of including profanity in their everyday language. What's worse is the constant insults to people. Words hurt! Putting people down doesn't improve anyone's self-esteem. Not even your own! Every accumulating "that's what she said" joke, and every other sexual innuendo - they are annoying and wrong. Think perverted thoughts in your head! It's ridiculous how everyone laughs at them but me. Am I seriously the only one who doesn't appreciate that sense of humor?

John 7:7

"The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that what it does is evil."

What really hurt me and broke the patience was the talks about homosexuality, evolution, and God in general. With every new burst of laughter, I acquired another burst of anger, boiling inside of me. I was so close to just getting up and leaving. But where? In this scenario, there was no "away." No hiding place to go cry. But is that really the solution? Tears? Something (my inside thoughts, the Bible, and my mother) has been telling me that Satan's solution is merely tears. He wants me to go hide in a hole like a helpless prey. But who's the predator? Satan himself or his evil? Both? Either way, I don't consider them predators. No. Predators always win. Lions chase a helpless gazelle and win by digging sharp teeth into flesh. I know, slightly gruesome. The point is - I'm not that helpless gazelle! And Satan is not that fierce lion. Good will always triumph over evil in the end. God's love and grace will prevail. I will put my faith in the Creator of the universe and trust that He will keep me innocent. I will trust and pray that those orchestra friends will find the truth. And God will bring me freedom from my persecution! He will reveal His purpose and glory to me.

You know, after I had an hour nap and went to work, I got this surge of joy that came out of nowhere! I was happy. The tears had dried and the silent prayer I had said to God was answered. He gave me joy! I may sound like a crazy, over-emotional, radical Christian, but God is good. Always. He brightened my day and this blogging was a wise choice to spend my night. ;) It's perfect.

On my way to work, God brought this song on the radio - just for me. It totally spoke to me. This was the first time I heard it, and to my surprise it was by one of my favorite bands, Stellar Kart! Anyway, it's the typical encouraging Christian song to cheer you up and make you stop crying. :) Or at least, it did with me. Enjoy! I REALLY LOVE THIS SONG NOW!!! :D It also fits into my life-story! My blog is titled "Innocently Yours" for a reason - I am called to be "part of something holy."

-Beautiful flower picture taken by Bubbly ;)

-For more blog topics similar to this (which is basically me venting about the frustrations of the world!), see these previous posts: "'Then they will know that I am the Lord...'" and "Some deep Spring thinking..."

We were born to be part of something holy

AP Exams, college "fantasy" and prayer

2010-05-06T07:08:00.021-05:00

For whatever reason, (minus my C- physics test) I feel smart. I just scored a 95% on my math test without even doing any of the homework! When my ACT score came back, my mom said on the essay writing part, I got a perfect 12! It's kind of surprising.... all of these confidence builders, but I think I have an idea what God has in mind. You see, tomorrow is the national AP US History Exam. I know nothing about US History. Or at least, I think I don't. Anyway, it's a good idea to try and build up my confidence. Especially considering I got a 45% on my final test....(bringing my grade down a whole letter) :P Why can't I get this history in my head?

Yesterday I was also worrying about college, considering this exam will give me college credit if I score a 4 or higher (no pressure, right?). The college I want to go to, Baylor University, is $41,000 each year! I would probably only get like $12,000 in scholarships. Gradually, that dream is fading from reality into "fantasy." I am so worried about money for college. I mean, I'm sure I could get enough scholarships at smaller, cheaper, private schools to only pay a couple thousand or so for tuition. But do I really want to go there? I know I'll have a great college experience regardless of the location, but a solid education is important. And do I really want to go all the way to Texas, 2,000 miles away from home? With so many questions and no answers yet, I have to do one thing: TRUST GOD.

Prayer is always a good place to start. I know God is faithful, and has a perfect plan for me. The only obstacle is finding out what that plan is. Thankfully, I still have a year to decide. But until then, I will continually pray every day for God to show me His will. I have a feeling, it will partially depend on the money. It will be difficult to not choose the college with the most scholarships, because I don't want to overburden my parents with college loans... or my future for that matter. I'm still a bit rusty on this prayer process. In fact, I'm basically just beginning. But yesterday I read in my devotional that a prayerless life is powerless and a prayerful life is powerful. Even though I'm inexperienced, I believe that with all my heart. God's power is truly revealed through prayer. That constant communication with God is so necessary to experience His glory. He can bring peace to relieve my worries. He can give me hope in His perfect plan. He can help me have faith in Him through everything.

Hebrews 3:6 (NIV)

"But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast."

Romans 8:5-6 (NIV)

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

I am so thankful that God listens to me and genuinely cares for me. I can't wait to see where this road through prayer takes me! So I will patiently wait for God's power to consume my life. Let His will be done.

-History cartoon from Google... I guess that's one reason US History is important, but regardless, I would much rather spend my time writing, reading, and doing language artsy things. ;)

Digo la Verdad

2010-05-04T15:58:00.017-05:00

Monday's Spanish class was slightly frustrating. We were checking the homework in class like usual. We trade papers and grade each others' work, and then the teacher calls on our names and we tell him our score. Well, I have always been aware that some people cheat. Not just occasionally, but every time. This is annoying considering I have always told the truth. However, yesterday was different. Few students took the care to notice that the directions to the last section were in the preterite form (past tense), and the majority of the class got it wrong. This would mean, that everyone should have gotten a 5 out of 10, which was my score exactly. But me, and my partner (he didn't cheat because of me) were the only ones in the entire class that actually said "cinco," or five. Spanish is my best class. I have gotten straight A+'s all three years, and I have a natural aptitude for languages. So when my teacher heard me say 5, he was shocked. You'd think he knows that the entire class cheats. You'd think he'd actually do something about it or change his procedure, but I doubt that will ever happen. No. I'm stuck with being the only honest student. "Digo la verdad!" (That's Spanish for "I tell the truth.")

Stupid conscience. That's the real culprit! But when it comes down to it, I don't want to lie. Not only would I have trouble sleeping at night due to my guilty conscience, but I also have God to answer to. You see, I am different than most people in my class. Even if they have a conscience like mine (although I doubt any do), they still don't care as much. Why? Because they lack morals. Now, I'm not saying they're all horrible people with no values in life, but I can assume that by their lives, at least some lack a committed faith and relationship with Jesus Christ. Sure, you can know what's right or wrong by mere common sense. But can you have any guilt? Can you truly repent, and if so, to who and why? I have a reason to tell the truth. The Bible gives me the morals and values that guide my life, but more importantly, I desire to do good, because Jesus saved my life. No, I'm not perfect (far from it, actually!). And I'm never going to get there, but by the grace and blood of Jesus, I am forgiven. True repentance involves a change in mind, and a willingness to do better the next time. Only by God can I have the POWER to tell the truth and stand out as a light in this world. I was not happy yesterday. In fact, I was ranting about it to everyone and inside my head all day! Satan wants to discourage me to give in and lie. I'll admit, it is tempting. But praise God for His Word! It's all I need to survive.

Proverbs 12:19 (NIV)

"Truthful lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue lasts only a moment."

What's the benefit of telling the truth? I am confident God not only gives a reward inside my heart now (and a clear conscience), but a reward will come in Heaven as well. Thank-you Lord for answering my prayer. The answers are all in your sacred Word.

Proverbs 12:22

"The LORD detests lying lips,
but he delights in men who are truthful."
Proverbs 14:25

"A truthful witness saves lives,
but a false witness is deceitful."

What better example of truth than Jesus Christ? He is the truth. This song by Casting Crowns was my favorite when I was 11.

-Random cartoon found on Google.com. I have no idea what Tarski's Theorem is. I just like the bottom part about computing the truth. ;)
-Spanish sign picture found on www.Google.es (that's the Spanish Google). It was actually off of a Spanish blog! Isn't that tight? I'm kind of a Spanish nerd, but it actually says: "Jesus, the way, the truth, the life." Technically, there should be an accent on the "u" in Jesus. :)

*For an additional perspective on this topic of truth, see "Grades- Believing the Lie" post.

"Michelle"

2010-05-02T16:53:00.014-05:00

Prom was awesome. :) After going to bed at 4:30 am, I am overly exhausted! To be honest, it has taken me about 15 minutes to figure out what I have to say today. Weird, huh? I'm usually the most talkative person, but for some reason I'm struggling with... the world. It's so difficult to develop a good prayer life, to read my Bible daily, and to fully live out my faith when I surrounded by temptations, fear, and sin. Prom wasn't the most glorifying to God, besides the theological conversation my date and I had. This is why I'm so blank on words... However, I did learn some valuable lessons from my friend about generosity and serving others.

We're not supposed to use real names in school blogs (and I have the hugest conscience ever), so let's call my friend Michelle. ;) Anyway, last night was her prom (she's a senior, and I'm a junior), and I was fortunate enough to share that with her. She was THE princess of the night. Literally. She had the most gorgeous pink princess dress on! Her golden curls complimented her fair skin, and beautiful face. Our prayer, and plan, was that her dream date would immediately fall in love with her! He was THE prince charming. A college student, he flew all of the way from Arkansas just to be her prom date. How cute is that?

Anyway, Michelle is the nicest, most generous person I know. She gives without even thinking twice about it! She is so compassionate towards everyone and loves no matter what. She is constantly complimenting everyone, lifting up their day. This is just a shout out to "Michelle" because she is and AWESOME friend! Prior to the dinner and dance, Michelle spent most of the time curling my hair - so much that she barely had time to finish her own! She let me borrow her gorgeous red gown for prom, including the necklace to match it. Michelle also gave me her beautiful white dress, and even a shirt! She let me have her eyeshadow kit and some time ago treated me out to a delicious snow cone. During the snow cone day, she spent over an hour encouraging me because I was having a bad day and couldn't stop crying. Michelle also has guided me through a difficult time in my life when I was having boy problems, giving me advice and giving me the perfect devotional book that helped her through her problems, and greatly improved my mood about the issue. She still continues to encourage me through her own blog, and invited me to her youth group (mine wasn't working out). I could spend hours explaining in detail all of the wonderful things Michelle has done. Clearly, she is living out Mark 9:35.

Mark 9:35 (NIV)

"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.'"

Jesus, the king of the world, came as a servant. Talk about confusing! Why would a king serve? Much less the perfect king? We are the sinful ones, if anything, we should have been serving Jesus. But Jesus is the prime example of serving. He even went as far as to wash his disciples' feet, a dirty, but necessary job back then. It was reserved for servants. You see, Jesus goes against the status quo and says, "The last shall be first." In His eyes, a servant is first. Because to put yourself below others is an act of humility. It follows the second greatest commandment: loving your neighbor as yourself. Which is exactly what my friend Michelle has been doing her whole life. And God bless her! I know her reward will be great in Heaven. :)

Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)

"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

-Pink princess prom dress picture from Google. It's not quite like Michelle's, but it is as poofy! :)

Prom daydreaming and the peace of prayer

2010-04-30T17:10:00.015-05:00

Right now, the only thing on my mind is prom. :) Tomorrow is going to be AWESOME!!! The orthodontist said I can start wearing my retainer only at night on May 1st. How perfect - just in time for prom pictures! I'm going with this Chinese exchange student (a friend of my friend), which will be fun. But the most exciting part is wearing the gorgeous red dress a friend let me borrow, and taking a lot of pictures! ;) But... despite the excitement (and loads of homework and studying for AP exams - yeah I haven't started that), I've still been making prayer a priority in my life. Why? Because I will never forget how AWESOME God is. That will never change, and so far, I've been amazed at what prayer can do.

For starters, I guess the number one, most pivotal and perfect product of prayer is peace. Talk about a lot of "p"s in one sentence! But I love alliterations. ;) Anyway, the following verses amaze me every time I come across them. It brings me to my knees and makes me want to raise my hands in praise to God!!!

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Read that last line again: the PEACE of God, which TRANSCENDS all understanding will GUARD your hearts and minds in CHRIST JESUS. A talented writer may write eloquently, but I am convinced that nothing can compare to the Word of God. It can speak to us in miraculous ways, and is the power of God. In 1 Corinthians 2:1, Paul says, "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God." He continues, "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." Can I hear an AMEN to that? Really, when it comes down to it, the only thing in life that matters is the cross, and what was accomplished there.

Today during orchestra, this guy was basically attempting to discredit the cross - what it symbolizes. He said that technically, the cross is a bad depiction of death - that people who hate Christianity should wear it, not the other way around (he even included examples of celebrities wearing the cross to mock it). You know what I said to him? The cross is a symbol of love. It's a symbol of grace and forgiveness, and everything that Christianity stands for! Jesus DIED for the world's sins. He bore it on the cross, just because He loved us. He defeated death. I will continue to wear the cross until the day I die, despite influences around me. Because I know that it symbolizes Jesus' great love for me, and I will never let go of that beautiful grace.

On my way home from school, the song "Oh Happiness" came on the radio, and I couldn't help but sing along. Something inside of me was genuinely happy. Why? Because of grace. The lyrics go: "Oh happiness, there's grace enough for us and the whole human race." AMEN. :) The definition of happiness is grace.

(Picture taken by Bubbly - it's a close up of my prom dress!!!)

An Experiment for Change

2010-04-28T07:25:00.017-05:00

Last week I began an experiment. It wasn't a carefully decided, thought out plan, but an epiphany from God. Following the FCA Lock-In, I was on a mountain. I wanted nothing more than to give out Bibles to my entire school. But, for the moment, I decided to compromise that plan and hand out daily Bible verses instead. So, ever since last Tuesday, I have been giving encouraging words each day to my orchestra (I always run out after that). People responded in different ways... One girl was like, "Whoa, aren't you pushing your beliefs on people?" But two seconds later a girl gladly took my piece of paper and was thankful to feel included. That's all I want to do - make people's day brighter. Oh, and feed them with a daily dose of the Holy Spirit and God's unfailing Word. It breaks my heart to see people who have never even opened up a Bible or heard from its glorious pages. How will they ever know the truth if they've never heard from it? It amazes me to see people who claim the Bible is a bunch of bologna and then when I ask them if they've read it, they respond, "Heck, no." (Possibly saying "h-e-double hockey sticks" instead...) Anyway, I just simply want to carry out the Great Commission one memory verse at a time. :) It's what God has called me to do.

John 8:12 (NIV)

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'"

Verses like these give me courage to stand out and do something. I may not be the most confident girl, but I have enough confidence to have faith. I have enough confidence to be a light for Jesus. God gives me enough confidence to do all things. Some girls are beautiful, others are confident. Some have popularity, others have money. I have the God of the universe. Even if I had all of those things, I would give them all up for the sake of the gospel. I would be content in rags, as long as I had my Savior, the bread of life.

I say these things because I feel persecuted. Not in the real, dangerous, intensity that missionaries experience in China or places that don't allow Christianity, but in the mild way where I am made fun of because of my faith - because of God's truth. I know they're just kidding, and are my friends, but it's hard when you feel like the only one. It's discouraging when they continue to think of creation and God's Word as ludicrous! But I will press on. For I know that God not only brings everlasting life, but love beyond comprehension, and joy I can't contain. It may sound corny, but I just can't get enough of Jesus! He is the love of my life.

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one
thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I
press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward
in Christ Jesus."

One song that encourages me to press on is Britt Nicole's new song "The Lost Get Found."'

(This specific video has a commentary by Britt Nicole. I recommend it, but if you don't have time, then you can just fast forward to the music video)

-Yellow flower picture by Bubbly ;) (Mi color favorito es amarillo! That's Spanish for "my favorite color is yellow")

PRAYER

2010-04-25T21:49:00.009-05:00

Well, I've officially had 70 posts. :) It's amazing when you think of all the time I spent writing for this blog, and everything I've written (I could compile it into a book someday...), but I believe it was worth every second of it. Honestly, this blog is simply a giant prayer to God (and a bunch of my rambling thoughts about God). Which leads me to this post's topic: prayer.

A good friend of mine let me borrow a book called "A Young Woman's Call to Prayer" by Elizabeth George. I've only read the first chapter, but so far it's been phenomenal! It's exactly what I needed at this point in my walk with God. You see, I've never exactly been huge on praying... I did write a previous post about it in January. That's when I decided to start the alarm system plan. I set my alarm for everyday at 7:07 pm. It was like a personal phone call from God, and I would pray to Him - telling Him about my day and simply talking to my best friend. However, business wreaked havoc. After no time, I was turning my alarm off because of conflicts like work and speech team rehearsals or even Bible study and youth group! I just wasn't getting that one-on-one time with God. The book I'm reading talks about that - reasons and barriers to keep people from praying. But you know what? Prayer is VITAL to grow in a relationship with Christ. That's why I've started something different. Perhaps, night time isn't the best time to pray. So, I've moved my official prayer time to the morning (I figure it's the perfect way to start the day). Now, I've already scheduled my daily Bible reading in the morning, before school. Let's just say that hasn't worked out so well... again, business. I've been sleeping and snoozing through my alarm everyday - completely missing my Bible time. On top of it, I've been sleeping through Ezekiel when I've attempted to read and not get distracted. I've been wondering why I'm so depressed lately, and these obvious signs never hit me! Without communication with God - through His word and prayer - life is bound to get difficult.

I've always wondered why Matthew 11:30 says, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." But now I'm learning that 1. life's never going to be perfect, and 2. it's going to be even more wearisome if we don't know God more. After all, God carries our burden for us and improves life's hardships. If we aren't talking to Him or learning more about Him, how is that supposed to happen? The following are useful verses about prayer (from Elizabeth George's book on prayer).

Luke 11:1 Lord, teach us to pray.

Matthew 6:6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 7:7-8 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 18:1 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually.

1 Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Dear Father, thank-you for the wonderful gift of prayer. Help me to be devoted to prayer and pray continually. I yearn to please You, grow in You, and pray to You until the day I die. Keep your promise to me and help me to know your love and endless grace. I love you. Forgive me of my selfish desires and sin. Let your will be done and teach me to know your will. Let your kingdom come, Lord. If you want me to go on the Mexico missions trip, so be it. I will go. Keep me and every other missionary safe. Thank-you for this glorious day. Bring me peace to know that You have a perfect plan. Amen.

-AWESOME and BREATHTAKING and GLORIOUS cloud picture by Bubbly ;) God is good. All the time.

That's why there's grace

2010-04-25T14:30:00.017-05:00

Today I felt like writing a song. It's the third song I've written, and I think it's the best so far. :)

That's why there's grace

I've tried my hardest to be perfect

You'd think a goody-two-shoe girl would get it right

You'd think I'd trust my God with everything

But every time I end up on my face and on the ground

That's when you pick me up

That's when you wipe the tears off my face

That's when you tell me, "No one's perfect, that's why there's grace."

That's why there's grace

[I'll bring you freedom]

I've looked for love a thousand times

You'd think a pretty girl wouldn't need someone to tell her so

You'd think I'd let God's love satisfy

But every time there's this emptiness, a loneliness, and a broken heart

A broken heart

(Chorus)

Bridge

Why can't I let you be Lord of my life?

Why can't I let your love consume me?

Jesus heal my heart and bring me peace

I know you satisfy

Fill me with this fire

I am confident that you are truly, madly, in love with me!

(Chorus)

I've tried my hardest to be perfect

Why do I bother myself – no one can please humans

But Lord you know my sin – my faults, my shame, and imperfections

And to you I am perfect

You love me as I am

Honestly, I came home from church frustrated. Why? Well - at my family, at life, at confusion over everything. I have no idea what God wants for me right now. I am scared about everything and angry at my imperfections. I just try so hard, again, and again. But for what? I always fail. With tears running down my face, I ask, "Why God?" I yearn to please everyone, but I fail to realize one thing: God is already pleased. He loves me just as I am, and so much that He sent Jesus to bring grace. That's the beauty of it. Grace solves all problems. No one ever needs to earn their salvation. In fact, it's impossible! Because we aren't perfect, the only way to Heaven is through grace. And in my opinion, the only way through life is by grace. I can't imagine what life would be like without God's free gift of grace. It would lack purpose, joy, and peace. Oh I can't tell you how comforting it is to know God. His peace transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

A song came on the radio last night that really touched me. It was "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. I've seen them in concert two different times, but the message to this song speaks to me in different ways each time I hear it. Especially the beginning:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

Do you notice any similarities compared to my song? They are basically about the same frustrations. "Trying to earn grace" and "looking for love." These are common problems the world faces, but God brings freedom. He will always be by our side, ready to comfort us in any trouble. :)

-Yellow flower picture by Bubbly

The worry wart and the red porsche

2010-04-21T07:39:00.008-05:00

I didn't get a chance to finish my story from the previous post about last week. So on Saturday I blew it again. God has been trying to teach me how to relax and not stress or freak out so much about everything all the time! It's extremely difficult to just let Him take the wheel. In this case, literally, it was letting my dad take the wheel...

It was the day after the FCA lock-in, so I was running on 3 hours of sleep. After playing a horribly out of tune quartet for the all-state contest, I went home to take a 2 hour nap. You guessed it - I slept through my alarm. By some miracle, I woke up at a quarter till 12 (when we performed for chamber orchestra), just enough time to make it if we left right away. Unfortunately, my dad isn't perfect and has a high tendency to be late... to EVERYTHING. He decided to take the bright, hot red 9-11 Porsche. You might be thinking I'm the luckiest girl in the world, but I thought completely contrary. I hate the porsch. It not only practically consumes my dad's life, but it doesn't work 90% of the time, it is totally unnecessary, and everyone stares at it. I do like to be the center of attention when I give speeches or talk, but for this, I'd rather be invisible. Not only that, but I almost died of hyperventilation due to the fear of getting a ticket, which increasing 700% when you get in this speed demon of a car. The BRIGHT RED doesn't help the cause either. Add that to my dad actually speeding overexessively and you've got a freaked out little girl. My dad also decided to take the longest route possible in the worst traffic ever. I am fairly confident we would have made it on time if we took the interstate - the logical way. But Dad said he was taking the "short cut." It was the longest possible way to get there. You couldn't have made it any longer if you tried! We arrived over 10 minutes late, and I was so sick of life.

After I discovered (as I already pessimistically predicted), I completely missed the performance. I didn't get to do my minor solo, and I got up from my glamorous nap for nothing. When I went outside to leave for more sleep, my dad was no where to be found. That's just lovely! You know, the logical place to meet would be the car. But, no. My dad decided to go inside as soon as he parked to go find me, even though I specifically told him they were already done and it would only take a minute. I was SO ANGRY that I just wanted to.... well I don't know. What are you supposed to do with that anger?!? After another 15-20 minutes, we finally got back in the horrific porsch to go home. My dad could sense the anger simmering inside my body. He was perfectly calm and cool. Nothing ever phases him! Well, at that moment, that's a blessing.

My dad told me the perfect prayer quote, "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can." This saying hit me hard. Really, there was absolutely nothing I could do to fix the problem. Unless I invent a time machine, there is never any hope that I will make it on time, now. So why in the world should I nearly have a heart attack to worry over something in the past? Honestly, it makes more logical sense to worry about the future, versus the past, but I worry about all 3 - past, present, and future! :( If it doesn't do any good, then it's not worth wasting my energy over. But, you'd think I would have learned that before... you'd think I would have learned my lesson from the past 100 events similar to this. No. This is one lesson I don't think I'll ever fully learn - after all, is there any one concept you can learn once and be done with? With imperfect humans, there is never a checklist. This is one thing I've learned over the past year, yet I still get upset over this fact. The good news is, we have a perfect God, who loves us as we are - imperfections and all. And His word gives us the encouragement we need to live in a fallen world, to cope with our sin, and to walk in freedom.

Matthew 6:27 (NIV)
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

-Red 9-11 Porsche picture taken by my dad (it's his pride and joy... :P)

Footprints in the Sand

2010-04-18T19:37:00.019-05:00

Last week was... too crazy for words. I cried every day, yet God was teaching me life lessons. It was like a roller coaster - I went up and down constantly. I can't say it was a terrible week or a fabulous week. It was neither! Through it all, God was beside me. Actually, it was exactly like the Footprints in the Sand poem.

Footprints in the Sand - Poem

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

Let's start at the beginning. Sunday, I cried over a $20 bill (see "He hears me when I cry" post). Monday was super busy and stressful with homework, and other FCA stuff. Tuesday my hormones went out of whack (see hormones post)! I was basically upset for no reason. Wednesday I was on a high! God spoke to me directly through a green comet (see blog post). :) I literally felt invincible. Then I hit an all-time low the next day - Thursday...

I was so frustrated over my "stupid" research paper, as I called it. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I had spent all Wednesday re-writing it, and all for nothing, I felt. On top of that, I was split between the FCA Lock-In and that. You'd think two things all for the glory of God wouldn't ever become a problem. But Satan has a way of turning anything into a lie. That's exactly what he was doing. I heard reoccurring lies in my head all day and night. Lies telling me I was good for nothing. Telling me that I would fail at life. My mom spent time telling me all I needed to do on the research paper was not be judgmental. She said that would be the only sin I would struggle with in my life. That Satan would use pride to tell me that I was a "good Christian girl," when in reality pride is "the greatest sin of all," that caused Satan, the once great angel, to fall. But I kept questioning that: can you really say that one sin is greater than all of the others? I don't really know. :( But my mother's lecture was even more depressing.

It's all because of this vicious cycle. You see, I am the most extreme perfectionist. Everything in my life has to be flawless. I constantly compare myself to others. Just when I think I've reached it (which is never possible, by the way, no one's perfect), I realize my sin and get upset all over again. I just dig myself deeper into a hole. I keep on stressing over everything, then about my imperfection, and then about the idea or concept of stressing over my imperfection and conviction of sin! :P IT NEVER ENDS. With this frustrating, interminable cycle, my mother said she's scared I'll have a nervous breakdown or heart attack at age 20. This causes me to worry myself to death about worrying myself to death!!! Does that even make sense? I'm just a mess. :( Satan wants to tell me I will never get out. That I'm just stuck with my eccentric personality and insane ability to worry. My mom asked me to name one thing I'm good at. There was complete silence for one whole minute. I honestly couldn't think of ONE thing. To me, I had to be perfect. Since nothing in my life or about me was perfect, I figured I was doomed. She started naming a huge list, and had me repeat them. I didn't believe any of them for a second. They were the truth! Yet I wasn't convinced because Satan's lies sunk in so deep. I had my second emotional breakdown, but not as bad as the last one. Despite my low self-esteem and lies swirling through my head, I know for a FACT, that God was fighting back this week. He always does. Just like the Footprints poem, God carried me through the storm.

God does work in mysterious ways. Friday was a nightmare and a blessing all in one. I told myself I wouldn't stress out or freak out. My brother wanted to go out to lunch and I reluctantly agreed. I was already running late, so Wendy's didn't seem appealing. I raced to the car. During my marathon, I encountered a fiasco with these girls. I ran in front of them so fast, and so close, that they screamed at each other, "Oh my God!" Their tone suggested that they were thinking I was some sort of freak. Well, I certainly thought I was. That's embarrassing event #1 (only 3 more to go!). After we purchased baconaters, french fries, and frosties; I gobbled mine down in the car so fast that I didn't even enjoy them. It was three minutes till the bell rang, so I grabbed the remaining frosty and sprinted to the school, scooping the chocolate shake in my mouth. At one point, when I was only a few feet away from the front entrance, I tripped. Now, this wasn't a little trip. I basically combined 17 trips in one! It's was one of those times where you trip, catch your balance for a nanosecond, then trip again, regain balance, trip, etc. This occurred almost the entire way to the school. Luckily, there were probably 15 different students outside watching this. Most of them didn't hesitate to laugh out loud (not "lol," more like "HA HA YOU'RE A LOSER"). Embarrassing moment #2. Two wasn't enough apparently, because it was a few seconds from a quarter till (when the bell rings). I slammed open the door to my Spanish class, and stopped. Something was strange... wait, this wasn't my class! The strangers stared at me in confusion, but really I was the confused one. I ran out, slamming the door a second time, and went right to the restroom. The only thing I wanted was to literally dig myself a hole and hide in it forever. Since I had D lunch, the bell rang for passing time, not class! I had another five minutes. Why was I so worried about being late anyway? Well that was definitely embarrassing moment #3. At that time, I was ready to just go home and cry a mountain. I decided to write a letter to God instead.

The letter helped, but I nearly cried for no reason at all twice during my AP Environmental Science class. We were just merely discussing water and there I go tearing up (thank goodness no one noticed... or at least I hope not). I planned to do the only thing I could think of. I went to my FCA Coach/Sponsor's room. It seems like the only safe-haven in the whole school. I came in and just started crying (I feel bad for him, but he's used to it and knows I am a very sensitive, emotional girl). I said, "I am not in the emotional, physical, or spiritual state for this Lock-In." Luckily, other FCA leader friends were there and they gave me a hug. :) One of my friends read Scripture to me from Psalm 73. God just spoke to me. It felt great. Then I let out all of my problems, insecurities, and fears to her. Really, I felt like I was crying for no reason, but it was an accumulation of stress that caused this week's emotions (that and hormones). She asked if I wanted to go for a car ride and I agreed. She took me to eat a snow cone at Fruitzen. It was just what I needed! We relaxed in the park while we ate delicious fruity snow cones. I had to go to a tennis meet next, but she gave me the encouragement I needed for the upcoming Lock-In (that night!). By some miracle, I won my tennis meet. I proceeded to the Lock-In and it was AWESOME. We planted many seeds and I just pray that God will make them grow and that we impacted people for His kingdom.

I'm running out of time because I have to finish my research paper and homework. But Saturday was like Thursday and Friday. I will explain that in the next post. :) Goodnight!

These were the verses that gave me spiritual encouragement on Friday:

Psalm 73:21-28 (NIV)
²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

-Footprints picture from Google

Green Comet and God's Glory

2010-04-14T22:38:00.011-05:00

The most phenomenal thing happened tonight. It's certainly supernatural, and definitely GOD. All I can say is "GOD IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After I went to youth group tonight, my friend let me try on her prom dresses (I'm going to prom this year with a Chinese exchange student). They were gorgeous. She was even sweet enough to give one to me! :) When she walked me to my car, we were talking about the FCA Lock-In this Friday. There are 56 signed up! We just hope that someone might get saved, because there are going to be many non-believers. Just after I got done saying that, I saw a flash of green light in the corner of my eye. It looked like a gargantuan firework. I pointed and showed my friend (she didn't even notice it). It was the MOST MAGNIFICENT thing EVER. It was a COMET!!!!!!! :D It was so close and so real that I thought it was like a meteor that would make a crater in the nearby neighborhood. But when it's time was up, it slowly faded away... I KNEW IT WAS GOD. I honestly felt God's presence as the cool wind blew and the stars glistened in perfect harmony with the brilliant green comet. How can someone see that and not immediately think God?

Psalm 19:1-2 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge"

I know it's a common verse, and cliche for me. But God's word never fades or grows old. Every time I read a verse it speaks to me differently - that's because the Word of God is living and constantly revealing itself to different people. I am soooooooooooo thankful God knows me. But I am even more blessed to know Him. :) I serve the God of the UNIVERSE. Nothing is more powerful. There is no greater love. God - THANK-YOU for that comet. You clearly spoke to me tonight. Let your glory shine for the WORLD!

Immediately after the comet faded, I told my friend we should pray. I knew God was standing beside me, enjoying my awe. I prayed that He might work miracles at the Lock-In. That we might plant seeds and He might make them grow. (1 Corinthians 3:7). I felt God's power at that moment. I knew I was invincible and nothing could stop me! At that moment, there wasn't anything that would make me turn around. "As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." I KNOW God exists. If that comet isn't proof, then my life is. God works miracles every day. There are no such thing as coincidences. God placed that comet in the sky specifically for me. I know so. :) Thank-you JESUS!

The second I got in the car, this song began playing. Again, definitely a God thing. ;) This song displayed the exact feeling I got after the comet. I am invincible! (Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me")

-Green comet picture from Google. My comet looked almost EXACTLY like this. Except WAY closer and WAY more real. It was HUGE. And the most MAGNIFICENT thing in the UNIVERSE. ;)

One word: HORMONES

2010-04-13T20:41:00.013-05:00

Is it bad when a German exchange student recognizes that the reason for your extreme, ridiculously CRAZY emotions and apparent annoyance at the UNIVERSE is a result of one word: hormones?

So it began with the fact that this week is going to and is the most stressful week ever! Add that to getting completely lost trying to find the tennis courts downtown for my meet (Google Maps was WRONG! It told me to turn right on a one way going left!), then coming home to loads of homework and an extremely long do to list when the computer is ignorant and the printer decides to completely malfunction when my dad is not around to fix it. Then I try to do my AP U.S. study guide and it's not even in chronological order - luckily my book is stupid enough to... well just be plain DUMB. Add that to a menstrual cycle and you've got an extremely disoriented lunatic. The German exchange student my family is hosting was fortunate enough (definitely sarcastic!) to see and hear my explosion... he asked if there was anything I wasn't angry at (I said everything but God) then he asked if I wanted to relax and have a cookie. I screamed, "But a cookie didn't help! I still feel bad." He kept it simple, "Perhaps it's just hormones." Yeah... why couldn't I think of that? Instead a 17 year old teenage boy interprets my emotions. Cool, right? :P It makes me feel more like a loser, but I'm sure in a week I won't feel angry at the world! :)

It's times like these when I wonder what God was thinking when He invented hormones. But then again, as my genius exchange student pointed out, "then you wouldn't feel anything." I think it's good to feel emotions. An unemotional person is tediously boring. We have emotions so we can express our thoughts and feelings. I am glad for that, but we still have to deal with the annoying, angry, sad, and simply frustrated emotions! That's when I turn to the Bible. God never lets me down!

John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible: "Jesus wept." Yet, it conveys a deep and vital meaning. Even Jesus had to deal with the emotions of the world. He cried too! (Now I understand why I was so emotional for my previous post two days ago) Emotions are perfectly normal, but it's dealing with those emotions that can be difficult.

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

'I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Did you catch that? Paul was content in every circumstance! Talk about discipline. My hormones can cause me to act insanely crazy! Yet I can still choose to control those emotions and not lash out my anger on everyone else. (I'm sorry if I did) The good thing about emotions and hormones like these is that they're temporary. Don't worry about being forever angry or sad. It's just a season that will pass by momentarily. (I thank God that in this case it's only once month) Like He says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

-Emotions picture from Google

He hears me when I cry

2010-04-11T17:15:00.012-05:00

I lost a $20 bill today. If that's not a tragedy, then it is when you realize it was my dad's $20. With such a simple screw-up, I wasn't exactly okay with the situation. Instead of just letting it go and saying, "Oh well," I decided to beat myself up over it for an hour. I always tell myself not to cry, because it's not worth it, but I usually end up saying goodbye to a few tears...

Add that to an infinite amount of homework, and I couldn't help but explode. I didn't even want to go to the grocery store for my mom - so I was already in a bad mood. My dad handed me a $20 and I stuck it in the grocery list. I would have just put it in my pocket, but I was wearing a dress and couldn't. The store was crowded! So as I rushed to find the groceries, I got out the list and... oops... somehow the $20 must have fallen out. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I wanted to scream when I got to the register and couldn't find it. Using my money to pay for the $6 worth of groceries, I ran around for a few minutes looking for it. My pessimism told me that it was so crowded I would never find it and someone already picked it up. I also assumed that whoever found it would not have admitted it. I feel like no one is honest these days. So I left.

The entire car ride the anger just boiled inside me. My hair was flying out of the window, obscuring my vision, but I didn't care! So what if I couldn't see?!? I was a miserable, frustrated, good-for-nothing girl who couldn't even be responsible to watch over one green piece of paper. On top of that, I was never going to finish my homework and would basically fail out of high school. Okay... maybe not that dramatic, but my thoughts conveyed feelings like that!

My mom replied, "You're kidding." I screamed, "No! Why would I be kidding?!?!?" I raced upstairs and plopped on my bed, tears welling up in my eyes. What would Dad think? Well... I haven't actually told him yet. But hopefully, after writing this blog post, I'll be comforted by God and ready for whatever comes. I know he'll give me a long lecture and be thoroughly upset. But I think I lectured myself hard enough!

The wonderful thing about God is He loves you no matter what. During this dramatic experience, a thought kept appearing in my head (straight from God I think!): God still loves me. No matter how many times you fail in life, Jesus will always be there to pick you up. I'll probably never find the $20. But is money really worth fussing over? "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19). It wouldn't matter if I lost a $100! Okay, I would be extremely upset, but everything is God's anyway. That $20 came from God and is still Gods. The earth and everything in it is His (Psalm 24:1).

Why should I be afraid of my Dad's reaction anyway? I honestly don't need my parents' love (although I am so blessed to have amazing parents). God created us with one desire: Him and His love. I always know that He is by my side and STILL LOVES ME. :) Everything else is Satan and his evil schemes.

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

A reoccurring song I've been listening to today is "When She Cries," by Britt Nicole (an awesome singer!!!). It's the perfect example of how God hears you, no matter what you go through in life. This example is far worse than my simple story, but it's the same principle. God hears me when I cry!

-$20 bill picture from Google

Blinded

2010-04-08T17:16:00.017-05:00

Yesterday I almost got in a car accident. It's not like it was my fault or anything (although you might automatically assume that from previous incidents...). Actually, I was just minding my own business - staying in my lane - when a car randomly starts turning from the left, into my lane! It all happened in seconds, but he didn't even notice! To this day, he'll never know that he almost killed me. Luckily, my dad was in the car. He noticed it like nanoseconds before me, but he still pointed out how I didn't notice it soon enough and how if I had been alone, I would have surely gotten hit. Yeah, right Dad. I would be a nervous wreck if it weren't for you. Doesn't he realize I'm leaving (probably 2,000 miles away) for college a year?

Anyway, even a minute after this occurred, I was not only still shocked, but I was contemplating other deep meanings behind this. For example, the world is so blinded! Everyone is like that guy who nearly ran me over. They aren't even aware of their blindness. It's sad, really. Satan has blinded them from the truth with his appealing lies.

1 John 2:11 (NIV)

"But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him."

The lie says that you can get to Heaven by your own works. The truth says that only Jesus can save you by grace alone.

The lie says that the world can bring you happiness. It says that a boyfriend can comfort you all times and always be there for you. The truth says only Jesus can satisfy. He is the bread of life.

The lie says you should look out for #1 - yourself. The truth says to love your neighbor as yourself. And for God to be first priority.

The lie says to follow your heart. What if your heart is immoral? What if it doesn't align with God's will? The truth says to obey God and His commands - to trust in Him and His perfect plan.

The biggest lie of all says that Christianity is false. That there is no such thing as God. And that people who choose to believe in something they can't see are irrational and stupid. They think that science can and will prove everything. But that's what's so intriguing about faith - it can't be proved. God doesn't want to just show Himself. That would defeat the purpose. After all, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1). The truth is Jesus Christ. He is the Savior and King of the world. God created the universe and knows us better than we know ourselves. The truth will set you free!

Isaiah 35:4-6 (NIV)

"say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you."
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped."

I cannot wait for that day! Do you know how exciting it is to no longer be blind? The blind men Jesus healed knew exactly how it felt. One such man exclaimed in John 9:25, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!" My prayer is that God will open the eyes of my friends. So that they might see the truth. Like the man who almost crashed into my car, so is the rest of the world with faith. They are blind.

This is simply one example of a lie that so many people believe. They think that love will satisfy them. Yes, and no. The love of Jesus Christ satisfies all desires. But the love of the world brings heartbreak and tears.
It's never enough.

(blind picture found on Google)

Not ashamed of the Gospel

2010-04-07T07:08:00.013-05:00

This may come as a shock, but I find it difficult to write a research paper without having it sound like a sermon. I just can't help but mention the gospel or the freedom that God brings. It's completely natural, because He saved my life and I yearn to give Him glory and share the truth.

The problem is when I become so biased that I seem like a judgmental bigot (someone who won't even listen to other people's opinions). I am sorry! I think one of the most difficult things I ever struggle with in life is judgment. Only God has the right to judge anyone. It's not my place. I just become so frustrated, that I'm willing to get in people's faces to bring them the truth.

This summer I'm (hopefully) going on a missions trip to Mexico. I have to admit, it's going to be scary. In my church I'm in a Sunday School class called "Underground Vietnam." It's so inspiring to watch Christians risk their lives for the sake of the Gospel! How could they do such a thing? Paul is a perfect example. He was actually debating which was better - to live now and carry out God's will, or to die for his work and go live in Heaven with Jesus!

Philippians 1:20 (NIV)

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Either way he won! That kind of mindset can cause you to accomplish great things in life. God can eliminate any fear and bring courage. I am so thankful He does. That's exactly why I am so bold. All of my friends know I am. They label it as "radical," but so what? I am a radical Jesus Freak. And nothing can stop my enthusiasm for the Bible. Nothing can take away God's love from me (Romans 8:38-39). I am not ashamed of the Gospel!

Romans 1:16 (NIV)

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."

Why are there so many closet Christians? You know, Christians who are ashamed of the gospel. Or at least afraid of what their friends will think of them. They've said the prayer; they may even have fruit in their lives. But they are not an active witness for Jesus Christ. You might not even be able to differentiate between them and an atheist! We are called to be lights in the world and carry out the Great Commission - making disciples! That doesn't necessarily mean to immediately tell everyone you meet about Jesus (although I think that would be fun). The best approach is to live out your life like Jesus. To tell your family and friends about the Good News. And to not be ashamed of the Gospel!!! The POWER of God can defeat any evil. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Be courageous!

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

-Image found on Google

Significance of Easter

2010-04-04T14:26:00.003-05:00

What's so great about Easter? (Not the chocolate bunny or jelly beans...) Yes, I know Jesus is alive, but what else? Why is it significant...

It couldn't have stopped at Good Friday. I see the point of the cross as clearly as a newly windexed glass window, so why is Easter harder? After all, it's certainly a happier event - death isn't exactly rainbows and flowers! It wouldn't have been a miracle. If Jesus had simply died, there wouldn't be any strong foundation for our faith. Christianity is based solely on two events: the cross, and the grave. Just imagine what it would have been like: to physically see Jesus die on a cross, and then see Him alive 3 days later. Little did they know He was speaking of His body when He referred to "temple."

John 2:19 (NIV)

"Jesus answered them, 'Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.'"

Everyone must have been dumbfounded. Even Jesus' disciples who thought they knew the Messiah. But it's not what they expected. Expectations can be dangerous. The Jews thought He would save them from the Romans. They wanted a temporary salvation. But God had a larger purpose - one that would save all of humanity for generations to come! You see, Jesus is alive, therefore we are too!!! :)

Luke 20:38 (NIV)

"He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive."

The BEST PART about Easter - and Christianity, in general - is Jesus' victory. About a month ago, I gave a speech by Billy Graham for public address in Speech Team. He gave the speech 3 days after 9-11.

"The cross tells us that God understands our sin and our suffering. For He took upon himself, in the person of Jesus Christ, our sins and our suffering. And from the cross, God declares "I love you. I know the heart aches, and the sorrows, and the pains that you feel, but I love you." The story does not end with the cross, for Easter points us beyond the tragedy of the cross to the empty tomb. It tells us that there is hope for eternal life, for Christ has conquered evil, and death, and hell. Yes, there's hope."

You see? Jesus has conquered death! That's why, "He's ALIVE," is so vital! If we choose to place our trust in Him, and believe in that He rose from the dead, we too can be alive, and experience freedom. The Gospel really is good news. If it wasn't, the disciples wouldn't have risked their lives to share it. If it wasn't, missionaries wouldn't be so bold. If faith wasn't something worth believing in, then I certainly wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it. In fact, my entire life would be different. It would be void of purpose, and I would spend eternity in Hell. Can you see why I am so thankful for the cross and the empty tomb? Can you truly SEE?

I jump up and down out of joy - because my Savior is alive! I praise His name with music - because He has overcome sin. I can't help but share the good news with everyone I meet - because this message is the only thing worth living for. My prayer is that you might have faith. Yes, it takes a HUGE leap. But Christ died for you. He rose from the grave in 3 days, and brings HOPE for every lost soul! Amen - we are victorious!!!

Happy Easter! :) Its message should bring you joy everyday.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57 (NIV)

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory.'
'Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

This song is currently my FAVORITE!!! I hope you enjoy it as well - it seems like the appropriate happy, uplifting Easter song. ;)

1 John 5:3-5 (NIV)

"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

When I first read this, I was stunned. Isn't it just fantastic?!? WE (Christians) can overcome the WORLD!!! There you go: I can be queen of the world! ;) But let's not get a big head - only by the power of the cross, and Jesus Christ. Amen -for Jesus is risen!

-Gorgeous live oak tree picture taken by Bubbly at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. :) I figured a tree is a universal symbol for life - and Jesus brings us life! Happy Easter. :D

A Day of Forgiveness

2010-04-02T15:10:00.014-05:00

Today, is a day of forgiveness. Jesus Christ died on a cross. Just for me. He loves me that much! I can't imagine how it felt - to bear the sin of the world on His shoulders. And we think we have burdens! The free gift of grace is the best thing available on this earth (see "The Free Gift of Grace"). I make mistakes (believe me!). Even today alone, I came home feeling like a failure! But God is forgiving. The blood of Jesus covers all of my sins. It washes them as white as snow. I am so thankful for that! The least I can do in response is obey God's commandment and forgive others like He forgave me.

Matthew 18:35 (NIV)

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Mark 11:25 (NIV)
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

For the past four months I have been in the process of forgiving someone who hurt me deeply. It's the first time I've actually had to forgive like this, so I'm new to this process. I wrote about it two weeks ago (see "He heals the brokenhearted"). I've also been praying about it - for God to give me courage, humility, and love. What better day to forgive than Good Friday? So... today, from the bottom of my heart, only through the power of God, I forgive. You have no idea how good it feels to finally let go! It was a burden. Yes, I was trusting God in other areas of my life, but I never realized I was still in bondage. Now, I can walk in freedom!!!

Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus was beaten, nailed to a cross, and murdered. The ONLY perfect man to ever come into this world - and we kill Him. I've learned that the world isn't fair, but this is just preposterous! We are all guilty when it comes down to the bottom line. We all fall short (Romans 3:23). Not one is righteous, and that's why all of us need a Savior. How blessed are we that God cares and loves us sooooooo much that He sent Jesus??!!

It's not easy - to forgive. It's the narrow road less traveled, that involves humility (giving up your right of being right), courage, and love (God is love!). I can't even attempt to comprehend what it would be like to forgive without God. If you don't know God, then you don't know love. If you don't know God, then you've never seen forgiveness. If you don't know God, you're still in bondage of sin. I feel sorry for you! Life is hard. And forgiveness is the harder route, but it also results in freedom, which makes it worth everything in the end. It doesn't benefit the person who harmed you. It helps YOU. God doesn't mention it over 100 times in the Bible for no reason - it's important! I genuinely have freedom because I chose the path of forgiveness. What will you choose?

Happy Good Friday everyone! Remember the cross.

1 John 4:10-11 (NIV)

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

-Cross picture taken by Bubbly (it's my brand new cross necklace!)

John 19:19 (NIV)

"Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

"Then they will know that I am the Lord..."

2010-04-01T07:32:00.017-05:00

Lately, I've been frustrated. Monday I was over-exceedingly joyful - just because Jesus loves me and has blessed me with so much. However, I've also experienced some depressing moods. It's probably useless to dwell on the things of this world, but it just upsets me. People - a lot of people - are believing lies! They are falling for the greatest trap of all, and aren't hearing the truth. To think even more pessimistically, even when they do hear, their eyes, ears, and hearts are closed. This kind of thinking is perfect for reading Ezekiel.

Ezekiel, just like Jeremiah and all of the other prophets, is supposed to obey God in the midst of a rebellious Israel. God is so hurt and angry at His chosen people, that He wants to bring judgment on them. Constantly, He says, then, "They will know that I am the LORD" (Ezekiel 12:15 for example). It's hurts me to see peers, teachers, friends, and ordinary strangers, willingly turn away from God and deny His existence. Now, Satan wants me to think that it's hopeless. That nothing they are gone for good and I can't do anything. But I am reminded of God's truth - "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). Reading Ezekiel also made me realize these things:

"you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see
and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people." Ezekiel 12:2

"'The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled. For there will be no more false visions or flattering divinations among the people of Israel. But I the LORD will speak what I will, and it shall be fulfilled without delay. For in your days, you rebellious house, I will fulfill whatever I say, declares the Sovereign LORD.' " Ezekiel 12:23-25

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God." Ezekiel 11:19-20

Yes, the world is a rebellious people. They openly turn away from their Creator and seek evil. But God can melt away any heart of stone. He will fulfill His Word. I will be encouraged and strengthened by the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me. What's better, I can be a light to this lost nation. I can share the truth (Jesus Christ) with everyone I meet, and hopefully they will see God in me. It may be the only God they ever see. One by one, I will plant seeds for His kingdom, and share with a fire in my eyes, the only truth in the world!

1 Corinthians 3:7 (NIV)
"So neither he who plants nor he who waters
is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

-Flower picture taken by Bubbly. :) Isn't it the perfect example of spring? I love how God makes everything grow!

Snickers Satisfies?

2010-03-21T19:17:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was eating an Almond Snickers bar. I was unaware of the new candy, but it was indeed delicious! While I was glancing over the nutrition label (I find it impossible not to, since I'm a nutrition enthusiast), I came across one of their slogans, "Snickers Satisfies." There was a .com after it - their website makes your mouth water! Anyway, I immediately related it to God (How could I not?). I screamed at my Snickers bar You're wrong! God is the bread of life and the only thing in this world that can truly satisfy! I figured it was a hopeless debate. The Snickers won.

But despite my defeat, I have one thing against that Snickers slogan: the Bible. I found several references to the keyword "satisfy" besides the bread of life verse (John 6:35).

Psalm 90:14 (NIV)

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."

How glorious is that?! God's love is the most satisfying thing in the universe. His compassion never ends, and He is the ONLY thing that can fully satisfy.

Psalm 145:16 (NIV)

"You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

I do enjoy a Snickers bar every once in a while, but even the healthiest, most protein-filled meal cannot satisfy me. Even if I had all of the wealth and fame of the world, I wouldn't be happy. If I had the most loving family (which I do!) I still wouldn't experience God's everlasting love. Praise the ultimate provider! He will not let you go hungry, and His Word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11).

-Snickers Satisfies picture found on Google

The Spiritual Physical

2010-03-20T20:15:00.007-05:00

On Thursday I renewed my physical for the tennis season. It's one of those things you have to go to every year just in case you're not "fit" to be active in sports. It just so happens (not a coincidence, but part of God's plan) that on Friday night the sermon at my Bible Quizzing competition was on a spiritual physical. The message was based on 2 Corinthians 13:5, which was appropriate because we were studying first and second Corinthians.

2 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)

"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?"

The following are the four criteria of the spiritual physical examination:

1) Food - Are you eating right? Not the hot dog or potato chips you're shoving down your mouth, but the spiritual food you consume, which is the Word of God. Reading the Bible is crucial to your health. Worldly food (AKA junk food!) is everything else society throws at you. The media, for example, has an enormous influence on our lives. While the Bible might be telling you to save your virginity for marriage, your favorite sitcom or movie might be advocating the opposite. This is unhealthy!

John 6:35 (NIV)

"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

2) Vitamins - Prayer life! Prayer, or talking to God, recharges us. How else are we supposed to examine His will for us? How are we supposed to make wise decisions or gain discernment? (see "Prayer" post) Just like we take daily vitamin supplements in addition to our food, we need a dedicated prayer life on top of our faith.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NIV)

"pray continually."

3) Weight - Are you watching your weight? What's weighing you down in life? The weight of the world is burdensome. It can come in the form of technology, a busy life, or peer pressure -anything that causes you to stumble in your faith! Let's face it: life can be tough. But God can remove those burdens. He also calls us to carry each others' burdens (Galatians 6:2). Accountability partners are an excellent way to keep your faith in check. Good Christian friends can remind us of the most important thing, Jesus, and point out Satan's stumbling blocks (Matthew 16:23).

Psalm 68:19 (NIV)

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."

4) Exercise - Put into practice what you believe. Just like exercise is a crucial part of staying fit, it's the same with exercising your faith! After all, what good is faith without actions? We are not only called to be like Christ, but share with others our new-found hope! According to the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19-20, we are to go and make disciples of all nations. James chapter 2 is the perfect illustration of faith and deeds.

James 2:14-19
"¹⁴What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? ¹⁵Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
¹⁸But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.
¹⁹You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder."

(Physical picture found on Google)

He heals the brokenhearted

2010-03-18T07:16:00.018-05:00

Last night I should not have attended youth group. I had far too much homework, and I have already stayed up past 10 or 11 for the duration of the week. However, a friend of mine invited me to her youth group and I decided to give it a try. The lesson was on forgiveness. And it was the perfect antidote.

About three months ago I experienced my first heartbreak. I was crushed. Angry. Frustrated. Shocked. Sad. And it was painful. I was truly, truly hurt. Despite my broken heart, I realize that it was all in God's plan. I've learned countless life-long lessons from this event. In fact, I'm still in the process of learning. I've realized that I can't trust in man ("Best Friend" blog post), change is good ("Change" post), pride is one of the worst sins ("Wrong Way!" post), and forgiveness is necessary ("Forgiveness" post). Apart from those, I've gained valuable experiences, and have learned to rely on God for love and satisfaction. What I didn't realize is that these are all connected! In the end, it all comes down to forgiveness.

In the previous post on forgiveness, I was basically exploring my thoughts. I wasn't quite ready to forgive, but I knew I had to sometime or another. I'm still not totally ready, but the youth group lesson last night gave me some insight. I have never learned to forgive because I've never had to before. I'm not referring to the little mishaps within the family where my dad will yell at me and I'll forgive him. I've never experienced something this big.

The youth pastor broke the lesson into three main points. The first is separating the person from the event. This is difficult. Once someone has wronged you, it's nearly impossible to still view that person before the incident. It's as if this one occurence alters your entire perception, and the sin they committed merges into the person. I never thought about this! What a novel idea. After all, God looks at everyone of us with love. He has compassion on us despite our sin - which hurts Him! Jesus is the ultimate example of forgiveness. Even while the Roman soldiers were mocking the "King of the Jews," beating Him, putting a crown of thorns on Him, spitting on Him, and nailing Him to a cross, Jesus still loved them. Yes, He hated their sin. But no, He didn't hate them. Jesus loved us so much that He took the weight of the world upon His shoulders, which was more unbearable than the physical pain - our sin.

Ephesians 1:7 (NIV)

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace."

Grace is such a beautiful gift (see "The Free Gift of Grace"). It's the act of loving people despite their sin. Holding grudges is overrated. If God gave us grace, don't you think we should only return the greatest gift by forgiving our friends and family in the same way? Like I mentioned in the earlier forgiveness post, it isn't just "because God said so." Everything God commands is for a reason, and it just so happens that forgiving benefits us in the long run. The past few months I have been angry. I've held onto that anger, letting it fester and grow, and my cold heart is not in the mood to forgive. I know it's part of God's plan, but am I truly trusting Him?

That brings me to the second point: TRUST God. One would think that I have gotten a hold of this concept, considering my many blog posts on this topic (see "Trust" for ex.), but with God nothing ever ends. Yes, I trusted that my heartbreak was part of God's plan, but I didn't fully trust that He would completely, totally, and miraculously mend my broken heart. I just figured I would have to live with the pain and somehow manage, getting through it myself. If you haven't read my blog, then you know this is contrary to my other experiences and beliefs. I don't just "get through it myself." God is my strength! Through Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)! One very convicting statement the pastor said went something like this, "If you are playing the silent game and not forgiving the person who hurt you, then that reflects your faith. It means you don't trust that God can fix what's broken." WOW. This was God speaking to me. I have to admit, despite my normal personality, which talks practically non-stop, I have been keeping silent. It's because I'm too afraid to confront the problem. I'm not willing to trust God with everything and just forgive the person! I can't let go of my pride.

Yes, my pride. Again, I have blogged many times about humility ("David - a role model for humility" and "Wrong Way!"). And just like God tells me, "everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted" (Luke 14:11). But Satan likes to disguise sin. He whispers in my ear, "You have the right to be angry. After all, you haven't done anything wrong." For a while I believed the lies! I thought I was practically perfect, and especially in the situation. But the pastor's third point stirred my guilty heart. He said the final step in forgiveness is "to lay down your right of being right!" This is a difficult thing to comprehend for us stubborn humans. We are always blaming someone! Why would we ever admit our wrong? I know I observe this on a daily basis with my brother and Dad. Not to point any fingers... but they will blame others for obvious events that they clearly had to do with. The other day my brother hurt himself and blamed me! He claimed I was "in the way" and "intruding in his room" so logically that made him trip? It's funny how we always have to justify our wrongdoings. No one wants to hear of their sin. But it's a reality, and we need to face it sometime or another. Whether it be today or on judgment day.

The pastor said we need to PURSUE forgiveness. We can't just keep playing the silent game and wait for the other person to make the first move. Part of the process is humbling yourself. After all, we are ALL sinners (Romans 3:23). At some point or another in our lives we ourselves have wronged someone. All of this involves trusting God. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 5:7 : "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Trust Him. He can fix any broken heart!

Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

God may seem far away. He may be invisible. But He is as real as you and me. And He loves all of us so much. One of my favorite parables is in Mathew 18 when a man asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother. He asks if seven times is sufficient. Jesus replies by saying ""I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Although 490 seems like a gargantuan number, Jesus didn't mean that after 490 you should stop forgiving. He was giving an example of just how important forgiveness is. We aren't called to forgive some of the times, or only on Sundays. The pastor brought up Colossians 3:13, which commands us to forgive. This isn't a light topic in the Bible. If it wasn't valuable, Jesus wouldn't have mentioned it, and it wouldn't be mentioned so many other times.

Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Forgiveness isn't a simple or easy task. It is a process that takes a lot of Scripture and trusting in God. Lately, I've been praying for God to give me the ability to forgive. To help me let go of my pride and take a step of faith. Already, I'm starting to change my perception. God is gradually softening my heart. He can truly mend any broken heart. Praise Jesus for His free gift of grace!

-Bubbly

~Flower picture taken by me. I thought it reflected springtime and forgiveness. It's a new beginning. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)!

(Love picture from Google)

Grades - Believing the Lie

2010-03-08T07:37:00.018-06:00

I had an excellent 3 day weekend. Well, it was technically 3 1/2 days after another half day. Either way, I enjoyed every second of it. Normally my weekend is composed of rigorous homework, a busy schedule, and lack of sleep. Instead, after totally rocking my finals (I don't mean to brag, I was simply elated), I experienced 84 hours of fun! But, it felt like 228. Ask me, how did I arrive at that number? I accidentally miscalculated it the first time on my computer, and then completely didn't find that number odd until a friend pointed out my mistake. Oops!

Anyway, I am perfectly content with my finals and final grades for the second trimester. I find it very interesting how I actually stressed less this term, yet achieved a significantly higher GPA. How could this be possible? Is it true that I excel better when I not under so much pressure or when I maintain a relatively laid-back attitude towards my grades? Is it possible that not being so worried about my grades could result in better grades?

BUT....... that was before I had the dream.* Yes, I had another nightmare (see "Dream" post). I misread my GPA. I know it's like the end of the world! But it gets worse. When looked at from the vantage point of an overachiever, analytical, perfectionist, a 4.0 is like doomsday. Instead of the 4.378 I actually received, I misread it and it was a 4.0378. In my dream, I do recall feeling a terrible heap of dread and shame. It's as if I fell short of the quota mark. Like I tried so hard for nothing.

I always beat myself up like this. My mom says she doesn't know where it's coming from. It's not like my parents thrive on my super grades. They simply desire for me to try my best. Which is what I do. But I always feel like I can do better. Unfortunately, my overwhelming schedule doesn't calculate time for extra-credit or more studying. I don't even know why I've been dwelling on these things lately. If God has taught me anything this year it's that grades don't really matter, when focusing on Him (see "A New Perspective").

It's all about the truth. You see, I was telling myself lies when I felt like a failure (I know it seems ridiculous) in my dream of a 4.0! In reality, I have a perfect GPA. I am aware that it's possible to get a 5.0 with AP classes and A+'s. But even if I got a 3.0, the world wouldn't suddenly fall out from underneath me. I would still be living, and as long as have learned the most important lesson you can ever learn in this life - the Gospel and God's plan for salvation through Jesus Christ - then the rest is useless. Do you know what the truth is? It's Jesus Christ. And any lie you encounter in the world is from Satan. He's the father of lies (John 8:44)!

Romans 1:25 (NIV)

"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen."

~Lord, I don't ever want to exchange your truth for lies of the world. Telling myself a 4.0 GPA is a lie. It's not the truth, and I don't ever want to be held captive by lies.

John 8:32 (NIV)

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

-A+ picture from Google.

*Note: Notice how I completely changed the tone of my writing and my entire perspective from just one dream (I'm not purposely trying to be contradictory or confusing). It's amazing how lies can do that. They warp reality and can completely change your mood! That's one reason we each need God so much. He gives us truth. I'm not talking about the definition of truth as "void of lies" or "reality." I'm referring to THE truth - Jesus Christ. He is truth. And His word is the Book of Truth (Daniel 10:21). My mom mentioned an amazing verse the other night: God's Word never returns void!

Isaiah 55:11 (NIV)

"so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Some deep spring thinking...

2010-03-03T18:40:00.012-06:00

Today is the first day of spring. Maybe not according to the calender or science, but to me, it smelled, felt, and looked like spring! On September 28th, it smelled like fall (see "The Smell of Fall"). Perhaps I'm just strange, but the sun and warm weather would also indicate a shift in seasons. Wouldn't it be boring if it was the same season all year round? I am very well aware that different regions in the world display separate climate changes, and some have none. Considering I used to live in a warmer climate, I am not against the tropical weather of Florida, I just also appreciate seasons. It's so exciting to see the sun suddenly come out of its hiding. To watch the snow melt away and the flowers to bud - it's truly lovely. Maybe that's why God created the different seasons, versus punishing people with cold weather. ;)

Don't you think the universe and creation itself is enough proof that there was a Creator behind the complexity? It's difficult for me to understand why people are confused when I state that there's enough evidence for God as there is for evolution and science. In fact, yesterday I got called a "radical." It shocked me for a moment, but then I said, "Thank-you." After all, wasn't Jesus a radical? Two thousand years ago humanity declared the Son of God a radical. So I will take that as a compliment. It shows that I am truly a disciple of Christ. That's what being a Christian is all about!

Although, I believe society has distorted the meaning of being a Christian. So much that people associate it with simply being a good person. That's great and all, but how do you define good? And is that the only basis for this religion? I am confident, 100% positive that there is no human being on earth or ever was, besides Jesus, that has actually followed the Ten Commandments completely. Not one! That's why Christianity (or at least the Bible I follow...) isn't just about strict rules that prevent any "fun." It's about a relationship with God that eliminates our sin in God's eyes, through Jesus' blood on the cross. I'm not perfect. Just ask my family! But because I believe and trust in God, through Jesus I am innocent. I will go to Heaven when I die. Not because I read the Bible. Not because I'm a "good" person. Or because I merely believe in God. The demons believe in God and they shudder!

That brings up another good point. Faith without deeds is useless. I'm terribly sorry if I sound like I'm making contradictory statements. But faith is a difficult topic to comprehend. Essentially, in order to be a follower of Christ (Christian) you have to, by faith, believe in God, trust in Him, and then demonstrate your faith by actively professing it and loving others like Christ loved us. There you go - a synopsis of the Christian faith. :)

Faith is just that. It takes a huge leap! But I also think it takes faith to be an atheist. If you claim you don't believe in God, you have faith that He doesn't exist! I may be biased, but I think it takes more faith to be an atheist, and I also believe there is more evidence for God than not! There's even a recent book called I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist.

As much as I want to make everyone a Christian and have them see the truth - which is Jesus, I can't. I can't force anyone and ultimately I can't "convert" anyone. That's the job of the Holy Spirit. Even though God wants everyone of us to go to Heaven and choose life, He created us with free-will. If He hadn't, we would be robots forced to love Him. I don't know about you, but most relationships on the earth don't go well when someone tries to force another to love them. It just isn't the same.

I can tell you that God is real. He reveals Himself through creation, miracles, the Bible, non-coincidences, others, and His love. I can also tell you that God's love does not compare to anything in the universe! He gives me a peace beyond understanding and joy. I feel sorry for those who don't personally know God. They must experience a deep emptiness because nothing else in the world can fully satisfy. It is my prayer that God will reveal Himself to them. It is my prayer that they will face those doubts and grow stronger in faith. Hopefully, me, the so-called radical, can show them the light. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6)!

1 John 2:4-6 (NIV)

"The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

-Picture taken last spring :)

A Dream

2010-03-01T17:52:00.010-06:00

Last night I had a nightmare. I dreamed my Bible fell into the ocean. I was swimming and fighting to grab it and hold onto its words. The ink was fading and I worked hard to wash the dirt off with soap. In the end I saved it. It was rescued from the waves and the words were still alive.

I shared this dream with my FCA group today. One interpretation was that God was going to send me on a missions trip across the ocean. I am going to Mexico this summer, but I'm pretty sure the Gulf of Mexico doesn't count. Maybe someday I'll go across the sea to Africa or Asia on a missions trip.

But my mom's interpretation was the best, and most accurate depiction I believe. She said that it's true. That the dream is a picture of what goes on in my daily life on this earth. I am constantly bombarded with waves. Everyone and everything are trying to grab God's words away from me and I have to fight to save them. But in the end, I wonder if it's really me saving them. For it's God's Word that's the light to my path and the bread of life. I live on the Bible. Yes, waves are constantly trying to steal my Jesus. They want so badly to smear the truth and erase the ink on the pages. But not with my God. He will rescue me and His Word will prevail. Jesus triumphs in the end. The world can't take away Scripture. No. The waves will never grab hold of my Bible!

Ephesians 6:17 (NIV)

"Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

~Thank-you God for giving me this revelation. I know you will fulfill all of your promises. And in the end, your Word will save me!

(Wave picture from Google)

Forgiveness

2010-02-09T19:27:00.012-06:00

Has someone ever wronged you? What was your response? Did you give them the silent treatment for a month? Or did you constantly remind them of their sin and stay angry at them? This is a perfectly human thing to do. We all have done it (or at least I have)! Maybe you don't tell it to their face, but inside continually hold a grudge. Forgiveness is the correct response. Not a "I forgive you" but still hate your guts for hurting me, but a "I understand you're human, and are sorry for your wrong. You don't deserve punishment from me. God convicts you of your sin. I forgive you. Let's start over and not fight again." That would be a perfectly, practical, easy approach right? Ha! Something tells me it's not that easy...

In the book of Job, three of Job's friends give him advice about the difficult situation he's going through. They don't mean harm, but happen to be wrong in a few areas and told him the wrong things. Job's forgiveness is an accurate example of how we're called to forgive.

Job 42:7-10 (NIV)

"After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, 'I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.' So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job's prayer.

After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before."

When I first read this, it was during a difficult time I was going through. I was hurt by a friend's actions and wasn't quite ready to forgive. To be honest, I had never really experienced true forgiveness, because I had never been hurt that badly. I was so angry. I kept on asking God, why me? Why do I have to suffer for someone else's wrongdoing? But I'm not perfect either. I've hurt people before too. And since God forgives everyone's sins, we should do the same. It's called compassion. You need to erase the bad memories, and start over. Wipe the slate clean and forgive, truly forgive them.

My Bible, the teenage girl True Images Bible by Zondervan (copyright 2007) had a perfect study insert in the Job chapter on forgiveness.

"For you, does forgiveness mean forgiving and forgetting? Or do you claim to forgive yet still hold a grudge? God promised to forgive the sin of Job's well-meaning but totally wrong friends. He didn't plan on reminding them about their sin later. Forgiveness is just like God says-it's not treating someone as he or she deserves. It also means wiping the slate completely clean. Is there someone who needs your forgiveness? How willing are you to totally forgive from the heart?"

Something else that struck me as important in the forgiveness concept is the reward. Forgiveness doesn't exactly benefit the person who sinned against you. They might not even know if you've forgiven them. But, it benefits who a whole lot more, when you can learn to love that person again. When you can learn to wipe the slate clean and not hold a grudge. I've realized that holding grudges is exhausting. It's not exactly comforting or my idea of fun. When you forgive, it's like a burden has been lifted. You're no longer worried about anything. You're free to love again. The number one, greatest commandment in the Bible is to love one another.

I think there's a direct correlation to love and freedom (see previous posts on freedom: Freedom! and Red, White, and Blue is not True Freedom). And forgiveness. Once you learn to forgive, you learn to love. Once you love, you experience freedom. It's like a bulls-eye if you hit all three!

Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."

Perhaps you might have noticed it, but isn't it kind of contradictory that to be free, you must serve? After all, a servant is not free. They are the counter opposite! But, God works in mysterious ways, and He is the truth. There is truth in this message. To experience freedom, you must be a servant of God-obeying His commands and fulfilling His purpose for you. It may seem tedious, boring, or just plain weird, but trust me. You will never be free from sin without obeying God and trusting in His son Jesus, who died on the cross to set you free. Every time I hear of God's amazing love for us, I swell up with joy. How great is the Lord almighty! Praise His name for He has forgiven our sins!

I am reminded of the glorious plan in the Bible regarding Joseph. His brothers had really treated him badly. If you think you've been hurt, it's nothing compared to your own brothers selling you! They sold Joseph as a slave because of their jealousy for his father's favor on him. But, since God is so awesome, the plan worked out for the benefit of everyone! Joseph was put in charge of the kingdom's food supply, and shrewdly stored up enough. He saved many lives because a famine came to the region.

Genesis 50:15-21 (NIV)
¹⁵ When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?" ¹⁶ So they sent word to Joseph, saying, "Your father left these instructions before he died: ¹⁷ 'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.' Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father." When their message came to him, Joseph wept.
¹⁸ His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. "We are your slaves," they said.
¹⁹ But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. ²¹ So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

No matter how much pain someone has caused you, I encourage you to take a step of faith and forgive them. It may take some time. But in the end, you'll learn to love, and ultimately experience freedom! God's plan is so perfect, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

-Forgiveness picture and Forgiveness saying found on Google.

The Omnivore's Dilemma

2010-02-07T22:09:00.008-06:00

I just finished reading this fascinating book for AP Environmental Science called "The Omnivore's Dilemma," by Michael Pollan. It discusses the rising epidemic facing our nation. We don't know what to eat! Even though we can eat practically everything and anything, we don't know what's the healthiest. Quite frankly, our government isn't providing us with adequate nutrition because they are so corrupted by money, and as a result we are facing a national eating disorder! The entire system disgusts me. Why does my health have to suffer by the hands of the corrupt world. Well, I guess that's what you can expect from sinful humans. But, you're probably asking, why not just eat organic? He shoots that argument down by stating various problems with organic food, that contain the same preservatives in all food. I have to admit, after reading this book, I wasn't exactly in an optimistic mood. But, it was an enlightening experience, and I acquired some different perspectives on life.

The following is a short summary (I paraphrased) of what he said regarding animals rights.

There is a rising controversy about the ethics of eating animals. The number of vegetarians is rising, so what's changing? We are experiencing a type of schizophrenia – we give our dogs Christmas presents while we eat our Christmas ham! A pig is as intelligent as a dog, so why the discrepancy? Our distance from animals allows for our mistreatment. Michael Pollan reads the book Animal Liberation by Peter Singer, which has turned thousands of people into vegetarians. He has a persuasive argument. Is equality for animals the same as for blacks and whites? Pollan immediately distinguishes his premise by explaining that "domesticated animals can't survive in the wild; in fact without us eating them they wouldn't exist at all" (pg. 310). There's mutualism between us and the animals. Predation actually keeps all species surviving. Isn't it natural, after all, to give rights to one's kind? The problem facing many is, animals can feel pain. Singer writes that "a lifetime of suffering for a non-human animal and the gastronomic preferences of a human being" (pg. 312) is not right. He suggests that you have two options: "You look away – or you stop eating animals." To effectively answer Singer's questions, Michael Pollan became a temporary vegetarian. He realized that he was isolated from society and that it's a "sacrifice of our identity as humans" (pg. 315).

The difference between animal pain and human pain is that human's have emotions: regret, self-pity, shame, humiliation, dread, etc. We have a self consciousness, unlike animals. Another argument religions make it that animals don't have souls, therefore they are (obviously) not as important as humans. Humans also possess language and the ability to have thoughts. But is it still right to make animals suffer? Because we don't "look," we are blind to the cruelty. Egg-laying hens is one example of the disturbing fate domesticated animals face. Our human morality wasn't meant to apply to nature, though. It was meant for other humans; animals are supposed to be our food. Killing animals is unavoidable in food – even wheat involves killing insects with its fertilizers and birds with its pesticides. We should concentrate on the health of nature instead of the moral code of eating animals.

Michael Pollan believes there are three options to the eating animals issue. He thinks that instead of either looking away or cease consuming meat, we should look with respect. We should continue to eat animals with a new perspective on life. All of America should put its slaughterhouses in glass, so we can see the brutality and change it! Creating a transparent (both literally and figuratively) meat industry could be a solution to all of our problems.

Although he didn't mention religion very much, I believe God created animals for us to eat. You can see this by nature! The biology and science behind life displays the complexity of life, and the perfect plan for it all. Here's a funny, yet true quote from the book:

"In a sense, the 'good life' for deer, and even their creaturely character, which has been forged in the crucible of predation, depends on the existence of the wolf. In a similar way chickens depend for their well-being on the existence of their human predators. Not the individual chicken, perhaps, but Chicken – the species. The surest way to achieve the extinction of the species would be to grant the chickens a right to life" (pg. 322).

Isn't that last line ironic? You would think it would be the opposite, but it's all part of God's plan. We depend on the animals for our survival, yet they depend on us for the survival of their species. Fascinating isn't it?

During one part of the book, Michael Pollan decides to go hunting, and make his own meal.

Being a young woman, I have never been hunting, and I don't plan on it. The idea of killing an animal frightens me, and I don't dare to think about the fact that I eat part of a live animal every day. When I was a little girl, I was unaware of this minor detail. I guess I knew (why did didn't bother me, I don't know) that a chicken was a chicken, but I never knew the meaning of the word "beef" or "bacon." Pork and hamburger were just food. When my parents told me that beef and hamburger was a cow, and that bacon and pork was a pig, I was devastated! You mean, I was eating a cow my entire life, oblivious to the situation. I always happily said, "Moo!" when asked what sound a cow makes, but knowing that I took the moo from my cow almost sent tears to my eyes. Poor cow…

Either way, I cringe when I hear my uncle (an enthusiastic hunter) say he killed another deer. Michael Pollan, to my surprise, had never been hunting either. I could actually relate to him! He had never even held a gun, and was reluctant to take the life of an animal. His conclusion at the end of the matter was encouraging, though. He realized the sacrifice of the wild pig had satisfied his family (something we take for granted) and felt gratitude. This is a completely new concept regarding hunting. But, it's what the Native Americans did when they used all of the contents of bison and other rituals – to preserve nature and thank it for providing for them. We do the opposite. Our society is wasteful and spoiled. We vacuum up all of nature's resources and don't care to leave a "thank-you." The Indians appreciated the gift nature brought them. So often we forget this! Because we don't see. We've isolated ourselves from our food and have forgotten the importance of it. Yes, it's difficult to overcome taking the life of an animal. But if that animal keeps you surviving, then thank it! That's a little weird for me, but I understand where Pollan's coming from. It's why he called his final meal the "Omnivore's Thanksgiving."

I think it's healthy to look at what you eat. Not just the nutrition label, but to appreciate what God has provided. That's why saying "grace" was invented. It was a way of thanking God for blessing the family with food. After all, we wouldn't live long without it.

Deuteronomy 12:21 (NIV)

"If the place where the LORD your God chooses to put his Name is too far away from you, you may slaughter animals from the herds and flocks the LORD has given you, as I have commanded you, and in your own towns you may eat as much of them as you want."

Throughout the Old Testament, God uses animals as sacrifices, to cover the Israelites' sin. Now, Jesus takes the form of a lamb, and died on the cross to wipe away all of our sins. But, I think the Bible is clear that animals were meant for us to eat them. It's how we were created - as omnivores. Unfortunately, we do face a dilemma with our new food chain, industry. The ultimate solution of how to eat is... still pending. Sorry. Perhaps someday I'll find a perfect solution, where we go back to the old ways of eating fresh and healthy fruits and vegetables. For now, I'll attempt to enjoy my yogurt fruit smoothies. Enjoy eating those Cheetos during the Superbowl (which just ended...), but remember the natural food God provided us with! Goodnight.

-God bless, Bubbly :)

-Omnivore's Dilemma picture, and chicken picture found on Google.

"Assurance is Attainable"

2010-02-07T14:37:00.014-06:00

How do you know that you're saved? This seven-worded sentence is one of the most important questions you'll ever confront in your life. Answering it is vital to your life now, and eternity. That's a scary thought, isn't it?

Today, I decided to go to a different church. My FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) group and I went to our Coach's church to compare. We were talking about how a church is not the building, but the people, in this case the FCA huddle. It was nice to get a group from school to gather and come to the same church. It was an enlightening experience, and the sermon was inspirational!

The pastor began by reading 1 John 2:5-6.

"But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

This is the NIV version, but the ESV version uses a different word for "live in him." Instead, it used the word "abide in him."

"but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked."

I had to look up the meaning of "abide" and found these definitions (dictionary.com): "to act in accord with; to submit to; agree to; to remain steadfast or faithful to; keep." Basically, if we're abiding in Christ, we are keeping a covenant with Him, similar to marriage. In fact, the word "know" in biblical times, was translated to the bond between the marriage of a husband and a wife. "Know" is used about 45 times in the book of 1 John, and the only way we can be assured salvation, is if we know God.

If I were to ask you, "do you know the president?" you might reply, "I know of him, but not personally." It's the same with God. I'm sure most Americans have heard of Jesus Christ, but do they really know Him? Perhaps some even know about Him. They could tell you a thousand facts about His life and the history behind the Bible, but they don't truly know Him. The pastor used an analogy to an apple. You could know the different types of apples, the biology behind it, even the nutritional value of it, but you'll never know how it tastes until you actually take a bite out of it. God tells us to "taste and see"! Taste the apple, and see it. Then you will really know it.

Psalm 34:8 (NIV)

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

There's a scary passage (the pastor claimed it was the scariest in the Bible) in Matthew.

Matthew 7:21-23
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

Do you understand the meaning of this? You can do everything right. Perhaps you're a pastor, serving God every day of your life. You might know the Bible inside out, and you give to charity, and you do good works. But when you get to Heaven, God looks at you and says, "Sorry, I don't know you." Say what? God doesn't literally not know who you are (he knows the number of hairs on your head!), but he might not personally know you. You can't ever get to Heaven by good works. But, you can by knowing God. Develop a relationship with Him. He'll be the best friend you'll ever have, and the perfect Father.

I'm paraphrasing some of the pastor's words, but he went on further to explain the linear relationship between assurance and love. When your confidence increases, so does your love for God. When your love for and from God escalates, so does your assurance in Him. God is love. If you want to know Him, you have to learn to love. Our subjective assurance comes from the historically objective love-God! The Word became flesh (Jesus), and now the tomb is empty. That's a historical reality-a fact. Now, the event that happened there is up for debate and is subjective, but Jesus' tomb is empty today. I believe that He raised from the dead! He raised from the dead and conquered sin. Jesus died for every one of us, and His love is the key to everything.

How do you know? How do you know that you know? This is not meant to be a trick question, this is a confronting question facing everyone at some point, and it roots from doubts. We all have them, but facing them can result in a stronger faith. The pastor came up with three bullet points:

-Have you trusted Christ?

-Have you confessed Christ through baptism?

-Are you abiding in community?

The first one, is of utmost importance. Believing in God isn't enough. Believing in the death and resurrection of Jesus isn't enough. You have to trust Him with your life! You have to truly know God. Now first, you have to know about Him, but then you have to personally have a relationship. Once you learn to trust Him, you can show the world your new-found love, and faith by being baptized. Baptism is in no way a substitute for salvation. Jesus' blood is the only thing that can remove your sin, being baptized is just a way of publicly displaying your trust in God. After that, don't dare live in solitude! You're not meant to live in Christ alone. God tells us to encourage each other and have fellowship with each other (that's what church is all about!). It's hard in this corrupt world, and we're all sinful. But having deeply committed Christians as friends will help you grow in your faith and relationship with God.

I hope everyone can know God. It's more fulfilling than anything, and it determines your eternity. Knowledge isn't enough, you can be sure that you know God. As the pastor today said, "Assurance is attainable."

-Apple picture taken by Bubbly :)

Wrong Way!

2010-02-04T07:15:00.009-06:00

The sad thing about life is, just when you think you've conquered it all, you get caught in pride and stumble on the concept of humility. So really, you can't ever know it all. Of course God knows all (far more than we can comprehend), but even the knowledge He has given us (the Bible), is infinite! It's a never-ending learning process, and you never graduate.

A few days ago, I was telling my mom of some of my friends, who tell dirty jokes, and don't live a holy life. I was so frustrated, that they just didn't get it! Don't they understand how perverted they're being? Don't they understand that God wrote the Bible, and that Christianity is more than just being a good person? Don't they get it, that you can't go to Heaven by works, and that Hell exists when we don't believe in God? They don't get it.

What I failed to realize, is my own judgmental attitude! It's God's place to judge, not mine. He alone holds the power of judgment and will completely take care of that on Judgment Day. I'm not perfect. I don't live a "holy life" either. Yes, I will go to Heaven when I die because I follow Christ, but I'm no better than they are in sin. Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." All doesn't signify some, it doesn't mean, only non-believers. No! All. Every human being on the face of the planet. And I'm certainly no exception.

My mom told me that pride and being judgmental is one of the worst sins. It's how Satan, the highest angel, fell! He thought he was better than God, and his pride caused his fall. Now, part of the reason I failed to realize my own pride, is because it wasn't as obvious as a cocky attitude. I am actually very insecure sometimes (I'm praying for God to give me more confidence). When I go to school, I don't feel popular, or pretty, or even smart. I feel like an outcast who doesn't fit in, and is shy to share her faith for fear of losing friends (I am bold in my faith, but don't share it like I should). That's not exactly pride, is it? But, it's all about your inner attitude. When I look down on nonbelievers for being ignorant, or "horrible people," I myself am committing sin, worse than theirs!

Humility is tricky. Once you think you're humble, you're not, because you think you are, which is prideful! Talk about a confusing statement.

Matthew 23:12 (NIV)

"For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself
will be exalted."

This is such an encouraging verse, for both sides. I am judgmental. I admit it! But, I'm glad that God promises to humble me. Perhaps one day I'll learn to be humble (but I won't actually realize it...). Then God will exalt me! Either way, God has it under control. Right now He's teaching me to not think of myself as better than anyone. Because I'm not! I get angry at my family sometimes. I'm not always 100% of the time nice. I don't do everything in love, as God says. And I certainly am not very humble.

~Thanks Father for reminding me of my sin. I needed an evaluation check. :) Please forgive me for my sins. I want to repent and turn to you! Humble me, Lord.

Romans 14:10 (NIV)

"You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your
brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat."

-Repentance picture from Google. I thought it accurately described how I feel. I was going the wrong way, and now God put a big "Wrong Way!" sign in front of me. Thanks again God! I needed that.
-If you're interested, see previous post on humility: David-a role model for humility

Failure

2010-01-31T15:24:00.009-06:00

On Monday I declared myself a failure at life. It might seem a little extreme for a girl with a 4.2 GPA, who's 1st chair second violin in orchestra, and (above all else) has Jesus for a personal Savior. I ignored these facts, and instead chose to focus on the negatives. Monday was just a terrible day! Everything seemed to be going wrong and I felt like a failure. I also chose to ignore what calling myself a failure does to God. He created me and gave me my talents! If I'm a failure, that's suggesting that He is too. But that's not what I mean at all! God is perfect. Last time I checked, perfect is the opposite of failure.

It started with the cheerio bars. I volunteered to make 150 peanut-butter cheerio bars for an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) fundraiser. I even sacrificed my Saturday morning! Unfortunately, my mother's amazing recipe is foreign to the average teenager. "What's a cheerio bar?" most people asked while glaring at the seemingly gross substance before them. I had to explain to them that it's just like a rice-krispee treat, but with peanut butter and cheerios. It really is better than a boring rice-krispee treat! If they would just try them, I'm sure we would have sold out in minutes. But, I was left selling cheerio bars all week. If that wasn't discouraging enough, the majority of people claimed they didn't have money with them! I felt like a hopeless mess.

The day progressively got worse. At lunch I asked a friend how the speech team did (since I had to work, and was making cheerio bars during the competition, luckily mine was pre-recorded). He said that 19 out of our 21 teams made it to state. This was exciting! But when I asked which ones did not make it, I was fortunate enough to hear that I belonged to the two losing teams. How wonderful! My math teacher asked if I felt better after lunch. If only he knew how much worse I felt! I told him I felt like a failure and he reassured me that I wasn't. But I still doubted that as I thought ahead to my orchestra auditions at night. If I didn't think negative thoughts about the past, or the present, you can be sure I thought negatively about the future! I know it's silly and pointless. But Satan was using my mind as a fortress for a low self-esteem. When I went home, I explained my horrible day to my dad, and he just criticized me! I ran to my room crying and thought that everyone thought I was as much of a failure as I felt.

Remember how I said that God is perfect? I found this neat verse in Hebrews:

Hebrews 2:10 (NIV)

"In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering."

I never thought I would see the phrase "perfect through suffering." Yet, here it is, plainly seen in the Bible! My failures turned into perseverance and built character. My suffering was made perfect through God's salvation. You want to know the end of the story and my horrible Monday? It worked out fine. In fact, my worst fear of not selling the cheerio bars and becoming stale were eliminated when I sold my last four bars Thursday morning. The speech team failure wasn't my fault, even though I told myself it was (Satan is the father of lies). My orchestra audition that I was afraid of failing, wasn't a complete failure. I got eighth chair, but the amazing thing is the audition excerpts they chose. It was the easiest part of the song! This was a gift from God and made my Monday better. My week as a whole was difficult, but I learned the value of perseverance.

James 1:2-4 (NIV)
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Even though I felt like a failure at life on Monday, I persevered and held on to the hope of Jesus, who is right by my side through every obstacle. It all works out according to His plan. I had planned to sell every cheerio bar Monday morning. This obviously wasn't God's plan, considering we sold them till Thursday. But if I had given up, then I wouldn't have accomplished anything. Trusting in God is difficult when you feel like a failure. But through every trial, I know that He is teaching me an important lesson. Last week's lesson: perseverance.

~God doesn't view me as a failure in life, and neither are you! God bless you all! <3 Jesus loves you. :)

-Failure picture: I found this cool saying about failure on Google. It keeps everything in perspective!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

2010-01-29T21:17:00.019-06:00

I'm a sucker for corny children's movies. Tonight, I watched a cartoon called "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," by Sony Pictures. I was reluctant to return to my favorite pastime, for fear of "growing out of it," but I realized that you can never grow out of being a kid. My favorite movie is Finding Nemo. Yes, the humor is corny. But I like it. Yes, the plot is predictable. But I'm okay with that. Yes, children's movies are simple and sometimes boring. But I don't think so!

Movies these days are inappropriate, violent, and immoral. At least, I think so. 99% of the Americans might disagree. They are desensitized. Some people (who I feel sorry for) don't even know the difference! Perhaps children growing up in this century are just used to the time period. Unfortunately, we live in a corrupt world. More so than even 50 years ago. This is scary! I am constantly horrified by each new perverted television show added to the list. To each swear word added to even children's movies. There's no escaping it. But I try to -my hiding place is in kid's movies. I lead a sheltered life, because I want to live a pure life. As the title of my blog suggests, I want to be "innocently yours" Lord.

John 15:18-19

"'If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.'"

Choosing to live for Christ is not the easiest route. It's the road less traveled. (But there are far more benefits than disadvantages!) It's difficult to be the only Christian in a crowd of my friends. The only one who believes the truth. I want nothing more than to let everyone I know of God's love, to be a light to them, and to truly live for Jesus! But that's a more easily stated goal than easily achieved. My friends and acquaintances (even perfect strangers) don't get it. I'm praying for God to open their eyes, because it's not easy to take the hugest leap of faith! I get ridiculed. I get made fun of. Not in a cruel way, but it's not exactly accepting. But then I realize that it shouldn't be! John 15:18-19 says the world will hate me, but only because I'm not part of it! That's why I choose to watch children's movies and isolate myself from corruption. It hated Jesus too. But He was perfect! Wow. How could we hate the only perfect man ever to walk the earth? At least that makes me feel better, I'm used to it. People aren't going to love and accept me for being a Christian. But that's life. I'm willing to endure hardships and persecution if it furthers God's kingdom by just one person. I hope the number is far greater! The Bible says that trials will only create perseverance.

Romans 5:3-4

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Although it was just a children's movie, I actually gained some things from watching "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." I caught on to some AP Language Arts and Composition skills (amazing, isn't it?), God revealed to me some spiritual ideas, and I had a good laugh on more than one occasion. I even enjoyed a corny cartoon romance, while relating it to my own experience, and discovered a conclusion. Is it even possible to think all of these things while watching a children's movie? For me it is. Possibly only me (what can I say? I'm a girl with a knack for talking, thinking, and analyzing).

Here is a brief synopsis of the movie according to fandango (I feel the need to pull out a paper bag puppet now):

"Inspired by Ron and Judi Barrett's beloved children's book of the same name, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs follows inventor Flint Lockwood and a brainy weathergirl as they attempt to discover why the rain in their small town has stopped, and food is falling in its place. Meanwhile, lifelong bully Brent relishes in tormenting Flint like he did when they were kids, and Mayor Shelbourne schemes to use Flint's latest invention -- a device designed to improve everyone's lives -- for his own personal gain." ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

I remember reading the book when I was little. It was a great book-the idea imaginative and creative. But the movie went above and beyond! I read some reviews on it, and most critics claimed it was far more sophisticated for the intended audience. I agree. Not all children's movies, or cartoons for that matter, are automatically childish and simple. In fact, I've seen quite a few that even my parents and grandparents have enjoyed! Perhaps you could have predicted the plot, but I couldn't. It surprised me at every turn (but, my family agrees that most movies do... so I might not be a reliable source).

Outside of the movie's intended, actual purpose, I discovered some spiritual related purposes. The entire moral of the story, was to never quit inventing, to love your family and to realize that everyone has a purpose in life. The introduction caught me off-guard, and sparked some AP Lang. thoughts. It began with something like this: "Have you ever thought that you were different? That you were the only one in the world who could do something great, but no one else saw it? That's me." This was an effective introduction, and the music applied as well. I love it when a movie is good, but when the music is phenomenal as well, I'm in 7th heaven! Anyway, it ended the movie with the main character, who originally lacked appreciation from his father, hugs his dad when he tells him he loves him. This is, of course, seconds after he saved the entire world from hurricanes, tornadoes, and showers of giant hot dogs, meatballs, and any other food imaginable, from conquering everything. Okay, it sounds corny, but just watch the movie! It really is much better.

Anyway, back to the spiritual purpose. I found multiple references that I felt God was revealing to me. One of the characters, who developed as a dumb-jock bully in the main character, Flint's elementary school. He was the "popular" guy, with all the girls, in the town. Once Flint, the mad scientist, crazy inventor, who I actually found nice and funny, with a unique personality, becomes famous, Brent (the dumb-jock) is left with nothing. He screams, "I don't know what my purpose in life is anymore? Who am I?" When Flint is left to use his flying car to venture into the giant meatball-that is, his invention-that creates the food, and save the world, Brent agrees to come. I thought, why are they letting him come, how can he be useful? Since it's a movie, I did predict that he was going to become valuable. But I was clueless as to how. It turns out (which, by the way is entirely unpredictable, unless you possess the brain of sci-fci geek, no offense to all you guys, I'm actually kind of one myself... Star Wars and the Matrix-amazing!), the team encounters a gang of giant, headless, cooked chickens, who attempt to attach them! Brent gets eaten by one, and then... to my surprise, he becomes it! Yes, it's weird, but it was actually hilarious in the context of the movie. I literally laughed out loud (isn't "lol" far too clique anyway?). He became their hero by warding off the angry mob of chickens and saving the day.

Far too often, we overestimate God's plan for even the simplest things or people. But even the most, seemingly, hopeless cases, He can use. Actually, throughout the entire film, I found evidence of cases that worked out perfectly. I know a movie isn't reality, but it was interesting to see how everything worked together. Just like real-life, God makes everything work out according to His plan. It may not appear so, but I am confident that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

I have to admit, although I thought about some deep, philosophical ideas during this movie, I laughed about every 15 minutes. It was just hilarious! I enjoy a good laugh, and I think I don't laugh enough! I read this morning in my Bible in Psalm 126:2, "Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, 'The LORD has done great things for them.'" I know that God enjoys humor. He made our bodies to be able to laugh, so I think it serves a purpose, just like everything in creation! One of the humorous parts is where Flint lost his USB drive that was supposed to save the world, and is depending on his technologically inadequate father to go into his lab and e-mail it to him. Actually, the world was depending on this. It reminded me of my mother and grandparents, trying to become caught up with the world. My grandma probably fit the description of Flint's dad best. He didn't understand how to "move a file" with the mouse, let alone find the ever-important "send" button, which he discovered shortly after a pile of food crushed his house. With a dramatic scene of coming out of the pyramid of food, he saved the world by pressing send. I couldn't help but burst into laughter. Someday, older generations might get the hang of technology (at least, I sure hope so...).

One of my favorite, and personal parts of the movie is the relationship between Flint, and his new crush, an intelligent weather woman, who happens to share his love for jello (sorry, just a funny side note). Anyway, I think the connection is adorable, and it makes me dream of my future "nerd," as I like to call him. I'm years away from marriage (or dating again, for that matter...), but I like the idea of having a husband, and someone to spend the rest of my life with! (I'm pretty sure girls think about this way more than guys! Which is why we're suckers for romances. <3) You can call me crazy, like my brother, but I consider myself a nerd. I'm even wearing glasses this moment! I don't wear makeup, and care more about homework than about my social life. Learning is fun, and I don't mind being recognized for my intelligence. I'm in no way "normal." But who wants to be normal? Someday, I'll meet a book-worm, different guy wearing glasses. I know that God has in store for me, an attractive, intelligent, Christ following, sweet, "nerd," with common interests, and who loves me for me! :)

-First movie picture , Book picture, Movie synopsis, Send button picture , Couple picture (from the movie!)

Life

2010-01-25T07:35:00.017-06:00

Are you living? You may think it's a simple question and answer: "Yes, I do believe I am breathing and my heart is beating." I think there's more complexity lying beneath, though. This morning I finished reading Psalm 119-the longest psalm in the Bible, comprised of 176 verses. It's now one of my favorite psalms. Throughout it, the word "life" is mentioned twelve times. You probably think it's not significant, but every time it's used in the same way.

25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.

37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according
to your word.

40 How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

88 Preserve my life according to your love, and I will obey the statutes of your mouth.

93 I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.

107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.

109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.

149
Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your laws.

154 Defend my cause and redeem me; preserve my life according to your
promise.

156 Your compassion is great, O LORD; preserve my life according to your laws.

159 See how I love your precepts; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your love.

I don't think God had short-term memory loss. If it's worth mentioning twice it's probably important. But twelve times in the same chapter? Most of the verses included "preserve my life." What does this mean? I don't think it should be understood completely literal, although that might be what it was originally supposed to signify. Christians can use this differently. God saves us everyday. Although we initially received salvation from Jesus' blood, God gives us life everyday also! He also preserves our life from unholy things that could shorten our life. If we just follow Him, we'll be safer all-around. And, we'll experience life to the fullest! John 10:10 is one of my favorite verses. It's God's promise for us.

John 10:10 (NIV)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Not only does our heavenly Father promise us life (which is a precious gift), but He gives us life to the full! God didn't intend us to treat life as this serious, negative, horrible place. We should treat every second He gives us as a gift, and be joyful! No where in the Bible does it say "don't have fun." I often overlook this detail and treat life as this serious thing. Yes, some seriousness is healthy, but we weren't created just to work. Some people think being a Christian means being a "goody-two-shoes" who follows a list of rules and can't do anything fun. Now, my idea of fun might differ from a non-believer involved in the things of this world, but I know that wholesome, God-intended "fun" is better than any noddy, dirty, perverted "fun" of the world. I experience way more joy by knowing Jesus loves me and reading His word! Telling dirty jokes, drinking, doing drugs, having sex, and everything the world considers "a good time" leave you empty. It's only temporary. But God's joy lasts for eternity.

Life isn't meant to be boring or depressing. God brings life! Embrace His perfect gift, and experience His joy! :) You might have thought you were living, but are you really?

-Life picture found on Google. I thought it accurately displayed a full life, just like my Father promises. Thank you Lord for giving me life!

Red, White, and Blue is not True Freedom

2010-01-23T22:39:00.020-06:00

What's the one thing everyone wants in life? Is it love? That's what I thought at first. But love is more like the remedy to our problem. Freedom, however, is what we ultimately yearn for. When I turned sixteen, I screamed to all of my friends and family, "I finally have freedom!" Did I really? Sure, I could drive practically anywhere without my parents, but I did not experience true freedom. I live in America. The United States is known for freedom! It expresses it through its Constitution and laws, but is that true freedom? Unfortunately, even our democracy reveals corrupt schemes and selfish acts. Red, white, and blue doesn't symbolize true freedom. What does?

To evaluate true freedom, you must first discover truth. When polled on the streets in New York City, I bet only one out of a hundred people could give you a clear, concise definition of truth. And only one out of a thousand could give you the correct answer. Truth is not "the opposite of false." It's not anything "factual or scientifically proven. No, you will not find truth in our culture. Or at least not in most things. Truth is God. Truth is Jesus. Truth is the Bible and everything in it. True freedom only comes from God. He created us with an inner desire for freedom, and He is the only one that can fill the emptiness.

I found this song when I was looking for new songs to buy on itunes. It's perfect for everything I've been thinking about and going through. The book I'm reading now (thanks to my friend!) is called "Breaking Free," a devotional about true freedom. Ironically, the only way to attain freedom is to follow God's commands and live for Him. That seems like the opposite of freedom, right? But obedience does bring freedom. The first part in the Freedom song by Run Kid Run says "I have selfishness to blame." How true is that? We are so selfish as humans. Everything we do from day to day is consumed by our wants and needs. This sin takes us captive. Without realizing it, we become a slave to ourselves. Only Jesus can break the chains and set us free. If we choose to become a Christ follower, He can bring us initial freedom. Notice I said initial. What I didn't know (I learned from the book by Beth Moore "Breaking Free"), is that even if you're a Christian and are saved, you can still be in bondage. Here's one of the devotions:

" 'We did not follow cleverly contrived myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.' 2 Peter 1:16

In the days before I began to enjoy the fullness of Christ, I somehow knew God's Word was true and that the problem rested with me. But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I served Him. I even had a love for Him, however immature. But I still fought an emptiness that kept me looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places.

Never once in my youth did I hear the clear teaching about the Spirit-filled life. Perhaps this is the reason I refuse to shut up about it now. Either Jesus Christ can satisfy us and meet our deepest needs, or God's Word is deceptive."

I felt convinced Beth Moore was talking directly and specifically to me! Here I am, this church-going born-again Christian who reads her Bible daily and constantly tries to witness to her friends, yet I was still in a form of bondage! I thought a boyfriend would make my life complete. I thought clothes could satisfy me. I thought success through school and good grades could bring me happiness. No. I was looking in the wrong places. I knew God could satisfy me, but I wanted immediate wants. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Do you know how selfish that is? When I look at my life and all of the activities I spend on myself, I feel a wave of guilt splash into my stomach. Is that God's will? Will good grades and a closet full of in-style clothes last for eternity? Wow. Tough questions.

One of my friends has been bugging me (and when I say bugging I mean constantly, probably seven times, confronting me) about my schedule. I seriously have a schedule problem. The root is that I'm an overachiever, analytical, perfectionist who always tries to live up to everyone's expectations. Little did I realize, it's impossible! Do you know how ridiculous it is to make everyone like you? It's ludicrous to win approval from sinful humans, especially when you're living up to your neck in sin also! We can't do it. Only God can bring freedom. Freedom from everything. No matter what you're going through, let Him take control. How? I was thinking the same thing.

" 'You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting You.' Isaiah 26:3

Freedom from strongholds is serious business. In-depth study and deliberate application of truth are not just helpful but are absolute necessities for those who choose liberty. We win freedom on the battlefield of the mind.

Notice in Isaiah 26:3 the inclusion of trust in the life of the one who possesses a steadfast mind. Only a trusting heart will approach God honestly with the secret struggles of the mind.

When we offer a trusting heart and an honest, open mind to God, we can be sure renewal is on its way."

I wrote a blog essay a while ago about trust. It's one of the most complicated, challenging, yet crucial concept to apply to your life (sorry for all the "c"s, I like alliterations. ;). With trust comes freedom. If you trust in something other than yourself, you're giving away that sinful selfishness every human has. You're letting go and handing the wheel over to God. This is hard for us! "It's our way or the highway!" right? Not exactly. That doesn't line up with God's will or His plan.

Psalm 119:36 (NIV)

"Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain."

In my daily Bible reading, I came across this verse today. I highlighted it in my Bible and pondered the meaning for a while. True wisdom comes from knowledge and application. How could I possibly apply this to my life? It starts with realizing that the world doesn't revolve around me. It's starts with escaping my busy schedule and my obligations and focusing on God's, which involves the lives of other people. My family, my friends, the poor and needy, even complete strangers on the street or that I encounter at work. Last night, I overheard a fellow employee commenting on one the the girls she checked out, who goes to her school. She said, "She is the nicest person I have ever met." Then she turned to me, with a smile on her face, and asked, "You know those people that are just nice to everyone? She is just the nicest person." Her smile should have been contagious. Instead, it brought jealousy, and guilt. I looked straight at myself and thought, "Why aren't I like that? Why don't people say that about me?" What's worse, is that I don't even know if that girl was a Christian. I don't even know if she has true freedom from sin or selfish desires. Some nonbelievers are nicer than followers of Christ. This should not be! I feel guilty myself when I think about it. Sure, I've had plenty of people comment on how "nice" I am. But am I nice to everyone 24/7? Far from it. My family annoys me, my friends make me jealous, and I judge perfect strangers based on appearance.

I just pray for Mighty God to let me be a bright light for the world, all the time. I just pray that the Prince of Peace may live in my life and bring freedom. That the Wonderful Counselor will give me advice on my hectic schedule. That the Everlasting Father will wrap me in His arms with His unfailing love. Thank you Jesus for FREEDOM!!!!!!! Not just when I received your grace and salvation the moment I believed. But everyday of my life. Lord, you save me everyday. That's true freedom.

Isaiah 9:6 "And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"

~I love my Jesus. Forever. <3

-American flag picture, sunset picture found on Google
-Quotes from "Breaking Free Day by Day" by Beth Moore
-If you're interested, see previous post also on freedom: Freedom!

Grounded

2010-01-22T21:32:00.018-06:00

Last night I had an epiphany. I grounded myself. Not just from one thing, but from three! Call it absurd, but I was genuinely angry at myself. For the first time in a century, I didn't have homework. Given, I had other extracurricular activities, but after six I was free! While I debated about not procrastinating on homework due later, I went with my lazy impulse and did absolutely nothing. It's amazing how much time you can spend on facebook. Almost scary. I feel so guilty how I don't have the discipline to not procrastinate or to go to bed early. I'm strange in the first place when it comes to sleep. My "bedtime" is eight o'clock sharp. Don't believe I follow it. That would really be strange with my busy schedule. It's simply my bedtime that gets me the appropriate amount of sleep so I can function properly. If I stray too far from it, I am unable to do even the most ordinary day-to-day operations.

For example, today at work, a customer wanted to purchase salt. I was so used to calling for sales assistance to check out cigarettes or beer, that I just assumed he asked for a pack of cigarettes. It was busy at the time, and I had to wait for an employee older than twenty-one to get him his "imaginary"' pack. He patiently waited for five minutes before I realized he only wanted salt. The employee over twenty-one that helped me stared at me incredulously as if to say, "Did you really think you had to be 21 to ring up salt?" My incompetence didn't end there. I proceeded to ring up one package of suresoft pellet salt, only to realize later that he asked for two bags. I felt like an idiot! The customer's tone of voice didn't exactly suggest gratitude as I shyly said, "Have a good night." No. His happy "hello" turned into an angry sigh. Just one sigh was enough to almost make me cry. I shouldn't be so sensitive. Especially when I'm never going to see him again, and probably won't stay long in his memory bank. Still. I hate it when people disapprove of me or something I did. It's not like I'm normally an extremely slow cashier who never listens. I was just tired and out of it. Isn't anyone allowed to get an off day once in a while?

Let's back up to the root of the problem (not like any safety precautions will completely eradicate the ability to have off days). Last night, as I was saying, I didn't have homework. This, would automatically give me the opportunity to actually go to bed at eight (my dream for every night). I could have finished some of my homework. I could have read some of my free-read books. I could have even memorized some verses or read my Bible. Instead, I fell victim to the internet. Of all the things to hold me captive, I fell into the hands of technology. Like a controlling robot, the internet can keep you isolated from civilization for hours. I recently saw something on the news about internet addictions and how they're becoming serious problems in other countries where children don't even know how to socialize. This is sad. It even seems crazy at first glance. But the internet is like any other "idol." It gets control of your life by it's appealing "entertainment" but it only satisfies temporarily. Any form of media contains a lot of power. It has the power to consume your time, negatively influence you, and can become an idol that replaces God, the only one you should be worshiping.

Colossians 3:5 (NIV)

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry."

I went to bed at 10 last night, but that's late for me and I couldn't get to sleep because I was thinking and feeling guilty about staying up late doing nothing in the first place! I had no choice but to come to the conclusion to ground myself from both procrastinating and staying up late when I have a choice. With this, I decided not to spend more than ten minutes daily on facebook and not more than ten minutes for e-mail and other web-surfing. I'm just so sick. Not physically, although I could get there soon by the way I'm going. Just sick from guilt. Sick from being lazy and irresponsible. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but I think I need some evaluations on my life.

Another thing I grounded myself from is eating dessert. I'm not going on a diet, and I'm certainly not fat, but I eat too many sweets. What can I say? I've got a sweet tooth! Ever since I was a little girl, I've studied nutrition labels and have wanted to become a nutritionist, but that doesn't mean I'm perfect in the area of health. It's easy to grab a piece of candy after every meal, or sneak a few scoops of ice cream into my diet. But only in moderation. Eating past the point when you're full is not healthy! And consuming as many sweets as healthy veggies and protein is not the best approach unless you're planning on getting type 2 diabetes. The Bible says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Do you know how sacred a temple is? Eating healthy, exercising, and taking care of your body is honoring God, believe it or not.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

The last thing I grounded myself from is spending money on clothes. I am a shopaholic. Not to the extreme of some people (I am debt-free), but it is a concern. My closet is a huge walk-in-closet every girl dreams of. Yet, it's stuffed full of clothes. So much that I have an overflow stuffed into my gigantic armoire. Yes, I have a problem indeed. I looked over my finances on Exel for the past year. 80% of my money went toward clothes. This is absolutely ridiculous! I feel sick to my stomach when I see my full closet and then think about children who only have one outfit. What's worse, is I keep thinking clothes will make me happy. Like I can thrive off of people's compliments or the fact that I am well-dressed. Ha! Well-dressed. What does that even mean? Does it mean people will treat you with more respect if you're "well-dressed." Will people become your friends merely based on your attire? Artificial friends might. Not genuine friends who care about the inside. And certainly, most definitely not God. He doesn't even see one of your "trendy" outfits. He doesn't care if you have American Eagle jeans or an Aeropostale sweatshirt. It doesn't make the slightest difference if you own 37 t-shirts or one. No, God cares about the heart and nothing more.

1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

"But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

I think I might have disobeyed my grounding rules already. It's definitely passed eight o'clock (it's 10:23 pm!). But, I felt the need to state my thoughts before I forgot. Goodnight! :) May God teach you to evaluate your heart. Are you living for Him every step of the way? Whether it be worshiping an idol (anything other than God that takes the place of Him), or not taking care of your body, or even spending too much money on material objects, God can help you get back on track. No matter how many times you've messed up (like me at my work), God will forgive you time and time again. Just come with a heart full of repentance. Jesus' blood and the Lord's mercy will do the rest. <><

-Grounded tree picture describes another aspect or meaning of the word grounded, which applies to my message as well. My grounding can also be described as being grounded in God, who is love! Isn't that cool? It has too meanings. The whole point of grounding in the first place is to teach you a lesson. It's only for discipline and love. I'm so glad I can be grounded in God's love, which is unfailing! <3

-www. picture found on Google

-Dessert picture looks enticing. It's so just so delicious I can practically taste it right now! Maybe I shouldn't have put a picture of the very thing I'm trying to restrain from. But, I can at least look at the beauty can't I?

-Clothes picture is just fun. I love clothes! But, love is a strong word. And my love for clothes, or for anything on earth is nothing compared to God. Being trendy and in style while buying clothes that fit your personality is fun. I enjoy trying new styles and expressing my individuality through clothing. But, not when it gets excessive. I'm learning to buy in moderation and not become obsessed with life's temporary pleasures.

Prayer-The Most Important Phone Call

2010-01-18T07:40:00.020-06:00

About a month ago, I set an alarm for 7:07 pm. The reason, you might ask (like so many of my friends and family), is for something simple, yet important. Most people say their daily prayers at night, before they go to bed. Me... I have the best intentions, believe me. But, I struggle following through. "Prayer" is mentioned 365 times in the New International Version of the Bible. I don't believe it's a coincidence that there are 365 days in the year. Perhaps, this is suggesting the importance of prayer, and that we must be reminded of it every day of the year-all 365.

Prayer is a hard concept to understand. Especially, if you haven't grown up in the church, or haven't had much experience with it. I mean, it's a little different than a phone call with your best friend. After all, you're talking with an invisible God, who happened to create the universe! It doesn't seem as easy as, "Hey, how did you do on that biology test yesterday?" Umm... God created the universe! He knows every detail about our "knowledge" on this earth, and far more than we can imagine. Is it a little intimidating talking to someone with that kind of power? Yeah. I'd say so. Sometimes, we relate God to a "best friend," but consequently overlook Him. I like to call Jesus my best friend, but He's way more than that. A best friend isn't anything compared to what He deserves. We're talking about the Lord of everything, here. Not just an ordinary human being. But, that's the power of prayer. We are barely a molecule on earth, which is a speck in the galaxy, another dot in the universe! Looking at it this way, you can be humbled pretty fast. We're nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing compared to God-the omniscient (all-knowing), omnipresent (He's everywhere), omnipotent (all-powerful) God. Prayer makes a molecule known to the King. It takes a sinful, guilty human being, and allows for communication, and a relationship, with Jesus.

Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Prayer relieves worry. Communicating with the all-time Creator of the universe always calms my troubles. If God created the complexity of humanity, do you think He has your life under control?

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Pray continually. This doesn't mean once a year, not once a week, not even once a day. It means, always be in prayer. In everything you do, ask God if it's for His glory. Thank Him for His great deeds. Remember Him when you get a glimpse of nature and see the vibrant colors of the sunset.

James 5:16 (NIV)

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Pray for each other. How encouraging is it to simply know that a friend is praying for you. How much more encouraging to know that they're praying to the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. God can do anything. Don't underestimate His power-or the power of prayer.

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV)

"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Prayer prevents temptation. Satan will do anything He can to stop you from praying. A busy life could cause you to talk hours on the phone with a friend, yet not even a second with God. Is that right? Time is a gift from God. Use it wisely. Prayer can prevent all sorts of bad things from occurring. Even fifteen minutes with your heavenly Father is better than nothing.

Romans 8:26 (NIV)

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Prayer isn't easy, but the Holy Spirit will guide you. I'll be the first to admit, I don't know the "perfect" way to pray. "The Lord's Prayer" in Matthew 6 gives an example, but too many people merely recite its words, and don't use their creativity to invent their own requests or don't know how. There is no perfect prayer. Just pray from your heart and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. God knows your concerns, but prayer benefits you. After all, communication is a two way highway. The most crucial part is listening! God won't come right out and speak to you. But He will reveal Himself to you in other ways. Just ask Him to.

Matthew 21:22 (NIV)

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

I recently purchased a new CD from Group 1 Crew. Their song "Our Time" clearly presents the message of prayer. It explains how "Our Time"-the time between God and me, is so crucial!

-Prayer picture from Google

"Facing Environmental Fears"

2010-01-17T15:37:00.014-06:00

Today's sermon was on global warming. It seems like an odd topic to discuss in church, but it had a biblical message. Currently, I'm taking an AP Environmental Science class (ironically, the teacher goes to my church and was in the service today). I think it's fascinating to learn about real life issues and the dilemmas facing our generation. When I was eight years old, I hosted an endangered species birthday party. Let's just say I was a concerned third grader. My favorite animal was the tiger, which is endangered. I love it that God created animals, and I think it's horrible how we are killing off species just because of their fur or just for the sake of it sport. However, there is a fine line between loving animals and loving animals more than than humans.

My pastor began by briefly explaining some environmentalists views.

-"We are killing our planet."
-"We have to do whatever it takes to save it."
-"Even if people have to suffer."

Now, I think these views are slightly extreme, but some people do feel this way. They are so caught up in saving animal species and the environment, that they overlook human's needs. What would happen if, instead of being concerned about saving endangered species, we spent time saving people's lives? Don't you think we, as humans, who God put in charge of the earth, should worry about ourselves before an insects? I'm not completely against environmentalism or endangered species (I had a birthday party in honor of them, remember?). But, we should first be concerned about humans.

According to the Bible, the earth is passing away. Say what? Well, basically, there isn't anything we can do to stop the inevitable future. If you've read Revelations, you know that God after Judgment Day, He will destroy our world, and create a completely new creation! As for right now, it is slowly dying.

1 Corinthians 7:31 (NIV)

"those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away."

That may seem depressing, but it's the truth! And, it's all part of God's plan.

2 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

"By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men."

Just like He has a plan for each and everyone of us, God has a perfect plan for the earth. And plus, He values people way more than any endangered species or animal.

Luke 12:7 (NIV)

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

This is one of my favorite verses! Can you imagine God knowing the precise number of hairs on your head? What about knowing the number of hairs on all 6 or 7 billion people's heads? That's definitely too much math for me. You see, God cares about humans (His most perfect creation), way more than animals. He created us in His image!

The final words of my pastor were to enjoy the earth, but not forget to help others. We should be concerned about our neighbor and the millions of people we can impact by giving. Last week, a 7.0 earthquake struck the already poor country of Haiti. This is devastating! Think of 50,000 people who lost their lives and the rest who are hurting and hopeless. Stop crying about excessive logging or poachers and do something for people's sakes!

You must also consider future generations.

Proverbs 13:22 (NIV)

"A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children,
but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous."

It's selfish to think about the "now." The truth is, we are using too many resources. But, that doesn't mean we should just stand there. Think about your children. Your "children's children." It's not fair to act recklessly and deplete all the resources so your grandchildren don't have any. There's nothing wrong (in fact, it's wonderful) to recycle and conserve energy. After all, we in America consume the vast majority of the earth's resources. That certainly isn't keeping others in mind, as Jesus would. So pile up your recycling bins and take shorter showers, because God wants us to take care of the earth. It's His gift to us. I know I enjoy the biodiversity and aesthetic pleasure of nature! Thank you Lord for your gorgeous creation. Help us to not forget others. I pray for the victims of Haiti. That they may feel your touch and know you are with them. Help us to give to them and support their needs. Amen.

Psalm 19:1-2 (NIV)
"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge."

-Earth picture from Google. I love the song that says God's got the world in His hands. Because He does. No matter what we go through, it's all in His hands. And part of His plan! :)

-Blog post based off of my pastor's sermon today "Facing Environmental Fears."

Ecclesiastes

2010-01-16T20:58:00.029-06:00

I just finished reading Ecclesiastes. Last year I read it with one of my good Christian friends from FCA for our accountability partner time (where we talk, read the Bible, and encourage one another in our walk with God). It's funny how a passage or book can speak to you completely different each time your read it. Actually, it's cool! I love how the Word works. First of all, it is God, secondly, He designed it to be full of encouragement, the exact second you read it. There are no coincidences. Amazing. I'm simply stunned by His plan. I LOVE God and the Bible!

At first glance, the author of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon, appears to be extremely depressed or suicidal! His first words are: "Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless" (Ecclesiastes 1:2). This is coming from a man who had everything. He was the wisest, richest, most famous king in the world! Yet, his conclusion is that it's all meaningless. Confusing? At first, but the chapter unfolds itself and explains his reasoning, which is not as depressing as it sounds.

The entire book is composed of Solomon's observations on life. He sees that people work, day after day, for ultimately nothing. Even if you possess great wealth and wisdom, like him, the same fate awaits everyone: death. This is depressing. No one wants to die or know that their work here on Earth will eventually end. The only option is for us to enjoy the time we have, then. But, even a life with "enjoyment" is not as fulfilling as a life filled with God. The last two verses reveal the true meaning of life.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

"Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil."

This was comforting. To know that, even though the idea of a temporary life filled with work, is depressing, God gives us hope. If you live respecting God and His commandments, you will be blessed. I know that Jesus gives me an indescribable joy and peace. It's like nothing of this world. Not even money or wisdom can give you that.

Now I, being a curious and avid learner, decided to do some research on the word "Ecclesiastes." The first "definition" I found was from dictionary.com, and was a "cultural definition."

Cultural Dictionary

Ecclesiastes [(i-klee-zee-as-teez)]

A book in the Old Testament containing the reflections of a philosopher known as “the Preacher.” “Vanity of vanity saith the Preacher, &ellipsis; all is vanity,” where the word “vanity” indicates that striving is in vain, because death comes to all, and “there is no new thing under the sun.” He believes that our character and achievements do not affect our fate. “The race is not to the swift nor to the strong.” He concludes that one should enjoy the good things found in life until death brings oblivion. The argument and tone of this book are very unlike those of the other books of the Bible. (See nothing new under the sun, A time to be born and a time to die, and Vanity of vanities; all is vanity.)

The second definition I found was from Wikipedia, and had the word "disambiguation" in parentheses. Since my vocabulary is limited, I looked up the word. Of course, dictionary.com left me with this vague answer: "to remove the ambiguity from; make unambiguous." Thank you for clearing that up! As if I couldn't use my elementary education to decipher "disambiguation" as removing ambiguity. Anyway, I then proceeded to look up the word "ambiguous." I thought I knew the meaning, based on context clues from reading, but I wanted a precise definition, which turned out to have multiple meanings. The most appropriate one being this: "of doubtful or uncertain nature; difficult to comprehend." Perfect! So my rough conclusion of the meaning of "Ecclesiastes," or "disambiguation," is the act of trying to solve mysteries. Solomon, in this case, was attempting to answer the most ambiguous question: "What is the meaning of life?" He accomplished this very well, considering it lines up with God's purpose for us (if it didn't, I would question the Bible's validity, but I believe the Bible is true, and written by supernatural means of God speaking through people, certainly not your average book!).

I am so glad that life is not meaningless or depressing, as it appears. No. There is a much deeper and larger purpose to it. Something that would be impossible without the Creator of it all. Thank you Jesus for giving us hope! Give the glory to God, because He brings joy to life.

Ecclesiastes 12:1
"Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
'I find no pleasure in them'-"

-Ecclesiastes sign picture found on Google

-Dictionary.com cultural definition

-Orange flower picture taken by Bubbly :) It captures God's beauty perfectly. I'm so grateful I can enjoy His creation.