One Resolution

It's a few hours away from another new year. People are celebrating with fireworks and funky hats. Welcoming 2010 and the start of another decade. As we look forward to new year's resolutions, we reflect on the past. Our experiences that occurred in just 365 days. Time has always fascinated me. Think about it: we'll never live through another December 31st 2009 ever again! How strange is that? Everyday is a new chance, yet once it disappears, it's the last of its kind. I'm probably just rambling, but I am a very sentimental person. I love to take pictures because I'm all about capturing the moment. Capturing the beauty. Ultimately capturing the day. Because it's as unique as a snowflake! Sometimes this takes away from simply living. Instead of enjoying the moment, I'm caught trying to get the "perfect" picture so I can always remember it. But think about the logic behind this idea. I mean, what's it worth to you to remember the past anyway? Is it as valuable as spending time with your family, or accomplishing something? If I counted the number of seconds I spent thinking about the past, it would be innumerable! What if, I used that time to spend more time with God, or help a friend in need. I could even read a book and gain knowledge. Anything would be better than dwelling on history. Don't get me wrong, history is a great thing (not that I'm too enthused with my AP US History class right now....). It prevents us from making further mistakes. But, there is a difference from rebuilding and preserving. One of my devotionals (from my new book by Beth Moore "Breaking Free Day by Day" -See "Freedom!" post) made this distinction.

"'Make Your way to the everlasting ruins, to all that the enemy has destroyed in the sanctuary.' Psalm 74:3. You may have taken many looks back at your life and found nothing but reasons to be angrier or more depressed. I understand. I've done exactly the same. Then I learned the difference between rebuilding and preserving. I was reminded of this as I stood at the Acropolis in Athens. Our guide estimated how much money they spend every year 'preserving the ruins.' We do the same thing ourselves. Rather than working with God to rebuild, we just keep revisiting and preserving. We never get over it. But that's about the best we can do, unless we make sure never to go back there without God, our only sure Restorer."

When I read this, I realized how futile dwelling on the past is. It doesn't rebuild! It doesn't do anything to help in the present or today. In fact, preserving is a completely unnecessary waste of time (well, I still like pictures, but perhaps a couple pictures will suffice instead of hundreds)! It's always good to have good memories and reflect a little. But not if those thoughts prevent you from enjoying life today. The same is true (more so, I think) with bad memories. A family member's death, a lost job, a broken relationship-it's worthless to dwell on those. That will only make you more sad and brokenhearted. Personally, I could think myself to death! So someone let you down in life-well that's life! We're all human and we still have sin, even if Jesus has saved us. It's hard to get through (I know!), but you'll never be able to let God rebuild it if you don't let go. Once you learn to let go and let God restore, you'll finally experience freedom! Freedom to enjoy life and God's great love.

I can fit my reflection of 2009 in one sentence (but you know I'll expand-after all, I love to talk!): God gave me more learning experiences than I've ever had! Well, I guess I can't make this huge of claim considering I learn so much every day, and each year I become more mature, therefore learning differently. But, this year they have been more significant and evident in my life. I use the word mature in every way. Not only am I more mature in age, but also spiritually. I mature socially and academically in school. As I grow closer to God, our relationship strengthens and I become more mature in my faith. I am even growing physically as I become more of a young woman and am taller (not as tall as my younger brother though!). I've almost read the entire Bible (the entire New Testament and the Old Testament through Job)! My friends have come and gone, changing like the seasons. I've gotten sick a total of six times this year! Lucky me, got to experience Bronchitis, Pneumonia, and completely losing my voice. Yeah, that part wasn't too fun, but every time I got sick, I readjusted my view on life and learned something from it. I got my license and crashed into a pole (see "The Result of My Over-Analytical Self and Lack of Observation"). Recently, I even ran into a glass door (I'll blog about that later). My family found a new church and a whole bunch of more friends. School still gives me a similar rigorous course load, but every year I acquire valuable knowledge. I've learned about different cultures as well because my family has the opportunity to host a German exchange student. Honestly, it's been a great year filled with more than my mind can handle and quite frankly more than I can type right now (my family is getting upset because I'm the last one awake).

Overall, I'm just filled with joy when I think about all of things God has taught me. He truly is a great God and I am so grateful for His love. It amazes me to think that every year I grow closer to Him and grow in my relationship. All I want to do in life is spend time with Him and learn about Him (and I will 24/7 for eternity in Heaven!!! -3 exclamation marks were necessary there). A song popped in my head today, when I was praying, called "Draw Me Close to You." It's a common worship song I hear in church, but the words speak to me every time.

"Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near"

I sang it today in my grandparent's closet (again... see "Freedom!"). It's everything I desire in life (and for this new year): to know God and for Him to draw me close to Him. I want to read His word more and more, to pray, to worship Him and give Him the glory He deserves! I want to share His good news with everyone I know and pray that they can only experience His wonderful joy and unfailing love. This is my purpose in life. It's my new year resolution for every year. I just hope that I can learn more every year!

~Thank you Jesus for another fantastic year with you by my side! Draw me close to you and never let me go. I desire you and you alone. Let me live for you and by your love. You satisfy all my needs and wants. The least I can do to repay you is give you glory. I fail again and again, Lord. But you pick me up and forgive me with your wonderful grace. You sent your son to bear the shame of sin and defeat it just for me. Your love is nothing like the world's. It is never ending and unfailing. I put all my trust in you, God. With all my heart, Love Bubbly. <3

I thought a sunset picture would be appropriate to end the new year with. God's beauty is something to appreciate. He's the one who tells the sun to rise and set each day and He certainly has a plan for me and my life. Lately (I'm in Florida), I've tried to capture the beauty of a sunset with a palm tree. The funny thing is, each day it's so different! God's creativity and uniqueness astounds me. Sunsets are gorgeous. :)

-New Year Clock picture and Sunset Palm Tree picture found on Google

Freedom!

After finally wrestling the precious computer (considering it's the only one here) from the hands of my cousin, brother, and German exchange student, I brought the black laptop (complete with bright orange lights on the keyboard, I know, cool right?) into my grandparent's closet. It may not seem like it, but right now it seems like the most appropriate place in the condo. A few minutes ago I was sitting in this exact same spot, huddled against the wall behind my grandpa's robes, beside the laundry basket, hiding. I don't know who I was hiding from, it certainly wasn't a game of hiding-go-seek. But I just wanted to get away. Get away from humanity. To hide my tears. To hide my pain. Okay, now it sounds like a soap opera, or at least a poorly written scrip to a pitiful depressed story about a teenage girl with emotional issues (what teenage girl doesn't?). I'm not here to write about my problems, simply how God solved them.

A friend of mine let me borrow one of her devotional books called "Breaking Free Day by Day" by Beth Moore. It is a fabulous book and I desire to purchase it myself when I get a change to travel to the Christian bookstore. Have I told you there's no such thing as coincidences (I do recall mentioning it once), well I'll say it again. There is no such thing as coincidences! Everything in life is for a purpose and the more seconds I live, the more I see God reveal Himself to me in marvelous ways. I know He cares for me and loves me unconditionally. That's all I ever need.

Recently, I've been sad, angry, and frustrated. I just don't understand how people can change. I don't understand why... well why they aren't perfect, I guess. I'm just so frustrated at the sin of the world and the things it claims to satisfy. Because they don't exist. Fairytales (as much as the little girl in me would like to not believe) are false. Prince charming was never born. And to be frank, most chick flick romance movies are clearly unrealistic. I mean, since when were all guys naturally poetic with their words and were always there for you, saving the day? Only in my dreams, only in my dreams...

Clothes. Fashion. Popularity. It's worthless! Even if I was a billionaire, with a gargantuan closet complete with the latest fashions-clothes, jewelery, shoes, accessories, everything my heart desired-I would still feel empty. I would always want more, no matter how big my wardrobe was. It's pathetic, really. The way our society advertises how great the life of a celebrity is. How nice it is to be loved by everyone, rich and famous, on magazine covers and in movies. Nice-yes. Satisfying-no. There is one thing in life, as many times as I've come to this conclusion, and as many times I've ended up right in the same place (not always my grandparent's closet, usually mine), begging God to forgive me for thinking the world could fill me up, only Jesus can fill the hole, He is the bread of life.

I'm in Florida paradise right now. Today, I went shopping to my heart's content, spending way more than I should, and buying an excessive amount of unnecessary things that will fill up my already full walk in closet. But was it really to my heart's content? Did it really make me happy? Yes, and no. In the moment of shopping, when I was surrounded by cute clothes and modeled them in the mirror, I was bursting with happiness. I even suspended the moment by putting on a mini-fashion show for my father. But then I ran out of clothes. I put them away in the bag and that was it. Fun over. It's a temporary happiness that fades as quickly as the setting sun, gone before you know it, missing the chance to even snap a picture of its beauty. I had fun today, but not only am I guilty for buying so many clothes (especially since some girls don't have any), I am also not happy. Well, at least not from the clothes.

The devotion I read a few minutes ago, from Beth Moore's "Breaking Free," that most hit me was from 2 Corinthians 3:17 "Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Freedom. What a wonderful word. The moment I hear it, I immediately think U.S. History class and America-the land of opportunities and freedom. I am so blessed to live in America, and I thank God for this country, but I would have freedom even if I wasn't. Even if I lived in true poverty, in a country filled with terrorism and hate, with no food or water, or even a house to live in, I would still be free. Even if I was a slave and was bound to serve my master for life, I would be free. Do you know that everyone is a slave? We are all slaves to sin. But only Jesus Christ sets us free-free from the emptiness inside, free from the heartbreaking reality of life and the not-so-fairytale endings. The passage from the devotion today was perfect, and exactly what I needed (believe me, coincidences don't exist).

"I begin each day in God's Word. And somewhere in the midst of my morning time with God, I ask Him to satisfy all my longings and fill all my hollow places with His lavish, unfailing love. This frees me from craving the approval of others and requiring others to fill my 'cup.' Then, if someone takes the time to demonstrate love to me, that's the overflow. I'm free to appreciate and enjoy it, but I don't require it emotionally. See how God's love brings freedom? Not only are we freed; we are able to free others from having to boost us up all the time. Where the Spirit of the Lord's lavish love is, there is freedom!"

That's a neat way of looking at it. What a great analogy: to ask God to fill up the emptiness and then people's love is just the overflow of the already full cup. She said it frees other from having to boost us up. I don't know about you, but sometimes I crave compliments. It's just so flattering to hear someone call you pretty or say you have the most beautiful eyes. As humans, we are so easily lifted up by this sort of praising. But what happens when it ends? Will you constantly get compliments every second? Is it enough to survive on? Living on praise, popularity, or wealth is a dangerous game. There's always the one condition: what happens when it ends? Everything eventually comes to an end. Even our lives will reach their due date and expire. But with Christ there is not only freedom, but eternal freedom! He not only satisfies us in the present life, but also forever. One of my favorite stores (they have gorgeously cute clothes!) is Forever 21. I like the idea of being 21 forever, even though I'm technically younger than that. But who knows what heaven will be like. Perhaps I will actually get to be 21 forever! Forever seems like a long time, but imagine spending eternity with God, who loves you unconditionally and truly satisfies your every need and want! I can't wait for that day. But until then, I will pray continually for God to fill my cup. I will pray for myself to learn to desire His praise and love. To not crave on compliments or worldly possessions, but to live each day for Christ and His glory. To find freedom through Him and be eternally content. Thank you Jesus! <3

-From the not so sad anymore Bubbly, for God has wiped the tears off my face and carried me out of my hiding place. I'm free from the darkness and sin that once bound me. I'm free from the emptiness the world left me. I'm free to live for Jesus and I am filled with joy! :)


-Beach picture actually of "Freedom Beach." How ironic! I figured it was appropriate since I'm in Florida right now. ;) Found on Google.
-Broken chains picture also found on Google.

The Free Gift of Grace

Merry Christmas! I am typing on my grandfather's laptop in Florida, enjoying the 80 degree weather and bright sun on my skin. There is no Christmas tree (unless you count the fake palm tree), no stockings over the fireplace (there isn't one) and certainly no snow. There is nothing that even hints it is a special day, or something worth celebrating about. But that's not what Christmas is all about. As much as marketing companies tell you it's about Santa, cookies, presents, snow, lights, Christmas ham and sweet potatoes, it's not. At least, that's not what it was originally for. It's sad that our society has turned Christmas day into a secular holiday for purchasing as much stuff as you can. A holiday that even atheists celebrate and nonbelievers believe in Santa Claus. Even those who call themselves Christian, or even are followers of Christ, fail to remember that Jesus is the reason for the season. We fail to remember why we gather-whether it be in a warm house surrounded by snow, or in the warm sun under a palm tree. Presents are nice. Sweet potatoes are yummy. But why do exchange gifts and eat a feast? Certainly it's not just another ordinary day! No. It might take some thinking, but I encourage you to look deeper each Christmas-learning just why we celebrate Jesus' birthday.

Could you describe the purpose of Christmas, of Christ coming into this world in the form of a baby boy, in simply one word? Well, it's not presents, or anything mentioned above. Lately I've been spending some time digging deeper. Every Christmas it's the same story: I try so hard to not forget Christ, and then end up getting caught up in the season. I remember when I was a little girl, I would spring out of my bed Christmas morning and race downstairs, a smile on my face, dreaming of presents galore! Now, it's different. I'm too mature for childish presents like Barbies. I'm growing up. And so it my enthusiasm for Christmas. Nothing really satisfies. No matter how much stuff you get, there's always a time when it's over. There's always a point where you get tired of your toys and want more. We always want more.

This Christmas season I spent some time reading God's word, listening to sermons, and hearing various messages. The same message kept on being repeated to me, and I knew God was talking to me. I can simplify the Christmas story and purpose in one word: grace. Why did Jesus come? To defeat sin and save our souls. How does this occur? Through grace. We don't deserve this gift! In fact, it's far more valuable than gold, yet God offers it to us free. They say the best things in life are priceless. This is the best gift, and it's free of charge. Although I love the classic Christmas story presented in Luke, it's overstated and I've heard it many times. I believe the best passage for digging deeper on Christmas is in Ephesians.

Ephesians 2:1-10

" ¹As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ²in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. ⁴But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

How wonderful is our God! That He would offer us His free gift of grace. We don't get into heaven through works-by doing "good" things. In fact, none of our works would even come close to God's standard. He's perfect, and we know how sinful we are. I guess I should clarify first, what grace is. There are (as always) multiple definitions of grace. My favorite, and the most appropriate (according to dictionary.com) is this: "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God." We don't deserve it. That's why it's called grace! He sent Jesus to accomplish that-amazing grace, as said so perfectly by the song. It truly amazes me every time I hear of God's unfailing love. Why would the God of the universe, who created the stars and everything we know, choose to send His son to a sinful world, and give us the free gift of grace? Can you just imagine God in the form of a baby? Humbly lying in a manger? He could have come as anything-but He came just as we come. Jesus didn't come as he deserved, and He came to give us something we don't deserve. That's grace.


Now, I know I suffer from "short-term memory loss," as Dory would put it from Finding Nemo. In other words, it's hard to remember God's grace and all that he's done for us. Christmas day is one day out of the year created to remember Him, but it seems like even that doesn't accomplish much. Even then, we should reflect on Christ every day of the year (all 365 of them!). At least for now, I can leave you with this a candy cane. Have you ever heard the symbolic purpose of a candy cane? When turned the "normal" way (right side up), it is a cane made to resemble a shepherd's staff. You can think of God as being the ultimate shepherd because He herds us, the lost sheep. Jesus is also called the Lamb of God. When turned upside down, the candy cane transforms into the letter J. J is for Jesus and the hope that He brings. The colors on a candy cane also contain symbolic meaning. The red signifies the blood Jesus shed on the cross. When you lick a candy cane, the red stripes disappear, a way to remember how Jesus' blood wipes away our sin and we become white like snow. What a handy way to reflect on God's amazing grace!


Since you're probably sick of Christmas songs by now, I will share two songs about grace (I'm assuming you are familiar with Amazing Grace). Matthew West sings a song called "Only Grace" and Krystal Meyers (one of my absolute favorite artists!) has a song called "Beauty of Grace."


-Palm tree picture, grace picture, and candy cane picture found on Google





I wish you all a very merry Christmas! I pray that you'll yearn to dig deeper this Christmas and experience God's truly amazing grace. It's the reason Jesus was born-that's why we celebrate the King's birth! :) God bless you all.

-Love, Bubbly <><

Faith Like a Child

Well, I was planning on blogging tonight right after I got off work. Then I got on facebook because I didn't know what to blog about. It's so weird, every time I know what to blog about and even have several topics I'd like to talk about, I am never near a computer or I forget about it before it's time to actually blog. Then, when I get the time and am sitting at the computer, I stare at the screen for five minutes until I realize my mind is blank and empty of any influential or intellectual thoughts. Such is the dilemma of an analytical perfectionist who has short-term memory loss. Just call me Dory! Finding Nemo is my favorite movie. It was, at least. I'm a sucker for children's movies, despite their corny humor. Sure, you can predict everything that's going to happen in the movie, but I can't. Because for me, everything is unexpected. I like it that way. It's fun to be a child and not have to worry about being bored by a children's movie. Believe me, I'm never bored! I think my rambling may have produced something worthy to talk about...

Did you know the Bible says we should be like a child? Not in the "immature, act silly" sort of way.

Mark 10:13-15

"People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'"

This story is so amazing! It shows how God cares for little children as much as adults. He values them even though they're naive and don't know much. But that's just it-they are innocent. Not perfectly innocent in the form of no sin, but they are innocent in the naive way. They are innocent from worldly corruption like alcohol, sex, and drugs. Things that (I hope) little children won't see. So what does Jesus mean when he says "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it"? He doesn't mean only seven year olds can go to heaven! Notice how He says "receive the kingdom of God." Receiving is like accepting, for example a gift. It's only six days away from Christmas, so I'm sure gifts is on your mind! God's greatest gift was Jesus-but it's only great if we accept Him into our lives. It's easy to open a Christmas present, so why can't we receive Jesus with the same attitude? After all, He payed the ultimate price.

When God says receive, He is referring to faith. Accepting Jesus Christ is an act of faith. It's one thing to believe, but it's another to trust (see "Trust" post). You not only have to believe that God exists, but also trust in Him and His plan completely. I think faith is a combination of the two. A simple math equation, if you will, to put it into simpler, childlike terms. Faith = believing + trusting. See, as easy as 2+2=4 (well, the understanding part is, not necessarily the following part)! I still haven't gotten to the child part, though. God relates this simple equation to a child. But, why? We've already established that children are innocent and naive, because they haven't been exposed to the world's evil and corruption. The main message is similar. God wants us to have faith like a child. Think of a child's point of view. They haven't been exposed anything different than what they've been told. Gullible isn't exactly the best word to describe faith (okay, not at all), but children are gullible. If you tell them something, they'll believe you. They are also naive (similar to gullible) and don't know other perspectives or opposing views. What happens when a child is told the gospel? The same thing: they accept it with no questions asked, acting merely on faith. Now, I'm making a lot of generalizations here, but I want try and make my point clear. I'm not saying that people with faith are gullible and that because they don't have other perspectives, they can't think for themselves and must rely another person's judgment. I love the idea of faith. I mean, isn't that what faith is? Believing and trusting in something when you don't have all of the answers? Perhaps children really understand the meaning of faith. They trust in people without raising their eyebrows and attempting to validate their sources. It's faith.

A friend of mine told me last summer that my faith was like a child. I pondered that statement for a second, and then asked, "That's good, right?" She responded, "Of course it's good. That means that you can believe and trust in God with no strings attached. You act only on faith and believe with your whole heart." I thought about it for a second, and then was thankful God gave me this faith. Naturally, I am naive. I really don't want to know about the world or its evil ways. But, then again, I know there's a day for everyone to grow up (and whether I like it or not, it's all around me-I'm in high school for goodness sake!). I can still hold onto my childlike faith, though. Sure, I've got some growing up to do, but that's one thing I'll never grow out of. I still like watching children's movies, but I know they're wholesome and innocent. Just like me, thanks to Jesus, I want to be innocently yours....

-Love, Dory :)

(Dory picture from Google)

Change

I woke up to one of my favorite songs this morning. As it sweetly played the guitar and sang its meaningful message, I couldn't help but drift away into my dreams again. Oops. It's 6:20 am. The past few weeks I've been sleeping in and snoozing through my alarms. This is not normal! But, it's beginning to become a routine, which scares me. Am I seriously just so tired I can't wake up from a noisy alarm? Or do I simply need to change my songs to more upbeat, unfamiliar music? Perhaps, I am slowly becoming accustomed to snoozing through any alarm and have developed my own resistance to its purpose. It could be a combination of all three, but for whatever reason, I am snoozing through my morning, and as a result, neglecting my habit of daily Bible reading.

My cell phone alarm this morning played the song Finish Last by Stellar Kart. The beginning verse is my favorite and is perfect for what I'm going through right now.

"People change and plans get changed and
Everything changes but You
Everybody moves around and
Everything gets pushed around but You
You always stay the same, stay the same

I want to finish last
Last in the world's eyes
No matter what I do
I will be first in your eyes

I am running in this race and
I am pressing onwards towards the finish line
You have promised me a better life
Far beyond this world, far beyond this place and time"

I don't like change. No one does, to some extent. It's the fear of the unknown and our comfort zone that compels us to hate anything different than "status quo." The phrase status quo is actually Latin for "the state in which." It means the "current or existing state of affairs" (Wikipedia). This is the opposite of change. It reminds me of the song Status Quo in High School Musical-portraying how it's good to do something different and not follow the status quo presented in every high school. It's hard to break out of that clique and be unique.

Everyone changes. No matter what your personality is, everyone is constantly changing. It's part of growing up. Even once you're an adult, you still have to cope with change. Whether it's a new job, house, family, or even something as simple as a new brand of toothpaste, it's all around us. Now, some people are more resistant to change than others, who throw themselves into a state of panic when the sofa is moved to a new living room corner. I'm not quite that crazy, but even that takes some adjusting to. I remember, ever since I was a little girl, my mom would always move my furniture around-just to change things up. This was exciting for me, but at the same time hard. To suddenly sleep in a different spot and have my dresser be to the right of my bed instead of the left is weird. What if I had to grab a tissue in the middle of the night and reached to the left? We're talking about life or death situations, here (I hope you realize I'm kidding). Okay, so change isn't that bad when the topic is furniture, but what about a broken relationship, or the death of a family member? How do we cope with change when we lose our job or have to adjust with a tighter financial budget? This is where I'm so glad there's a God. And not just a big, thunder making God who brings judgment on evil. I mean the loving, caring, best friend God who never changes.

Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

Ecclesiastes 1:4 "Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes."

Isaiah 14:27 "The Lord of Heaven’s Armies has spoken—who can change his plans? When his hand is raised,who can stop him?”

Isaiah 31:2 "In his wisdom, the Lord will send great disaster; he will not change his mind. He will rise against the wicked and against their helpers."

I decided to use the New Living Translation (all past posts have been New International Version) because it used the word "change" more than the NIV. I love the beginning of the Finish Last song: "People change and plans get changed and everything changes but You." This is so true. The only one we can really count on is God-because He never changes. Now, I'm not saying change is bad. Change is good! Can you imagine our lives void of change? Nothing would be interesting-life just wouldn't have any spice! But, our ability to change and human nature can hurt people (especially sensitive people like me). When we change our minds and plans, and don't keep our promises, it's disappointing. And what should we expect? We're only human and shouldn't have perfection as an expectation. This is hard to keep in mind for me, because I am one of the world's greatest perfectionist. Thank goodness for God! He will never fail me. He always keeps His promises and never changes. My grandmother always says, "Never say never," because-you guessed it-people change. There is only one case where I can say never or always, and that's with God. Because he will truly never forsake us. He is always with us and will never leave us.

My mother tells me change is good. Her wisdom from experience always helps me. I think that's why the Bible says to honor your father and mother-because they've been through it before. To encourage me, my mother says that we'll always have to face change. Whether we want to or not, our lives are constantly changing. But, we can always count on God. In order to cope with a changing life, we must rely on God, because He never changes. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

-Both pictures taken by Bubbly :)

Tuesday

It's a Tuesday. I guess that's clearly obvious to you, but to my over-analytical self, that simple statement means something. Today was one of the few days where my thinking accomplished something worthwhile-at least more worthwhile than daydreaming about an insignificant event that's history (which reminds of one of my favorite songs: History, by Matthew West). Anyway, I realized today that I don't like Tuesdays. Most people loathe Mondays, but for me, Tuesdays are far more worthy of loathing. Think about it: Mondays you come back from the weekend and get to see your friends, Wednesdays are the middle of the week (at least it's half over), Thursdays are only one day away from Friday, and Friday... well that's self-explanatory! Saturdays and Sundays are the weekend loaded with relaxation and fun, free from stress (almost). What does that leave Tuesday with? Nothing. It's just another day to go to school and get used to the daily routine of homework. As depressing as it sounds, it's partly true. But, it's all about your perspective...



My morning began with slamming my snooze twice, only to finally turn it off completely (this rarely happens) after silently becoming angry with it. I fell asleep completely, had a half an hour long dream, and then woke up to realize I accidentally over slept. Talk about a bad start! Despite my attempt to prevent any of this from happening, by going to bed at 9, I was still extremely tired. The feeling of getting awoken from deep sleep is one of the worst feelings in the world (or at least for me). There's an overwhelming urge to stay behind the comfort of warm covers and forget about reality. Unfortunately, I must face my life. Whether I'm ready or not, I know I have to get up and start the day, Tuesday or not. The weather outside didn't greet me with sunshine and warm hands. No, I slept walked out into -2 degrees Fahrenheit! If I wasn't fully awake yet, I certainly was after that greeting. The high for today was 6 degrees. Woot! Sometimes I think God has a test for me everyday-just to see if I truly trust in Him with all of my heart. The test today was the fact it was Tuesday. More specifically, keeping a positive attitude on the inevitably of Tuesday.

It's days like these I love Christian radio. I don't see how Christians cannot take advantage of this amazing resource! If you claim you don't have time for reading the Bible or praying, the least you can do is turn on the radio in your car. It's not a coincidence when you hear the perfect song on the radio. It can turn around your gloomy Tuesday, put a smile on your face, and even help you in a trial or struggle. Shivering in my dad's leather-seated Buick, I heard the most beautiful violin and string melody. Suddenly, my Tuesday seemed like it had some hope, and unintentionally, I slipped away into a happy mood. The song is called "Best of Me" by The Letter Black.




A fellow violinist, I immediately yearned for the music and wanted to play it myself. However, not only is the music gorgeous and uplifting, the message is just what I needed!

"If I could find yesterday
I would take You back to where I'm coming from
Cause You can see the way
All these scars have kept me running
And chasing down the past
But I'm not done, I'm turning back

I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear, You keep on giving me the reason to keep believing

Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need
I'll give you the Best of Me

If I could read tomorrow's mind
I would know exactly where You're taking me
If I'm going to slip away
Or if I stay and give You all my trust
You will keep me safe
I know You won't let me fade

Oh, I know I believe it
No, I will be turning around
I want to know You now
Your Love won't let me down, no!"

The last few posts have been on trust. God is teaching me to trust in Him and not man. I've learned this the hard way (through some tough experiences), but it's so worth it. I love the part in the song where it says "I swear, you're the reason I keep breathing..." It spells out my life and I know it's the only thing that keeps me going on hard days, especially Tuesdays. Also, it's perfect when she says "give you all my trust." Hello-life lesson right there! The last post was about taking refuge in God, and not in man. The last line is "your love won't let me down." This is exactly what I need to remember, because men are sinful and will let you down. It's hard to cope with life's unfairness, but we can trust in God's unfailing love!

Well, I considered writing my own song about what I'm going through right now. But, I guess I already found one that explains it all! There really are no coincidences in life. Everything is for a purpose and part of God's plan. I can't count the number of times I've seen this (everyday!). It's just proof of God working in our lives.

Although I was overly tired, freezing cold, and in a bad mood on this typical Tuesday, I changed my perspective. I analyzed the situation and was reminded of the reason I'm alive. Just as the song suggests, I need to give God the "best of me." His love won't let me down, and I need to trust in Him that this Tuesday isn't going to be terrible (like I thought). It's His joy I live on, anyway! I'm not the most confident person, but I shouldn't be that way. I have every reason to be confident-I have confidence in Jesus Christ and the person God created me to be. This is more than the most popular student at school has. As much wealth, popularity, or beauty you may have, it's nothing compared to the hope I have in Christ. Today, I found myself constantly comparing myself to others. "She's prettier, skinnier, and more popular than I am. He's smarter than I am and has better grades. She's more outgoing with boys than I am, I wish I had more guy friends. He's a genius at the violin. Why does everyone seem to have better lives than me?" These thoughts don't produce anything other than gloom. Is that what God intended me to do with my life? No! He tells me in His word to think on good things.

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

God created everyone differently. Just as every snowflake is unique, no one person is alike. Because of this, it's absolutely futile to compare yourself to others or think on these things. There's also no reason to not be confident. Jesus gave me everything I ever needed, and I don't need to ever worry again. He made me a beautiful, gifted, confident young woman and never wants me to forget that.

It's a Tuesday. Although I normally dislike Tuesdays, and although they have every reason for being loathed, I developed a different perspective today. Through a lovely song, some worthwhile thinking, and my Savior's love, this Tuesday and turned from typical to unique, from terrible to terrific. It's all about your attitude. I'm so thankful for God and the confidence He brings. I have to admit, I was feeling insecure and jealous today. I certainly wasn't thinking on "good" things like Philippians 4:8 commands. Luckily, I realized my hope in Christ. He will never let me down and created me unique. I guess Tuesdays aren't so bad after all...

My Best Friend

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 118:8.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man."

Why is it that I should suffer from another's wrongdoing? Why is it that life isn't fair? I'm sure everyone has these questions at some point. But, the Bible always has a way of answering mine. You see, there's a three-lettered word called sin. I don't like it, and neither does God, but He created a way for us to bridge the gap and no longer be separated from Him. This verse is so encouraging when people let you down. Because at some point everyone is going to. Even my own parents (as perfect as my mother is) will stumble in sin and let me down. Notice how it says "than to trust in man." There's that word again: trust (see "Trust" post). The only person we should ever fully rely on and completely, wholeheartedly trust is God. Sometimes I fall into the dream that I can trust anyone, as long as they're nice and a Christian. This is a trap. And a snare straight from Satan. Even Christians sin! No one, not even the most "righteous" or "innocent" person on the face of the planet, is perfect. And they're nothing, not even close, to God and His holiness.

As much as I love my friends and family, I no that they're not perfect. I've never had a "best" friend. I don't like to pick favorites when it comes to people and I know God doesn't. When people ask me who my best friend is, I'm sorry to my brother, my mother, and my father (who are my best friends... human, that is), Jesus is my best friend. He will be forever and will never leave me or forsake me. That's why I am confident, that I can put my trust in Him and won't be let down. For other cases, it's difficult. You have to use discernment when choosing friends in the first place and decide who's more trustworthy. I didn't even have to look for my best friend or try to "win" their favor. Whether I'm at my worst or my best, Jesus found me first. He wrapped me in His arms, and told me He loves me. That's more than a friend, boyfriend, brother, or parent can do. It's beyond human capacity to love, everyone in the world, unconditionally. To love them enough to die on a cross, and bear the sin of every man. To love them, even in their sin and imperfections. To look at them with grace and mercy, and see them as innocent.

My best friend is more than a friend (not to sound cliche...). He is perfect, truly perfect. His gift is better than chocolate, or all of the riches of the world. He gave me the gift of life-both when I was born and created in my mother's womb, and when I accepted Him into my life, and put my trust in Him. I will never regret that. It was the best decision I ever made.

-Thanks, to my best friend, that I am innocently yours. I put all of my trust in you, and you alone.

(Flower picture taken by Bubbly. In the same way a flower takes its refuge in the warmth of the sun, so I take my refuge in God's warmth and joy. He brings me peace and happiness, forever.)

Tis' the Season to Give

It's the tenth of December and snow was bound to come. The tree tops are covered in the gorgeous white powder. It glistens in the sun and brings light to the world. It's a winter wonderland! Although it's not necessarily fun to drive in or safe, I've not only enjoyed the aesthetic pleasures of snow, but also the entertainment of sledding and snowball fights. Oh, and the three snow days in a row have been nice too! I think I'm finally getting used to the Christmas season. Call me crazy, but I haven't been enthusiastic at all for the holidays. What's even more unusual, is the fact my family is going on a vacation to Florida for Christmas break! I'm sure anyone would love to trade my place and go somewhere warm in December. I guess I've never really spent Christmas anywhere other than where's there's snow, and am scared to deal with the loss. It's the only day of the year where I think there should be snow. But, I've learned that it doesn't matter what the weather is like, as long as I'm with my family, it's Christmas.

Let's not forget the reason for the season, though! There's a cute saying that "Jesus is the reason for the season." I love this phrase because it reminds us the real reason of why we gather over sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. It's Jesus' birthday! In order to honor Him in all His glory, I think it's only appropriate to spend the season doing something that Jesus might do: giving. It's the least we can do to repay Him for saving our souls. And, it's the only gift we can give Him for His extra-special birthday! It's so hard to re-prioritize our lives and set our minds on giving. We are selfish by human nature. You just have to keep in mind that it's not our money or things in the first place. Everything we have is God's. He gave them to us in the first place and blessed my family with so much! When I give it away, I'm just using God's money to impact others in need.

Now, just because we have the heart for giving, doesn't necessarily mean we know exactly what to do with it and how to go about it. Believe me, it's harder than it looks! Lately, I've been struggling with this issue of giving. I don't know what it is, but something in my heart is holding back, and I need to overcome it with God's strength! The problem for me, is I don't know where to give. My analytical perfectionism is constantly thinking of the "best" place to give my money and I shouldn't give it that much thinking. It's really simple: when you see a need, give. It can be as easy as going to grocery store! Every time you visit the store, you hear the Salvation Army bell and see the bright red bucket. Most of the time, people just walk right past it, possibly feeling guilty they didn't give what change they had (in the least). Even if you don't have much, or already gave your money to a different cause, every little bit counts!

Last Monday, I had the perfect opportunity to give. My mother told me about a girl, at the school she teaches at, who is poor and doesn't have many clothes. If there's anything I can give away, clothes is certainly the best thing. I have way too many clothes than I need and let's just say I'm a "shopaholic" when it comes to clothes. Anyway, I immediately dropped my homework and raced to my walk-in closet. My mom told me she wore a size 0-3 in teenage clothing, which was perfect because I just grew out of that size. I piled together about 20 different items-from jeans to blouses to dresses. As I threw out clothes that I had enjoyed when I was her age (8th grade), I imagined her smile as she wore these fun, cute, in style clothes. This is the excitement that comes from giving! The Bible has many different references to giving.

Matthew 6:3-4
"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

That's the other thing about giving: when you do it without pride and in secret, you will be rewarded even more! You'd think it would be different, but when you give in secret, you practice humility, and don't get caught up in the world's twist on giving. Boasting while giving defeats the purpose of it, doesn't it? If the point of giving is to give God glory, then we need to give humbly. Then, we can quietly know inside that you completely impacted someone's life, without them knowing it. It's like a mystery, then. It's like opening up a surprise gift, or not knowing who sent you beautiful flowers. That's the fun of giving!

2 Corinthians 8:7 "But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving."

Throughout the Old Testament, there are many instances when the Israelites excelled in giving. They even gave more than enough sometimes! It's a mind set. If you develop a heart of giving, then it's easy. Paul asked the Corinthians to continue giving, because of its crucial importance. Believe me, you won't be able to imagine or comprehend how much you will be blessed by the simple, secret act of giving. Tis' the season to give!

-Snow covered trees picture found on Google.

Trust

Trust: "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence." According to dictionary.com, this is the first definition that comes up. I always think it helps to know the exact definition of a word before analyzing it or even using it. So many times we use words without knowing the true meaning. The bible uses the word trust 164 times! Recently, I've been struggling with the "trust issue." I believe it has everything to do with Christianity and being a Christian. If you claim to be a Christian, or a follower of Christ, you are declaring that you trust in Him. As with nearly everything, it's easier said than done. There's a neat acronym called FROG. It stands for "fully rely on God."


Fully
Rely
On
God

I found this phrase on a bus in a church parking lot when I was at a Bible Quizzing meet. It must be a common acronym among Christians because most of the people on my Quizzing team were familiar with it. Being new to me, I couldn't hold back my enthusiasm for it. I remarked, "Wow! That's such a cool acronym! I can't believe I haven't seen it before." I guess what really made it neat, was the fact it was a memory device. We are only human and have limited memories. Especially on God and all He's done for us. I wish it wasn't that way, but I tend to forget time and time again how great God really is.

Notice how it doesn't just say "rely on God." No, it says "fully rely on God." That's the thing about trust: it's an all or nothing situation. You can't say that you trust in something with only half your heart. It's like the trust game where you fall into another person's arms. You have to fully rely and trust that they're going to catch you. Like the dictionary definition says, you have to have confidence in that person. Confidence that they won't let you fall or get harmed. Also, you must trust in their ability. If you weigh more than they do and are twice their size, you might consider their ability. You might not trust them if you don't think they can handle it. The same is true of God. To claim that you fully trust in God, you have to put your faith in His ability and strength, having confidence that He knows what He's doing.

During finals week, I was a mess (see "A New Perspective" blog post). I was so caught up in the world's expectations and trying to be perfect that I forgot who gave me the abilities in the first place. Sometimes it's hard to understand what God means by putting your trust in Him. Luckily, the Bible has many different references to trust.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

This is a familiar verse, and I have committed it to memory since I was a child, but I never understood it completely until now. I was relying on my own understanding to try and get through my stressful week, which consequently ended in an emotional breakdown. I lost it without trusting in God. Once I realized I couldn't do it alone, not only did I feel much better, but I was blessed by it. Somehow, only through God's strength, I managed to get good grades on my projects and finals without studying. Now let me clarify, I wasn't intentionally trying to see how I would do without putting much time into it. I was simply busy with other things and didn't have the time to study (or much time to finish my huge projects). Instead, I went on a youth group retreat for the weekend before finals. This strengthened my newly discovered trust in God, because the chapel services were on trust! I don't think anything in life is coincidental, but all from God's plan and purpose.

To help you understand the magnitude of what I mean, I'll give an example of a mini "miracle" that occurred in my Advanced Pre-Calculus class, as a result from trusting in God. I'm not exactly fond of math and never have been (that doesn't mean I'm not good at it...). But, this year I have a phenomenal teacher who is gradually teaching me how math can be fun. The class is extremely challenging and rigorous, though. Since the only grades we receive are from tests and quizzes, it's hard to get a good grade in the class. A few years ago, a B would be considered failing to me, but this class has taught me that a B is actually quite good. However, a B- is a little different. This is where I was before finals, and I was completely terrified at the thought of getting a C+. After my emotional breakdown, I came to the conclusion that grades didn't matter and that it's not the end of the world if I get a C. Jesus still loves me (and so do my parents)! Keeping this in mind, without time to study, I said a silent prayer before the test and asked God to help me remember what I learned without making silly mistakes (like I normally do). When I looked at my grade online, I was skeptical and honestly didn't believe it. I thought, "Well the computer says I only missed one point and got a 97%, but that's not possible, is it?" Even when God had given me a miracle (in my eyes), I still doubted His power and insisted there must have been a mistake. I am smart. God created me that way and gave me many talents. I often say I'm not, in response to insecurity and lack of self-esteem. What I fail to realize is, it's God's gift, not mine. If I am smart, I must give the glory to Him and credit Him for my intelligence. Even though it was the best grade I received on a test in that class, I give all of the credit to my Savior. He helped me remember the formulas and kept me alert so I didn't make mistakes. It may seem insignificant to you, but it was like a miracle to me. I trusted in God, with all of my heart, mind, and soul, and was blessed beyond my imagination!

No matter what you're going through, you don't have to go at it alone. Jesus died on the cross for a reason, and if you put your trust in Him, you will certainly be blessed. All it takes is complete trust, falling into His arms without flinching, with full confidence in God's strength and power. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." This is so true. Base your confidence on Him and give the glory to the one who gave you your unique and fabulous talents. It might take some time and frustration (aka emotional breakdown!), but once you learn to trust in God, you won't ever want to turn back.

-Frog picture found on Google.
-Flower picture taken by Bubbly :)

Peace

It's well past my insanely early bedtime of 8, but I spent my time playing piano this weekend instead of homework. I've been working on this beautiful song called "River Flows in You" by Yiruma. Although associated with Twilight (which I am not at all into), I simply love the song. I'm not much of pianist, but I do know how to play. I mainly taught myself, with a few lessons here and there. It still takes awhile to sight read and learn a new song, but I'm a quick learner (especially when the song is so pretty). The chords are breath-taking and gorgeous. I always like to get my emotions out through music. Something in particular has been bothering me for the past month and sometimes I just need to express myself through music. It's truly amazing how one song can take away feelings of sadness and frustration, if only temporary. Similar to a movie, it's something you can use to escape the reality of life for at least a few minutes and enjoy the gift of music. It also makes me feel accomplished. Although I can play my heart out on violin, and sing fairly well, now I can play a challenging piano piece. There's something about the piano that makes it different than other instruments, though. I can't quite explain it, but I love the chorus of this song, when it hits the high notes and goes into a beautiful melody.



Well, nothing can take the place of the peace that Jesus brings, but I think God created music for a purpose. It can communicate a message, aid in memorizing, and even sooth emotional problems. Recently, I've been an emotional mess. As I've written on previous blog posts, it's really hard to live a balanced lifestyle with the stress of school, and even people. No one's perfect. I've finally realized that, and thank goodness there's Jesus. He's the only one that will never leave me or let me down. People fail sometimes. It's why we're human! Sin is what separates us from the perfect and holy God. Luckily, my Savior is always there for me, even on the days when I'm not being very nice. It's really hard to live at peace with everyone. Whether it be family, friends, or strangers, conflicts will always exist and there's bound to be problems. It's how you react to those problems that makes the difference. Acting moody, or rude to others is not the proper response, but it's what I occasionally do when I don't feel well. When I just want to be in solitude for a while, music does help. Although I played piano instead of homework on Saturday, it was the remedy for my distress at the time. However, music alone won't cure life's trials. A verse that has appeared multiple times throughout the last month and this week is Romans 12:18. It's one of the hardest verses to follow and the beginning part confuses me.

Romans 12:18
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Last night, I found myself yelling at God, complaining, "Well you said 'if it is possible,' and I declare it impossible!" Obviously, I was feeling a little upset and frustrated at people. I failed to recognize the meaning of the second line of the verse: "as far as it depends on you." That means that I need to do all I can do to make peace, but I can't make others follow. Feeling guilty at being mean to my family or friends, I did a mirror-check and realize that I need to do my part first. This verse applies to every aspect of life in terms of people. If you're going through a problem with somewhat, this is the answer. Simply live at peace with everyone. Better said than done, right? This is my goal for this month, and hopefully I will learn some life lessons along the way.

-Waterfall picture taken by Bubbly!
-Video from Youtube (obviously...)

A New Perspective

I don't normally write merely about a past experience, but I feel the need to write about something that happened a few weeks ago. I would have written about it right after it occurred, but the busyness of life (as usual) got in the way.

It was the week before finals week. Everyday was the same: come home from school or other extra-curricular activity and immediately begin working on homework for five hours straight (or more). This was pretty stressful and I couldn't help but worry about whether I would get all of my homework done before finals (let alone begin studying for the important exams). Wednesday, November 11th, was the climax of my stress. It was as if all of the stress throughout the trimester escalated and accumulated until that very day, when I couldn't hold onto it any longer. Every time throughout the beginning of the year, when something went wrong and I felt the need to cry, I held it in, telling myself it wasn't worth any shed tears. I would act as if I was no longer bothered by it and simply continue on with life. However, I had to let go of it sometime. Wednesday night, I exploded. Not in the way a bomb suddenly explodes for no reason, but in the way a troubled, worried little girl pours out all of her tears gathered up through many stressful months into one giant meltdown. This was not the first time I had an emotional meltdown, but it was certainly worse than any memory I can recollect. I honestly, and sadly, completely lost it.

I had planned to go to an informational speech meeting after school (the first), then go home and start my five hours of homework, sadly, but for good reason, missing my youth group I so badly wanted to attend. This plan already depressed me, but what actually happened caused me to lose it. My German exchange student had to go to a basketball meeting at five, which he said was expected to last between 15-20 minutes. I thought to myself, "Okay, I'll drive you to the meeting, bring along an hour worth of homework, do some in the car, and then drive you home afterward so I don't have to make two trips." Unfortunately, plans never go as expected and the night was a mess of miscommunication and miscalculations. After about an hour (as predicted), I finished my study guide I attempted to complete in the semi-dark car. I glanced at the time and thought it was odd he wasn't done, but gathered up the little patience I possessed and waited while listening to the car radio. Frustrated at the time, I raced inside to find the meeting still in session. I asked a man outside the room what time they would be done and he said about a quarter till 7. Since I saw it pointless to drive all of the way back home, I decided to go to some of youth group. It was about 6:30 and since my church is only 2 minutes away, I figured I could spend about 15 minutes there, and then pick him up.

Feeling somewhat embarrassed for coming in for only a few minutes, I hesitantly walked in and stayed for announcements and worship. Since I forgot my cell phone, I wasn't able to communicate with my exchange student. However, I followed what the man outside the room said, and figured he would be done at around 7. I was sad to leave youth group, but needed to pick him up so I could finish my five hours of homework for the night. Determined, I ran inside to find the meeting not even close to being done. After wandering around the school aimlessly, he finally came out. I only saw him briefly (less than a minute) to ask him when he would be done and his reply was, "talk to the coach." Frustrated, I waited for the coach to be finished talking (like 5 minutes) and then asked him. He said they were just assigning lockers and would be done after that (I was thinking like 5 minutes). I ran down to the gym, but didn't want to intrude in the men's locker room and waited a few minutes. Not knowing what to do, I went back to the car, moved it to the other parking lot (near the gyms) and ran back inside. I felt like an idiot as I ran around the school confused, frustrated, and stressed. I checked the time and it was a quarter till 8. With a violin lesson at 8:15, I knew I had to get home. The entire way to my house, I constantly cried at the wheel and beat myself up inside. I felt guilty for leaving my exchange student at school, sad that I had completely missed youth group, angry for not getting my homework done, stupid for forgetting my cell phone, stressed that I would be late to my violin lesson, and overall upset that nothing had gone according to plan the entire night (did I mention I hadn't had any food since lunch time and was also hungry?).

With all of these emotions boiling up inside, I continued to cry and especially exploded when my mom saw me. On top of all of that, I felt embarrassed that I was crying in the first place and felt like a crazy person for losing it completely. Thankfully, my loving mother spent the next 30 minutes sharing her wisdom with me and telling me that grades didn't matter. During this, I gobbled up in the middle of tears, a warm plate of lasagna. Still worried about my violin lesson, my mom canceled it and told my teacher I wasn't feeling well. True, I wasn't feeling well emotionally and I was honestly mentally sick. She said that was as bad (almost worse) than being physically sick.

My problem is, I can never say "no" to anything! I always feel obligated to do everything and at the same time want to do it all. My mom said to do only what I love to do. I still have to try my best in school, but she said that "grades don't matter." I was shocked by this response and it took my a while to fully understand. You see, it's not the end of world if I get a C in a class or if a fail a few tests, even if I the worst happened and I didn't graduate from high school, my mom would still love me and no matter what, Jesus still does. It may sound corny, but when looking at life from this perspective, it eliminates my current worst enemy: stress. It's not like I'm going to suddenly stop trying in school and get F's. Believe me, I care too much. But that's just it: I care too much. I certainly shouldn't care so much that I have an emotional breakdown. It's simply not worth it. My mom told me that no one will ever look back at your high school grades in the future, besides initially getting into college. It's not like my future boss is going to comment on the B I received in Advanced Pre-Calculus or the D I got on an AP US History test. Then she asked me, "Which would you rather have? A great GPA, but with a horrible high school experience with no fun, or a social life full of wonderful memories and fun?" This question hit me right in the forehead, triggering a light bulb in my head. I never even stopped to think about a social life. I never thought about balancing grades and fun or considering doing things I enjoy. I always did things I felt I had to, not thinking about my interests. Learning is fun, and sometimes I love school, but it's practically impossible to balance that with the stress that comes with it. My new perspective in life is this: grades, homework, school, it doesn't matter! I need to do what I love to do and have fun with it. Life isn't as serious, boring, or horrible as it seems sometimes. Sure, I'll try my best, but I need to stop being such a perfectionist and get some priorities straight. God is number one in my life, and nothing can take the place of Him.

Romans 4:4-8 "Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works: 'Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.'"

-Both flower pictures taken by Bubbly (summer 09')

A Smack in the Face

It may have seem like I have been avoiding writing on my blog for the past few weeks. In all honesty, I really did want to write some days, but since it was not required, I felt it was a wasted attempt at relaxing when I had a week off from school and a few weeks off of blogging, only to discover that I would use the majority of my time working for hours on end on my AP Language and Composition portfolio. Okay, so that seemed like a run-on sentence of whining, but it was intended to be a concise explanation for the time lag between blogs. That is, if anyone even reads my blog (besides my teacher)! A total of 5 comments seems wimpy, but I know that some people read without commenting. I just hope that at least one person in the entire universe benefits, in some way or another, from my effort of blogging.

With that settled, I am very sorry to say this again, but I am sick. It certainly seems humanly impossible that I could get sick so often (like 6 times this year!), but I believe it is a consequence of my over-scheduling, over-committing, over-analytical self (did I mention I'm also a perfectionist?) that results in stress. Dare I say it, the word stress is something I wish was a foreign word. If only I could travel back in time, to my childhood days for fifth grade when stress was absent from my vocabulary. If only I could learn to relax or acquired a care-free personality from birth. But, no. Sadly, since the first day of middle school as an 11-year old sixth grader, I had to learn the tragedies of stress early on. Ever since, I have never been able to cope with it.

After a continuing busy Thanksgiving break, I was slightly disappointed I couldn't have used the time to do just what I needed: a break. All I wanted was some time to relax and stay at home, doing nothing more than watching movies and eating popcorn. Unfortunately, as if my life isn't crazy enough, I was busy every day of my break as well. Starting Saturday morning, I woke up at 5:30 am to go to a Bible Quizzing meet. Sunday, my family began our vacation to Olivet Nazarene University, where I went on a college visit. Though I enjoyed the trip filled with taking unique pictures, listening to my brother's ipod, and sleeping in the car, it was still exhausting. I'm still confused about the future: which college to go to, what to do with the rest of my life (career)... etc. I shouldn't create stress out of a problem two years from now, but it still bothers me. The moment I got back from the trip, I had nothing but work and cleaning to do (okay, so I got together with some friends, but the majority of the time I was working). Before I could blink, it was Monday morning and back to the typical hectic school. I was far too tired and not prepared for the stress. Then, here I am, sitting at home, sick on Wednesday.

Again, I received a giant smack in the face. So much of my life revolves around my schedule. Just look at my schedule tomorrow and you'll get an idea. Thursday: speech team meeting (TV News) 3-4, leave early from speech team to change into work uniform and get to work five till 4, work 4-8, rush downtown still in work uniform to violin lesson 8:15-9, somehow manage to finish my homework before I get too tired to function. It almost makes me want to scream! How did my life get so crazy and stressful, and what's the solution? I cannot keep on getting sick. It certainly just adds to the stress. Missing school stinks. Some students disagree, but since I'm a perfectionist, above 4.0 GPA, every second counts. I truly do love to learn. But when learning turns into stress, that's when I explode. If only there could be a balance, some way to enjoy school minus the stress.

Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." This verse is found in the "Do not worry" section of Matthew chapter 6. It explains how it is futile to worry about the things of life when God has everything under control. I think it's funny how we tend to focus on things other than God to get our problems straight, when He's the One we need to go to first. Getting sick is simply a well-needed smack in the face. It lets me know that it's not my schedule and plans, but God's will. Only He really knows how I'll spend my time and what my schedule is like. Today I planned to go to speech meetings from 3 till 7, then try and make the last hour of youth group, somehow attempting to do some homework from 8 until bedtime. Tuesday, I planned to finish as much homework as I could so that Wednesday and Thursday I wouldn't have to (since I obviously don't have time anyway). Instead, I got sick with a terrible sore throat, runny nose, and the normal run-down feeling that comes from being sick. I fell asleep at 6 o'clock in the evening! Waking up at 10 am, I ate breakfast, then fell back asleep until 2:30 pm. As you can see, this was certainly not in my schedule or plans, but God had a different idea. He knew I needed the sleep, and some time to re-evaluate my life. Not everything revolves around my schedule. God needs to be my number one priority and the rest will fall into place. It's not the end of the world if I miss one thing on my schedule or don't do my homework for one night. It always turns out okay in the end.


Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Again, our natural human instinct thinking pattern is backwards. First, we must focus on God, then He'll take care of earthly things. I remember reading this in Psalms a few months ago and it really hit me. God says He'll give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him. But what if, our only desire is to serve Him and His will. Then, it's like a circle. It takes you right back where you started, following God. This is a novel idea. Think of how different life would be if you simply trusted Him.

Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Honestly, nothing on my schedule and in my plans are anywhere near important to God. He is the reason I am living and breathing today, and the rest is history. He is the only thing remaining and His words will never pass away. How encouraging is that? That no matter what we hold as valuable in this life, it will all disappear eventually. Keeping this in perspective, stress is overrated. It's not going to help anything in life, and it's over things that are going to die out anyway! How silly I am to think that I know what my plans are. How futile it is to have everything in life planned out, as if I knew the future. God alone knows the future and He's the One who wrote it!

As I attempt to gain some sleep, catch up on homework, and prepare for the long day ahead, I need to keep in mind my "smack in the face." Yes, I am sick again. Yes, I don't like being sick and it stinks to miss school and not follow my schedule. But, nothing is worth stressing over. My schedule is not written in stone, but God has a different plan. Though He does not always make it apparent, I just have to trust in Him to find out. He never fails to keep His promises or His unfailing love.

-Rose picture taken by Bubbly at Olivet Nazarene University on her college tour
-Sunset picture taken by Bubbly outside her house, on a gorgeous night in November