Prom daydreaming and the peace of prayer

Right now, the only thing on my mind is prom. :) Tomorrow is going to be AWESOME!!! The orthodontist said I can start wearing my retainer only at night on May 1st. How perfect - just in time for prom pictures! I'm going with this Chinese exchange student (a friend of my friend), which will be fun. But the most exciting part is wearing the gorgeous red dress a friend let me borrow, and taking a lot of pictures! ;) But... despite the excitement (and loads of homework and studying for AP exams - yeah I haven't started that), I've still been making prayer a priority in my life. Why? Because I will never forget how AWESOME God is. That will never change, and so far, I've been amazed at what prayer can do.

For starters, I guess the number one, most pivotal and perfect product of prayer is peace. Talk about a lot of "p"s in one sentence! But I love alliterations. ;) Anyway, the following verses amaze me every time I come across them. It brings me to my knees and makes me want to raise my hands in praise to God!!!

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Read that last line again: the PEACE of God, which TRANSCENDS all understanding will GUARD your hearts and minds in CHRIST JESUS. A talented writer may write eloquently, but I am convinced that nothing can compare to the Word of God. It can speak to us in miraculous ways, and is the power of God. In 1 Corinthians 2:1, Paul says, "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God." He continues, "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." Can I hear an AMEN to that? Really, when it comes down to it, the only thing in life that matters is the cross, and what was accomplished there.

Today during orchestra, this guy was basically attempting to discredit the cross - what it symbolizes. He said that technically, the cross is a bad depiction of death - that people who hate Christianity should wear it, not the other way around (he even included examples of celebrities wearing the cross to mock it). You know what I said to him? The cross is a symbol of love. It's a symbol of grace and forgiveness, and everything that Christianity stands for! Jesus DIED for the world's sins. He bore it on the cross, just because He loved us. He defeated death. I will continue to wear the cross until the day I die, despite influences around me. Because I know that it symbolizes Jesus' great love for me, and I will never let go of that beautiful grace.

On my way home from school, the song "Oh Happiness" came on the radio, and I couldn't help but sing along. Something inside of me was genuinely happy. Why? Because of grace. The lyrics go: "Oh happiness, there's grace enough for us and the whole human race." AMEN. :) The definition of happiness is grace.


(Picture taken by Bubbly - it's a close up of my prom dress!!!)

An Experiment for Change

Last week I began an experiment. It wasn't a carefully decided, thought out plan, but an epiphany from God. Following the FCA Lock-In, I was on a mountain. I wanted nothing more than to give out Bibles to my entire school. But, for the moment, I decided to compromise that plan and hand out daily Bible verses instead. So, ever since last Tuesday, I have been giving encouraging words each day to my orchestra (I always run out after that). People responded in different ways... One girl was like, "Whoa, aren't you pushing your beliefs on people?" But two seconds later a girl gladly took my piece of paper and was thankful to feel included. That's all I want to do - make people's day brighter. Oh, and feed them with a daily dose of the Holy Spirit and God's unfailing Word. It breaks my heart to see people who have never even opened up a Bible or heard from its glorious pages. How will they ever know the truth if they've never heard from it? It amazes me to see people who claim the Bible is a bunch of bologna and then when I ask them if they've read it, they respond, "Heck, no." (Possibly saying "h-e-double hockey sticks" instead...) Anyway, I just simply want to carry out the Great Commission one memory verse at a time. :) It's what God has called me to do.

John 8:12 (NIV)

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'"

Verses like these give me courage to stand out and do something. I may not be the most confident girl, but I have enough confidence to have faith. I have enough confidence to be a light for Jesus. God gives me enough confidence to do all things. Some girls are beautiful, others are confident. Some have popularity, others have money. I have the God of the universe. Even if I had all of those things, I would give them all up for the sake of the gospel. I would be content in rags, as long as I had my Savior, the bread of life.

I say these things because I feel persecuted. Not in the real, dangerous, intensity that missionaries experience in China or places that don't allow Christianity, but in the mild way where I am made fun of because of my faith - because of God's truth. I know they're just kidding, and are my friends, but it's hard when you feel like the only one. It's discouraging when they continue to think of creation and God's Word as ludicrous! But I will press on. For I know that God not only brings everlasting life, but love beyond comprehension, and joy I can't contain. It may sound corny, but I just can't get enough of Jesus! He is the love of my life.

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one
thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I
press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward
in Christ Jesus."

One song that encourages me to press on is Britt Nicole's new song "The Lost Get Found."'

(This specific video has a commentary by Britt Nicole. I recommend it, but if you don't have time, then you can just fast forward to the music video)

-Yellow flower picture by Bubbly ;) (Mi color favorito es amarillo! That's Spanish for "my favorite color is yellow")

PRAYER

Well, I've officially had 70 posts. :) It's amazing when you think of all the time I spent writing for this blog, and everything I've written (I could compile it into a book someday...), but I believe it was worth every second of it. Honestly, this blog is simply a giant prayer to God (and a bunch of my rambling thoughts about God). Which leads me to this post's topic: prayer.

A good friend of mine let me borrow a book called "A Young Woman's Call to Prayer" by Elizabeth George. I've only read the first chapter, but so far it's been phenomenal! It's exactly what I needed at this point in my walk with God. You see, I've never exactly been huge on praying... I did write a previous post about it in January. That's when I decided to start the alarm system plan. I set my alarm for everyday at 7:07 pm. It was like a personal phone call from God, and I would pray to Him - telling Him about my day and simply talking to my best friend. However, business wreaked havoc. After no time, I was turning my alarm off because of conflicts like work and speech team rehearsals or even Bible study and youth group! I just wasn't getting that one-on-one time with God. The book I'm reading talks about that - reasons and barriers to keep people from praying. But you know what? Prayer is VITAL to grow in a relationship with Christ. That's why I've started something different. Perhaps, night time isn't the best time to pray. So, I've moved my official prayer time to the morning (I figure it's the perfect way to start the day). Now, I've already scheduled my daily Bible reading in the morning, before school. Let's just say that hasn't worked out so well... again, business. I've been sleeping and snoozing through my alarm everyday - completely missing my Bible time. On top of it, I've been sleeping through Ezekiel when I've attempted to read and not get distracted. I've been wondering why I'm so depressed lately, and these obvious signs never hit me! Without communication with God - through His word and prayer - life is bound to get difficult.

I've always wondered why Matthew 11:30 says, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." But now I'm learning that 1. life's never going to be perfect, and 2. it's going to be even more wearisome if we don't know God more. After all, God carries our burden for us and improves life's hardships. If we aren't talking to Him or learning more about Him, how is that supposed to happen? The following are useful verses about prayer (from Elizabeth George's book on prayer).

Luke 11:1 Lord, teach us to pray.

Matthew 6:6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 7:7-8 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 18:1 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually.

1 Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Dear Father, thank-you for the wonderful gift of prayer. Help me to be devoted to prayer and pray continually. I yearn to please You, grow in You, and pray to You until the day I die. Keep your promise to me and help me to know your love and endless grace. I love you. Forgive me of my selfish desires and sin. Let your will be done and teach me to know your will. Let your kingdom come, Lord. If you want me to go on the Mexico missions trip, so be it. I will go. Keep me and every other missionary safe. Thank-you for this glorious day. Bring me peace to know that You have a perfect plan. Amen.

-AWESOME and BREATHTAKING and GLORIOUS cloud picture by Bubbly ;) God is good. All the time.

That's why there's grace

Today I felt like writing a song. It's the third song I've written, and I think it's the best so far. :)

That's why there's grace

I've tried my hardest to be perfect

You'd think a goody-two-shoe girl would get it right

You'd think I'd trust my God with everything

But every time I end up on my face and on the ground

That's when you pick me up

That's when you wipe the tears off my face

That's when you tell me, "No one's perfect, that's why there's grace."

That's why there's grace

[I'll bring you freedom]

I've looked for love a thousand times

You'd think a pretty girl wouldn't need someone to tell her so

You'd think I'd let God's love satisfy

But every time there's this emptiness, a loneliness, and a broken heart

A broken heart

(Chorus)

Bridge

Why can't I let you be Lord of my life?

Why can't I let your love consume me?

Jesus heal my heart and bring me peace

I know you satisfy

Fill me with this fire

I am confident that you are truly, madly, in love with me!

(Chorus)

I've tried my hardest to be perfect

Why do I bother myself – no one can please humans

But Lord you know my sin – my faults, my shame, and imperfections

And to you I am perfect

You love me as I am

Honestly, I came home from church frustrated. Why? Well - at my family, at life, at confusion over everything. I have no idea what God wants for me right now. I am scared about everything and angry at my imperfections. I just try so hard, again, and again. But for what? I always fail. With tears running down my face, I ask, "Why God?" I yearn to please everyone, but I fail to realize one thing: God is already pleased. He loves me just as I am, and so much that He sent Jesus to bring grace. That's the beauty of it. Grace solves all problems. No one ever needs to earn their salvation. In fact, it's impossible! Because we aren't perfect, the only way to Heaven is through grace. And in my opinion, the only way through life is by grace. I can't imagine what life would be like without God's free gift of grace. It would lack purpose, joy, and peace. Oh I can't tell you how comforting it is to know God. His peace transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

A song came on the radio last night that really touched me. It was "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. I've seen them in concert two different times, but the message to this song speaks to me in different ways each time I hear it. Especially the beginning:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

Do you notice any similarities compared to my song? They are basically about the same frustrations. "Trying to earn grace" and "looking for love." These are common problems the world faces, but God brings freedom. He will always be by our side, ready to comfort us in any trouble. :)

-Yellow flower picture by Bubbly

The worry wart and the red porsche

I didn't get a chance to finish my story from the previous post about last week. So on Saturday I blew it again. God has been trying to teach me how to relax and not stress or freak out so much about everything all the time! It's extremely difficult to just let Him take the wheel. In this case, literally, it was letting my dad take the wheel...

It was the day after the FCA lock-in, so I was running on 3 hours of sleep. After playing a horribly out of tune quartet for the all-state contest, I went home to take a 2 hour nap. You guessed it - I slept through my alarm. By some miracle, I woke up at a quarter till 12 (when we performed for chamber orchestra), just enough time to make it if we left right away. Unfortunately, my dad isn't perfect and has a high tendency to be late... to EVERYTHING. He decided to take the bright, hot red 9-11 Porsche. You might be thinking I'm the luckiest girl in the world, but I thought completely contrary. I hate the porsch. It not only practically consumes my dad's life, but it doesn't work 90% of the time, it is totally unnecessary, and everyone stares at it. I do like to be the center of attention when I give speeches or talk, but for this, I'd rather be invisible. Not only that, but I almost died of hyperventilation due to the fear of getting a ticket, which increasing 700% when you get in this speed demon of a car. The BRIGHT RED doesn't help the cause either. Add that to my dad actually speeding overexessively and you've got a freaked out little girl. My dad also decided to take the longest route possible in the worst traffic ever. I am fairly confident we would have made it on time if we took the interstate - the logical way. But Dad said he was taking the "short cut." It was the longest possible way to get there. You couldn't have made it any longer if you tried! We arrived over 10 minutes late, and I was so sick of life.

After I discovered (as I already pessimistically predicted), I completely missed the performance. I didn't get to do my minor solo, and I got up from my glamorous nap for nothing. When I went outside to leave for more sleep, my dad was no where to be found. That's just lovely! You know, the logical place to meet would be the car. But, no. My dad decided to go inside as soon as he parked to go find me, even though I specifically told him they were already done and it would only take a minute. I was SO ANGRY that I just wanted to.... well I don't know. What are you supposed to do with that anger?!? After another 15-20 minutes, we finally got back in the horrific porsch to go home. My dad could sense the anger simmering inside my body. He was perfectly calm and cool. Nothing ever phases him! Well, at that moment, that's a blessing.

My dad told me the perfect prayer quote, "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can." This saying hit me hard. Really, there was absolutely nothing I could do to fix the problem. Unless I invent a time machine, there is never any hope that I will make it on time, now. So why in the world should I nearly have a heart attack to worry over something in the past? Honestly, it makes more logical sense to worry about the future, versus the past, but I worry about all 3 - past, present, and future! :( If it doesn't do any good, then it's not worth wasting my energy over. But, you'd think I would have learned that before... you'd think I would have learned my lesson from the past 100 events similar to this. No. This is one lesson I don't think I'll ever fully learn - after all, is there any one concept you can learn once and be done with? With imperfect humans, there is never a checklist. This is one thing I've learned over the past year, yet I still get upset over this fact. The good news is, we have a perfect God, who loves us as we are - imperfections and all. And His word gives us the encouragement we need to live in a fallen world, to cope with our sin, and to walk in freedom.

Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

-Red 9-11 Porsche picture taken by my dad (it's his pride and joy... :P)

Footprints in the Sand

Last week was... too crazy for words. I cried every day, yet God was teaching me life lessons. It was like a roller coaster - I went up and down constantly. I can't say it was a terrible week or a fabulous week. It was neither! Through it all, God was beside me. Actually, it was exactly like the Footprints in the Sand poem.

Footprints in the Sand - Poem

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

Let's start at the beginning. Sunday, I cried over a $20 bill (see "He hears me when I cry" post). Monday was super busy and stressful with homework, and other FCA stuff. Tuesday my hormones went out of whack (see hormones post)! I was basically upset for no reason. Wednesday I was on a high! God spoke to me directly through a green comet (see blog post). :) I literally felt invincible. Then I hit an all-time low the next day - Thursday...

I was so frustrated over my "stupid" research paper, as I called it. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I had spent all Wednesday re-writing it, and all for nothing, I felt. On top of that, I was split between the FCA Lock-In and that. You'd think two things all for the glory of God wouldn't ever become a problem. But Satan has a way of turning anything into a lie. That's exactly what he was doing. I heard reoccurring lies in my head all day and night. Lies telling me I was good for nothing. Telling me that I would fail at life. My mom spent time telling me all I needed to do on the research paper was not be judgmental. She said that would be the only sin I would struggle with in my life. That Satan would use pride to tell me that I was a "good Christian girl," when in reality pride is "the greatest sin of all," that caused Satan, the once great angel, to fall. But I kept questioning that: can you really say that one sin is greater than all of the others? I don't really know. :( But my mother's lecture was even more depressing.

It's all because of this vicious cycle. You see, I am the most extreme perfectionist. Everything in my life has to be flawless. I constantly compare myself to others. Just when I think I've reached it (which is never possible, by the way, no one's perfect), I realize my sin and get upset all over again. I just dig myself deeper into a hole. I keep on stressing over everything, then about my imperfection, and then about the idea or concept of stressing over my imperfection and conviction of sin! :P IT NEVER ENDS. With this frustrating, interminable cycle, my mother said she's scared I'll have a nervous breakdown or heart attack at age 20. This causes me to worry myself to death about worrying myself to death!!! Does that even make sense? I'm just a mess. :( Satan wants to tell me I will never get out. That I'm just stuck with my eccentric personality and insane ability to worry. My mom asked me to name one thing I'm good at. There was complete silence for one whole minute. I honestly couldn't think of ONE thing. To me, I had to be perfect. Since nothing in my life or about me was perfect, I figured I was doomed. She started naming a huge list, and had me repeat them. I didn't believe any of them for a second. They were the truth! Yet I wasn't convinced because Satan's lies sunk in so deep. I had my second emotional breakdown, but not as bad as the last one. Despite my low self-esteem and lies swirling through my head, I know for a FACT, that God was fighting back this week. He always does. Just like the Footprints poem, God carried me through the storm.

God does work in mysterious ways. Friday was a nightmare and a blessing all in one. I told myself I wouldn't stress out or freak out. My brother wanted to go out to lunch and I reluctantly agreed. I was already running late, so Wendy's didn't seem appealing. I raced to the car. During my marathon, I encountered a fiasco with these girls. I ran in front of them so fast, and so close, that they screamed at each other, "Oh my God!" Their tone suggested that they were thinking I was some sort of freak. Well, I certainly thought I was. That's embarrassing event #1 (only 3 more to go!). After we purchased baconaters, french fries, and frosties; I gobbled mine down in the car so fast that I didn't even enjoy them. It was three minutes till the bell rang, so I grabbed the remaining frosty and sprinted to the school, scooping the chocolate shake in my mouth. At one point, when I was only a few feet away from the front entrance, I tripped. Now, this wasn't a little trip. I basically combined 17 trips in one! It's was one of those times where you trip, catch your balance for a nanosecond, then trip again, regain balance, trip, etc. This occurred almost the entire way to the school. Luckily, there were probably 15 different students outside watching this. Most of them didn't hesitate to laugh out loud (not "lol," more like "HA HA YOU'RE A LOSER"). Embarrassing moment #2. Two wasn't enough apparently, because it was a few seconds from a quarter till (when the bell rings). I slammed open the door to my Spanish class, and stopped. Something was strange... wait, this wasn't my class! The strangers stared at me in confusion, but really I was the confused one. I ran out, slamming the door a second time, and went right to the restroom. The only thing I wanted was to literally dig myself a hole and hide in it forever. Since I had D lunch, the bell rang for passing time, not class! I had another five minutes. Why was I so worried about being late anyway? Well that was definitely embarrassing moment #3. At that time, I was ready to just go home and cry a mountain. I decided to write a letter to God instead.

The letter helped, but I nearly cried for no reason at all twice during my AP Environmental Science class. We were just merely discussing water and there I go tearing up (thank goodness no one noticed... or at least I hope not). I planned to do the only thing I could think of. I went to my FCA Coach/Sponsor's room. It seems like the only safe-haven in the whole school. I came in and just started crying (I feel bad for him, but he's used to it and knows I am a very sensitive, emotional girl). I said, "I am not in the emotional, physical, or spiritual state for this Lock-In." Luckily, other FCA leader friends were there and they gave me a hug. :) One of my friends read Scripture to me from Psalm 73. God just spoke to me. It felt great. Then I let out all of my problems, insecurities, and fears to her. Really, I felt like I was crying for no reason, but it was an accumulation of stress that caused this week's emotions (that and hormones). She asked if I wanted to go for a car ride and I agreed. She took me to eat a snow cone at Fruitzen. It was just what I needed! We relaxed in the park while we ate delicious fruity snow cones. I had to go to a tennis meet next, but she gave me the encouragement I needed for the upcoming Lock-In (that night!). By some miracle, I won my tennis meet. I proceeded to the Lock-In and it was AWESOME. We planted many seeds and I just pray that God will make them grow and that we impacted people for His kingdom.

I'm running out of time because I have to finish my research paper and homework. But Saturday was like Thursday and Friday. I will explain that in the next post. :) Goodnight!

These were the verses that gave me spiritual encouragement on Friday:

Psalm 73:21-28 (NIV)

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

-Footprints picture from Google

Green Comet and God's Glory

The most phenomenal thing happened tonight. It's certainly supernatural, and definitely GOD. All I can say is "GOD IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After I went to youth group tonight, my friend let me try on her prom dresses (I'm going to prom this year with a Chinese exchange student). They were gorgeous. She was even sweet enough to give one to me! :) When she walked me to my car, we were talking about the FCA Lock-In this Friday. There are 56 signed up! We just hope that someone might get saved, because there are going to be many non-believers. Just after I got done saying that, I saw a flash of green light in the corner of my eye. It looked like a gargantuan firework. I pointed and showed my friend (she didn't even notice it). It was the MOST MAGNIFICENT thing EVER. It was a COMET!!!!!!! :D It was so close and so real that I thought it was like a meteor that would make a crater in the nearby neighborhood. But when it's time was up, it slowly faded away... I KNEW IT WAS GOD. I honestly felt God's presence as the cool wind blew and the stars glistened in perfect harmony with the brilliant green comet. How can someone see that and not immediately think God?

Psalm 19:1-2 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge"

I know it's a common verse, and cliche for me. But God's word never fades or grows old. Every time I read a verse it speaks to me differently - that's because the Word of God is living and constantly revealing itself to different people. I am soooooooooooo thankful God knows me. But I am even more blessed to know Him. :) I serve the God of the UNIVERSE. Nothing is more powerful. There is no greater love. God - THANK-YOU for that comet. You clearly spoke to me tonight. Let your glory shine for the WORLD!

Immediately after the comet faded, I told my friend we should pray. I knew God was standing beside me, enjoying my awe. I prayed that He might work miracles at the Lock-In. That we might plant seeds and He might make them grow. (1 Corinthians 3:7). I felt God's power at that moment. I knew I was invincible and nothing could stop me! At that moment, there wasn't anything that would make me turn around. "As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." I KNOW God exists. If that comet isn't proof, then my life is. God works miracles every day. There are no such thing as coincidences. God placed that comet in the sky specifically for me. I know so. :) Thank-you JESUS!

The second I got in the car, this song began playing. Again, definitely a God thing. ;) This song displayed the exact feeling I got after the comet. I am invincible! (Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me")


-Green comet picture from Google. My comet looked almost EXACTLY like this. Except WAY closer and WAY more real. It was HUGE. And the most MAGNIFICENT thing in the UNIVERSE. ;)

One word: HORMONES

Is it bad when a German exchange student recognizes that the reason for your extreme, ridiculously CRAZY emotions and apparent annoyance at the UNIVERSE is a result of one word: hormones?

So it began with the fact that this week is going to and is the most stressful week ever! Add that to getting completely lost trying to find the tennis courts downtown for my meet (Google Maps was WRONG! It told me to turn right on a one way going left!), then coming home to loads of homework and an extremely long do to list when the computer is ignorant and the printer decides to completely malfunction when my dad is not around to fix it. Then I try to do my AP U.S. study guide and it's not even in chronological order - luckily my book is stupid enough to... well just be plain DUMB. Add that to a menstrual cycle and you've got an extremely disoriented lunatic. The German exchange student my family is hosting was fortunate enough (definitely sarcastic!) to see and hear my explosion... he asked if there was anything I wasn't angry at (I said everything but God) then he asked if I wanted to relax and have a cookie. I screamed, "But a cookie didn't help! I still feel bad." He kept it simple, "Perhaps it's just hormones." Yeah... why couldn't I think of that? Instead a 17 year old teenage boy interprets my emotions. Cool, right? :P It makes me feel more like a loser, but I'm sure in a week I won't feel angry at the world! :)

It's times like these when I wonder what God was thinking when He invented hormones. But then again, as my genius exchange student pointed out, "then you wouldn't feel anything." I think it's good to feel emotions. An unemotional person is tediously boring. We have emotions so we can express our thoughts and feelings. I am glad for that, but we still have to deal with the annoying, angry, sad, and simply frustrated emotions! That's when I turn to the Bible. God never lets me down!

John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible: "Jesus wept." Yet, it conveys a deep and vital meaning. Even Jesus had to deal with the emotions of the world. He cried too! (Now I understand why I was so emotional for my previous post two days ago) Emotions are perfectly normal, but it's dealing with those emotions that can be difficult.

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

'I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Did you catch that? Paul was content in every circumstance! Talk about discipline. My hormones can cause me to act insanely crazy! Yet I can still choose to control those emotions and not lash out my anger on everyone else. (I'm sorry if I did) The good thing about emotions and hormones like these is that they're temporary. Don't worry about being forever angry or sad. It's just a season that will pass by momentarily. (I thank God that in this case it's only once month) Like He says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

-Emotions picture from Google

He hears me when I cry

I lost a $20 bill today. If that's not a tragedy, then it is when you realize it was my dad's $20. With such a simple screw-up, I wasn't exactly okay with the situation. Instead of just letting it go and saying, "Oh well," I decided to beat myself up over it for an hour. I always tell myself not to cry, because it's not worth it, but I usually end up saying goodbye to a few tears...

Add that to an infinite amount of homework, and I couldn't help but explode. I didn't even want to go to the grocery store for my mom - so I was already in a bad mood. My dad handed me a $20 and I stuck it in the grocery list. I would have just put it in my pocket, but I was wearing a dress and couldn't. The store was crowded! So as I rushed to find the groceries, I got out the list and... oops... somehow the $20 must have fallen out. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I wanted to scream when I got to the register and couldn't find it. Using my money to pay for the $6 worth of groceries, I ran around for a few minutes looking for it. My pessimism told me that it was so crowded I would never find it and someone already picked it up. I also assumed that whoever found it would not have admitted it. I feel like no one is honest these days. So I left.

The entire car ride the anger just boiled inside me. My hair was flying out of the window, obscuring my vision, but I didn't care! So what if I couldn't see?!? I was a miserable, frustrated, good-for-nothing girl who couldn't even be responsible to watch over one green piece of paper. On top of that, I was never going to finish my homework and would basically fail out of high school. Okay... maybe not that dramatic, but my thoughts conveyed feelings like that!

My mom replied, "You're kidding." I screamed, "No! Why would I be kidding?!?!?" I raced upstairs and plopped on my bed, tears welling up in my eyes. What would Dad think? Well... I haven't actually told him yet. But hopefully, after writing this blog post, I'll be comforted by God and ready for whatever comes. I know he'll give me a long lecture and be thoroughly upset. But I think I lectured myself hard enough!

The wonderful thing about God is He loves you no matter what. During this dramatic experience, a thought kept appearing in my head (straight from God I think!): God still loves me. No matter how many times you fail in life, Jesus will always be there to pick you up. I'll probably never find the $20. But is money really worth fussing over? "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19). It wouldn't matter if I lost a $100! Okay, I would be extremely upset, but everything is God's anyway. That $20 came from God and is still Gods. The earth and everything in it is His (Psalm 24:1).

Why should I be afraid of my Dad's reaction anyway? I honestly don't need my parents' love (although I am so blessed to have amazing parents). God created us with one desire: Him and His love. I always know that He is by my side and STILL LOVES ME. :) Everything else is Satan and his evil schemes.

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

A reoccurring song I've been listening to today is "When She Cries," by Britt Nicole (an awesome singer!!!). It's the perfect example of how God hears you, no matter what you go through in life. This example is far worse than my simple story, but it's the same principle. God hears me when I cry!

-$20 bill picture from Google

Blinded

Yesterday I almost got in a car accident. It's not like it was my fault or anything (although you might automatically assume that from previous incidents...). Actually, I was just minding my own business - staying in my lane - when a car randomly starts turning from the left, into my lane! It all happened in seconds, but he didn't even notice! To this day, he'll never know that he almost killed me. Luckily, my dad was in the car. He noticed it like nanoseconds before me, but he still pointed out how I didn't notice it soon enough and how if I had been alone, I would have surely gotten hit. Yeah, right Dad. I would be a nervous wreck if it weren't for you. Doesn't he realize I'm leaving (probably 2,000 miles away) for college a year?

Anyway, even a minute after this occurred, I was not only still shocked, but I was contemplating other deep meanings behind this. For example, the world is so blinded! Everyone is like that guy who nearly ran me over. They aren't even aware of their blindness. It's sad, really. Satan has blinded them from the truth with his appealing lies.

1 John 2:11 (NIV)

"But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him."

The lie says that you can get to Heaven by your own works. The truth says that only Jesus can save you by grace alone.

The lie says that the world can bring you happiness. It says that a boyfriend can comfort you all times and always be there for you. The truth says only Jesus can satisfy. He is the bread of life.

The lie says you should look out for #1 - yourself. The truth says to love your neighbor as yourself. And for God to be first priority.

The lie says to follow your heart. What if your heart is immoral? What if it doesn't align with God's will? The truth says to obey God and His commands - to trust in Him and His perfect plan.

The biggest lie of all says that Christianity is false. That there is no such thing as God. And that people who choose to believe in something they can't see are irrational and stupid. They think that science can and will prove everything. But that's what's so intriguing about faith - it can't be proved. God doesn't want to just show Himself. That would defeat the purpose. After all, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1). The truth is Jesus Christ. He is the Savior and King of the world. God created the universe and knows us better than we know ourselves. The truth will set you free!

Isaiah 35:4-6 (NIV)

"say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you."

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped."

I cannot wait for that day! Do you know how exciting it is to no longer be blind? The blind men Jesus healed knew exactly how it felt. One such man exclaimed in John 9:25, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!" My prayer is that God will open the eyes of my friends. So that they might see the truth. Like the man who almost crashed into my car, so is the rest of the world with faith. They are blind.

This is simply one example of a lie that so many people believe. They think that love will satisfy them. Yes, and no. The love of Jesus Christ satisfies all desires. But the love of the world brings heartbreak and tears.
It's never enough.

(blind picture found on Google)

Not ashamed of the Gospel

This may come as a shock, but I find it difficult to write a research paper without having it sound like a sermon. I just can't help but mention the gospel or the freedom that God brings. It's completely natural, because He saved my life and I yearn to give Him glory and share the truth.

The problem is when I become so biased that I seem like a judgmental bigot (someone who won't even listen to other people's opinions). I am sorry! I think one of the most difficult things I ever struggle with in life is judgment. Only God has the right to judge anyone. It's not my place. I just become so frustrated, that I'm willing to get in people's faces to bring them the truth.

This summer I'm (hopefully) going on a missions trip to Mexico. I have to admit, it's going to be scary. In my church I'm in a Sunday School class called "Underground Vietnam." It's so inspiring to watch Christians risk their lives for the sake of the Gospel! How could they do such a thing? Paul is a perfect example. He was actually debating which was better - to live now and carry out God's will, or to die for his work and go live in Heaven with Jesus!

Philippians 1:20 (NIV)

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Either way he won! That kind of mindset can cause you to accomplish great things in life. God can eliminate any fear and bring courage. I am so thankful He does. That's exactly why I am so bold. All of my friends know I am. They label it as "radical," but so what? I am a radical Jesus Freak. And nothing can stop my enthusiasm for the Bible. Nothing can take away God's love from me (Romans 8:38-39). I am not ashamed of the Gospel!

Romans 1:16 (NIV)

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."

Why are there so many closet Christians? You know, Christians who are ashamed of the gospel. Or at least afraid of what their friends will think of them. They've said the prayer; they may even have fruit in their lives. But they are not an active witness for Jesus Christ. You might not even be able to differentiate between them and an atheist! We are called to be lights in the world and carry out the Great Commission - making disciples! That doesn't necessarily mean to immediately tell everyone you meet about Jesus (although I think that would be fun). The best approach is to live out your life like Jesus. To tell your family and friends about the Good News. And to not be ashamed of the Gospel!!! The POWER of God can defeat any evil. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Be courageous!

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

-Image found on Google

Significance of Easter

What's so great about Easter? (Not the chocolate bunny or jelly beans...) Yes, I know Jesus is alive, but what else? Why is it significant...

It couldn't have stopped at Good Friday. I see the point of the cross as clearly as a newly windexed glass window, so why is Easter harder? After all, it's certainly a happier event - death isn't exactly rainbows and flowers! It wouldn't have been a miracle. If Jesus had simply died, there wouldn't be any strong foundation for our faith. Christianity is based solely on two events: the cross, and the grave. Just imagine what it would have been like: to physically see Jesus die on a cross, and then see Him alive 3 days later. Little did they know He was speaking of His body when He referred to "temple."

John 2:19 (NIV)

"Jesus answered them, 'Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.'"

Everyone must have been dumbfounded. Even Jesus' disciples who thought they knew the Messiah. But it's not what they expected. Expectations can be dangerous. The Jews thought He would save them from the Romans. They wanted a temporary salvation. But God had a larger purpose - one that would save all of humanity for generations to come! You see, Jesus is alive, therefore we are too!!! :)

Luke 20:38 (NIV)

"He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive."

The BEST PART about Easter - and Christianity, in general - is Jesus' victory. About a month ago, I gave a speech by Billy Graham for public address in Speech Team. He gave the speech 3 days after 9-11.

"The cross tells us that God understands our sin and our suffering. For He took upon himself, in the person of Jesus Christ, our sins and our suffering. And from the cross, God declares "I love you. I know the heart aches, and the sorrows, and the pains that you feel, but I love you." The story does not end with the cross, for Easter points us beyond the tragedy of the cross to the empty tomb. It tells us that there is hope for eternal life, for Christ has conquered evil, and death, and hell. Yes, there's hope."

You see? Jesus has conquered death! That's why, "He's ALIVE," is so vital! If we choose to place our trust in Him, and believe in that He rose from the dead, we too can be alive, and experience freedom. The Gospel really is good news. If it wasn't, the disciples wouldn't have risked their lives to share it. If it wasn't, missionaries wouldn't be so bold. If faith wasn't something worth believing in, then I certainly wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it. In fact, my entire life would be different. It would be void of purpose, and I would spend eternity in Hell. Can you see why I am so thankful for the cross and the empty tomb? Can you truly SEE?

I jump up and down out of joy - because my Savior is alive! I praise His name with music - because He has overcome sin. I can't help but share the good news with everyone I meet - because this message is the only thing worth living for. My prayer is that you might have faith. Yes, it takes a HUGE leap. But Christ died for you. He rose from the grave in 3 days, and brings HOPE for every lost soul! Amen - we are victorious!!!

Happy Easter! :) Its message should bring you joy everyday.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57 (NIV)

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory.'
'Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

This song is currently my FAVORITE!!! I hope you enjoy it as well - it seems like the appropriate happy, uplifting Easter song. ;)

1 John 5:3-5 (NIV)

"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

When I first read this, I was stunned. Isn't it just fantastic?!? WE (Christians) can overcome the WORLD!!! There you go: I can be queen of the world! ;) But let's not get a big head - only by the power of the cross, and Jesus Christ. Amen -for Jesus is risen!

-Gorgeous live oak tree picture taken by Bubbly at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. :) I figured a tree is a universal symbol for life - and Jesus brings us life! Happy Easter. :D

A Day of Forgiveness

Today, is a day of forgiveness. Jesus Christ died on a cross. Just for me. He loves me that much! I can't imagine how it felt - to bear the sin of the world on His shoulders. And we think we have burdens! The free gift of grace is the best thing available on this earth (see "The Free Gift of Grace"). I make mistakes (believe me!). Even today alone, I came home feeling like a failure! But God is forgiving. The blood of Jesus covers all of my sins. It washes them as white as snow. I am so thankful for that! The least I can do in response is obey God's commandment and forgive others like He forgave me.

Matthew 18:35 (NIV)

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

Mark 11:25 (NIV)

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

For the past four months I have been in the process of forgiving someone who hurt me deeply. It's the first time I've actually had to forgive like this, so I'm new to this process. I wrote about it two weeks ago (see "He heals the brokenhearted"). I've also been praying about it - for God to give me courage, humility, and love. What better day to forgive than Good Friday? So... today, from the bottom of my heart, only through the power of God, I forgive. You have no idea how good it feels to finally let go! It was a burden. Yes, I was trusting God in other areas of my life, but I never realized I was still in bondage. Now, I can walk in freedom!!!

Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus was beaten, nailed to a cross, and murdered. The ONLY perfect man to ever come into this world - and we kill Him. I've learned that the world isn't fair, but this is just preposterous! We are all guilty when it comes down to the bottom line. We all fall short (Romans 3:23). Not one is righteous, and that's why all of us need a Savior. How blessed are we that God cares and loves us sooooooo much that He sent Jesus??!!

It's not easy - to forgive. It's the narrow road less traveled, that involves humility (giving up your right of being right), courage, and love (God is love!). I can't even attempt to comprehend what it would be like to forgive without God. If you don't know God, then you don't know love. If you don't know God, then you've never seen forgiveness. If you don't know God, you're still in bondage of sin. I feel sorry for you! Life is hard. And forgiveness is the harder route, but it also results in freedom, which makes it worth everything in the end. It doesn't benefit the person who harmed you. It helps YOU. God doesn't mention it over 100 times in the Bible for no reason - it's important! I genuinely have freedom because I chose the path of forgiveness. What will you choose?

Happy Good Friday everyone! Remember the cross.

1 John 4:10-11 (NIV)

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

-Cross picture taken by Bubbly (it's my brand new cross necklace!)

John 19:19 (NIV)

"Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

"Then they will know that I am the Lord..."

Lately, I've been frustrated. Monday I was over-exceedingly joyful - just because Jesus loves me and has blessed me with so much. However, I've also experienced some depressing moods. It's probably useless to dwell on the things of this world, but it just upsets me. People - a lot of people - are believing lies! They are falling for the greatest trap of all, and aren't hearing the truth. To think even more pessimistically, even when they do hear, their eyes, ears, and hearts are closed. This kind of thinking is perfect for reading Ezekiel.

Ezekiel, just like Jeremiah and all of the other prophets, is supposed to obey God in the midst of a rebellious Israel. God is so hurt and angry at His chosen people, that He wants to bring judgment on them. Constantly, He says, then, "They will know that I am the LORD" (Ezekiel 12:15 for example). It's hurts me to see peers, teachers, friends, and ordinary strangers, willingly turn away from God and deny His existence. Now, Satan wants me to think that it's hopeless. That nothing they are gone for good and I can't do anything. But I am reminded of God's truth - "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). Reading Ezekiel also made me realize these things:

"you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see
and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people." Ezekiel 12:2

"'The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled. For there will be no more false visions or flattering divinations among the people of Israel. But I the LORD will speak what I will, and it shall be fulfilled without delay. For in your days, you rebellious house, I will fulfill whatever I say, declares the Sovereign LORD.' " Ezekiel 12:23-25

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God." Ezekiel 11:19-20

Yes, the world is a rebellious people. They openly turn away from their Creator and seek evil. But God can melt away any heart of stone. He will fulfill His Word. I will be encouraged and strengthened by the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me. What's better, I can be a light to this lost nation. I can share the truth (Jesus Christ) with everyone I meet, and hopefully they will see God in me. It may be the only God they ever see. One by one, I will plant seeds for His kingdom, and share with a fire in my eyes, the only truth in the world!

1 Corinthians 3:7 (NIV)
"So neither he who plants nor he who waters
is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

-Flower picture taken by Bubbly. :) Isn't it the perfect example of spring? I love how God makes everything grow!