It may have seem like I have been avoiding writing on my blog for the past few weeks. In all honesty, I really did want to write some days, but since it was not required, I felt it was a wasted attempt at relaxing when I had a week off from school and a few weeks off of blogging, only to discover that I would use the majority of my time working for hours on end on my AP Language and Composition portfolio. Okay, so that seemed like a run-on sentence of whining, but it was intended to be a concise explanation for the time lag between blogs. That is, if anyone even reads my blog (besides my teacher)! A total of 5 comments seems wimpy, but I know that some people read without commenting. I just hope that at least one person in the entire universe benefits, in some way or another, from my effort of blogging.
With that settled, I am very sorry to say this again, but I am sick. It certainly seems humanly impossible that I could get sick so often (like 6 times this year!), but I believe it is a consequence of my over-scheduling, over-committing, over-analytical self (did I mention I'm also a perfectionist?) that results in stress. Dare I say it, the word stress is something I wish was a foreign word. If only I could travel back in time, to my childhood days for fifth grade when stress was absent from my vocabulary. If only I could learn to relax or acquired a care-free personality from birth. But, no. Sadly, since the first day of middle school as an 11-year old sixth grader, I had to learn the tragedies of stress early on. Ever since, I have never been able to cope with it.
After a continuing busy Thanksgiving break, I was slightly disappointed I couldn't have used the time to do just what I needed: a break. All I wanted was some time to relax and stay at home, doing nothing more than watching movies and eating popcorn. Unfortunately, as if my life isn't crazy enough, I was busy every day of my break as well. Starting Saturday morning, I woke up at 5:30 am to go to a Bible Quizzing meet. Sunday, my family began our vacation to Olivet Nazarene University, where I went on a college visit. Though I enjoyed the trip filled with taking unique pictures, listening to my brother's ipod, and sleeping in the car, it was still exhausting. I'm still confused about the future: which college to go to, what to do with the rest of my life (career)... etc. I shouldn't create stress out of a problem two years from now, but it still bothers me. The moment I got back from the trip, I had nothing but work and cleaning to do (okay, so I got together with some friends, but the majority of the time I was working). Before I could blink, it was Monday morning and back to the typical hectic school. I was far too tired and not prepared for the stress. Then, here I am, sitting at home, sick on Wednesday.
Again, I received a giant smack in the face. So much of my life revolves around my schedule. Just look at my schedule tomorrow and you'll get an idea. Thursday: speech team meeting (TV News) 3-4, leave early from speech team to change into work uniform and get to work five till 4, work 4-8, rush downtown still in work uniform to violin lesson 8:15-9, somehow manage to finish my homework before I get too tired to function. It almost makes me want to scream! How did my life get so crazy and stressful, and what's the solution? I cannot keep on getting sick. It certainly just adds to the stress. Missing school stinks. Some students disagree, but since I'm a perfectionist, above 4.0 GPA, every second counts. I truly do love to learn. But when learning turns into stress, that's when I explode. If only there could be a balance, some way to enjoy school minus the stress.
Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." This verse is found in the "Do not worry" section of Matthew chapter 6. It explains how it is futile to worry about the things of life when God has everything under control. I think it's funny how we tend to focus on things other than God to get our problems straight, when He's the One we need to go to first. Getting sick is simply a well-needed smack in the face. It lets me know that it's not my schedule and plans, but God's will. Only He really knows how I'll spend my time and what my schedule is like. Today I planned to go to speech meetings from 3 till 7, then try and make the last hour of youth group, somehow attempting to do some homework from 8 until bedtime. Tuesday, I planned to finish as much homework as I could so that Wednesday and Thursday I wouldn't have to (since I obviously don't have time anyway). Instead, I got sick with a terrible sore throat, runny nose, and the normal run-down feeling that comes from being sick. I fell asleep at 6 o'clock in the evening! Waking up at 10 am, I ate breakfast, then fell back asleep until 2:30 pm. As you can see, this was certainly not in my schedule or plans, but God had a different idea. He knew I needed the sleep, and some time to re-evaluate my life. Not everything revolves around my schedule. God needs to be my number one priority and the rest will fall into place. It's not the end of the world if I miss one thing on my schedule or don't do my homework for one night. It always turns out okay in the end.
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Again, our natural human instinct thinking pattern is backwards. First, we must focus on God, then He'll take care of earthly things. I remember reading this in Psalms a few months ago and it really hit me. God says He'll give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him. But what if, our only desire is to serve Him and His will. Then, it's like a circle. It takes you right back where you started, following God. This is a novel idea. Think of how different life would be if you simply trusted Him.
Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Honestly, nothing on my schedule and in my plans are anywhere near important to God. He is the reason I am living and breathing today, and the rest is history. He is the only thing remaining and His words will never pass away. How encouraging is that? That no matter what we hold as valuable in this life, it will all disappear eventually. Keeping this in perspective, stress is overrated. It's not going to help anything in life, and it's over things that are going to die out anyway! How silly I am to think that I know what my plans are. How futile it is to have everything in life planned out, as if I knew the future. God alone knows the future and He's the One who wrote it!
As I attempt to gain some sleep, catch up on homework, and prepare for the long day ahead, I need to keep in mind my "smack in the face." Yes, I am sick again. Yes, I don't like being sick and it stinks to miss school and not follow my schedule. But, nothing is worth stressing over. My schedule is not written in stone, but God has a different plan. Though He does not always make it apparent, I just have to trust in Him to find out. He never fails to keep His promises or His unfailing love.
-Rose picture taken by Bubbly at Olivet Nazarene University on her college tour
-Sunset picture taken by Bubbly outside her house, on a gorgeous night in November
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