The Result of my Over-analytical Self and Lack of Observation

It was September 9, 2009. I was in awe of the date alone and it produced a sense of mysteriousness: 09/09/09. However, I was unaware of the event that was about to take place. Something that would most likely occur eventually, but I was surprised nonetheless. I wasn't supposed to be there, I thought to myself. What if I had simply stayed home? What if I had been there one minute later or less? What if. What if. What if...

These thoughts are mere justifications for my wrongdoing. I have come to the conclusion that it was completely my fault and I should not produce excuses. The "crime", as idiotic as it sounds: crashing my car into a pole. I felt like anyone else in this situation, like the hugest idiot in the entire world! How could anyone do this, you might ask? Let's just say it was a combination of my over-analytical self and lack of observation.

It was about 10 minutes after 6 o'clock and I was pulling out of my work parking lot (a grocery store). It is true, as they say, that the majority of car accidents take place in parking lots. Perhaps it is a sense of, "why do I need to go slow in parking lots?" or the fact that people never notice cars in the way of their direction. Honestly, I feel ashamed mine was neither of these, but instead hitting a stationery object.

As I drove out, I was listening to the radio, with my windows down, singing along to the song "Only a Prayer Away." How ironic! The fact I could see, in clear view, the exit to the parking lot and the road I take everyday probably turned off a sense of "alertness." They also say that the majority of accidents occur within a few miles of your house. I live about 7 minutes away, so certainly not far.

There was a random (not really, considering there are plenty of other people every day walking in the parking lot) guy walking into the grocery store. I, being my over-analytical self, took notice of this man. He must of been in his 40's or 50's, not exactly attractive (though my friends disagree). The only reason I looked at him for longer than two seconds, was the look he was giving back to me. It was a strange, annoyed look that seemed to scream "stupid teenager." Again, being analytical I decided that he was giving me this look because he thought that I was going to hit him. To be honest, I was probably five or ten feet away from him. The chances of me hitting him were most likely like 1 out of a million because he was walking away from me and I was going far too slow. Either way, I cared about what he thought of me and wanted to prove him wrong-that I was not some "stupid teenager." I turned slightly to the left only to crash directly, head on, into the light post.

Like is true of anything, you never really know until you have experienced it yourself. Suddenly, a feeling of total shock entered my body and I had never felt anything like it before. The first thought that came to my head was, "what did I just do?" The second, "I wish I could go back in time." The third, "I don't want to look at the damage." It is truly amazing what can happen in literally two seconds. If I could only go two seconds back in time, I could save so much, I thought. After every stupid mistake, humans yearn to undo their wrong and cover up their fault. Once I gathered enough courage and gained my "consciousness," I slowly opened my door and took a glance at my result. It was almost too much to handle. Recollecting my thoughts, I was thankful the air bag didn't go off and I was still in one piece. It could have been much worse. It is hard to explain the feeling of being completely smashed into another object while in a car. I am sure many have experienced this. This was a new feeling for me. It was almost as if I was aware of what I was doing, but knew I couldn't stop it. That is a horrible feeling! I knew exactly what was happening, yet couldn't prevent it once I initially hit the pole. My car just kept on rolling. As they always say, "I never thought this would happen to me." I frowned upon seeing teenagers pulled over for speeding or small fender benders, thinking, "well they're just careless and reckless." Then I end up ramming into a pole. Luckily it was not another car, an animal, or a pedestrian. The pole was not harmed. No, it was a sturdy pole that, as my brother says, "jumped out of nowhere in front of me." That's what makes it worse, though. That it was not the pole's fault. It was all me. A result of my lack of observation and over analytical-self. My driver's education teacher always said we would be fine if we only had "common sense and good judgment." Apparently, I had neither. The good thing about mistakes is that we can learn from them. I have certainly learned a valuable lesson.

If I had kept my typical route and continued driving straight, ignoring the seemingly rude look of a perfect stranger, nothing would have happened at all. I would have saved my car from a flat tire, broken headlight, and huge dent. I would have prevented myself from a night of complete embarrassment and a week of further worries about the event. The only thing I gained, was a story to tell.

-To my loving Father, the God of second chances. He watches over me and protects me from harm. My Lord knows every part of me and loves me despite my over-analytical self and lack of observation. He made me just the way I am for a purpose. I am created in His image, unique as can be. This event, as tragic as it was, was all part of God's perfect plan. <><

~Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

~Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"